My alarm rang at 4:45 AM on Tuesday morning. I had a flight to catch at 6:45 AM and since I still had two days to go until my doctor cleared me to drive, my neighbor was taking me at 5:20 AM.
I got up, turned on the shower, took Lucy outside to do her biz and went back in. I noticed there were no lights on at her house, but I tried not to panic. She swore “on all things holy” she would be ready to go at 5:20.
I was still feeling weird about it, so I tried calling her. No answer. I sighed and hopped into the shower. “Please do NOT dick me over,” I thought to myself. “Not today.” I tried calling again when I got out of the shower, but still no answer. I was starting to go into freak out mode.
At 5:18 I locked up my house, walked up her driveway and knocked on the door. There was no answer, so I knocked again. I kept knocking until 5:30. Finally I stopped knocking and went back home to Google a taxi company. I called and was assured someone would be there, “in 10 minutes. 15 max.”
I started breathing a bit easier. I live less than 10 min from the airport and at that time of the morning I was confident I could clear security and make the plane. I stood inside and watched for the taxi to arrive.
Twenty minutes later I called the cab company back and was assured he would be there any moment. I was getting stressed again. At 6 AM sharp he pulled up out front of the house. I got in and he asked me how I was doing. Probably not his smartest move of the day.
“I’m bitchin,” I said with a medium-sized dose of sarcasm. “I was better 15 minutes ago when you were supposed to be here.” I noticed a cup of Tim Horton’s coffee in the cupholder. Most likely from the Timmies around the corner from my house. Grrrrr!
He asked if I was going to the airport and I said I was. “My flight leaves in 45 minutes, so we kinda need to hurry.” After driving a couple blocks in peaceful silence he asked, “The airport’s on Genesee, right?”
“Dude.” I replied. “You seriously don’t know where the fuckin airport is? Seriously?” There was no reply from the driver. “Yeah. It’s on Genesee,” I said. Make a left on Genesee and it’s the big complex on the left. The one with all the lights and planes.”
I sat there for a moment trying to figure out if this guy was trying to make polite conversation with the asshole that just climbed into his cab or if he was truly a moron. I settled on the first. For his family’s sake, I hoped it was the first.
I grabbed my boarding pass and headed to security. After putting my things on the belt I was informed that I didn’t need to go through the metal detector. I was getting body scanned. I’ve never been body scanned. This might be fun.
I was told to place my feet inside two yellow boxes and to extend my arms all the way out. As I was standing there, dude asked if there was anything else that needed to be removed from my jeans. l literally bit my lip as I held back my instinctive response–“I could whip out my cock. That’s the only thing left in there. Besides my balls.”
Instead, I was a puss. I paused for a second, then said, “Nope. Everything is out.” After being scanned I was told to step “over here”. Once there, I was informed I would be patted down and that he would be running his hands over my “buttocks and inner thighs.” He asked if this was OK with me and I replied, “Enjoy yourself.” I barely made the flight and soon I was heading to Washington D.C.
Now is probably as good a time as any to tell you I was heading to Washington to discuss a writing opportunity. I was excited and nervous–about the writing gig and about the fact that I was also going to get to spend some time with The Muse.
I’ve mentioned her a few times in the past and the Cliff Notes version (do they even make Cliff Notes anymore) is that she and I started out as acquaintances, then started chatting a bit. It was very comfortable and very friendly.
We talked about random shit and laughed a lot. Mainly at ourselves. And Justin Bieber. The New England Patriots too. But mainly at ourselves.
It was funny, but as we talked, I would get an idea or two from things she would say or mention in passing. It was never once a “what about this idea” thing. Those words never left her lips. Instead, it was things she would say. For example…
Today she BBM’d me and said she saw some guy in an Ed Hardy shirt. She went on to say, “Never wear anything that says Ed Hardy. Guys who wear Ed Hardy are dickweeds.” After I finished laughing out loud, I responded by saying the first thing that popped into my mind.
“Don’t worry,” I messaged her. “I will never wear Ed Hardy. I’m not Jon Gosselin.” I sat there for a brief second, then ran to get the book I jot some ideas and thoughts down in. There was a big blank spot a few pages in, so I wrote “JON GOSSELIN IS A DICKWEED”. Below that I wrote the messages between us, so I would remember the context. I’m pretty sure that will end up a blog post someday.
So. I was in the DC metro area from Tuesday morning until Wednesday mid-afternoon. I would tell you something about the writing project, but the reality is that you don’t give a rats ass about it. You only want to read about The Muse.
When we first “met” online it was very G-rated. After a while we started mildly flirting. Nothing major. Just fun. I’ve learned some things from my last couple relationships and “slow and mellow” was how I was going to play this. I feel a connection with this person and don’t want to screw it up by rushing.
We have a lot of the same interests, enjoy similar music, movies, TV and authors. We both felt comfortable talking with the other and I consider her a very close friend. Slowly building towards a “best friend” type of status.
I knew she lived not far from DC and when I found out I had this opportunity, I’m not ashamed to admit I was excited to have the chance to meet her in person. She was excited too, which made my excitement all the more excitable.
We coordinated our schedules and decided on where and when she would pick me up. She was right on time and as her car pulled up, I could see a big smile on her face. I’m not sure if it was as big as mine, but it was pretty darn close.
I climbed into the car and gave her a big hug, followed by a nice kiss. We pulled away from the curb and she took me on a sightseeing tour of her part of the world. She lives near Baltimore and knows that (like her) I am an Edgar Allan Poe fan. [Not a groupie. Just a fan.]
She made a point to show me where he was born, where he lived, where he did a lot of his writing and where he is buried. She even told me a story about someone mysteriously leaving whiskey and roses on his grave every year on his birthday. It was very cool.
We walked to the top of Federal Hill on the harbor and she pointed out Tom Clancy’s new penthouse. We turned slightly to the right and she showed me where his old apartment was. It sounds like stupid stuff to show someone, but I thought it was kinda rad.
After that she took me to dinner at a Japanese steakhouse and we had a very great, very fun dinner. The next day we grabbed a quick lunch before she drove me to the airport. I told her I wanted to go to some local dive that serves great pit beef. I’ve heard of this legendary Baltimore sandwich and I wanted to try one for myself.
Talk about a hole in the wall!!! This place was stuck BEHIND a 7-11 and there was only a small outdoor patio, which is obviously closed in the winter. We grabbed a couple of sandwiches along with some fries and ate them right there in the parking lot, sitting in her car. It wasn’t classy, but it was fun and the sandwich was off the freakin hook!!!
She drove me to the airport and I’m not ashamed to say I was bummed I had to leave so soon. I really enjoyed being with her and I could tell from her reaction, she felt the same way. We left each other as we met–with a hug and nice kiss.
What happened between dinner and lunch? None of your freakin business! Suffice it to say that I got to spend some time with The Muse and that every moment was time well spent. I will tell you that at all times I remembered my new mantra. Smooth and mellow. It’s how I’m rollin, yo!