I wanna be a white trash millionaire
Ain’t got much and I don’t care
Count your cash and kiss my ass
This whole damn world gonna know I been here
Black Stone Cherry
Last week I had my historical final post from Buffalo and today I bring you the probably-never-legendary first post from California. That’s right; I rolled into town Sunday night and am preparing to kick it old school with mi familia this evening. You see how I get here and all of a sudden the Spanglish kicks right in? Pretty cool, huh?
I first heard this song a few weeks ago and loved it from the opening. In the words of every person ever to be on American Bandstand, “It has a good beat and is easy to dance to.” When you get bored with this you finish reading this, check out the video.
I think if I were a millionaire, I would have a touch of white trash about me. I’d still buy some shit at Walmart, because even though they’re the antichrist to mom and pop businesses, I’m a sucker for a bin of $5 DVD’s. It’s OK. You can admit that you know the bin I’m talking about.
Distinguishing what is cool white trash from that which is mockable white trash is an art to be sure. One faux pas and you go from hip and cool to sippin ‘shine out of a jug. For example, shopping at Walmart is acceptable, while being on People of Walmart is not.
On the flip side (and this is what I think the song is really about), it is true that I am poor enough to be considered white trash. I do, however, think I bring a certain style–a panache if you will–to the gig as a whole. I may be poor, but I can style rock the vintage argyle. Can you feel where I’m coming from?
Being poor requires some PR skills to put the right spin on your situation. When people find out that you bought your coffee table at the thrift store, you can say that you could afford something nicer, but you’re going for a retro feel. That shit’s believable. Right? God I hope so.
My favorite white trash quote comes from Jane Lynch in A Mighty Wind. If you’ve never seen the flick, I highly recommend it.
I was brought up in a very small town, south of the Chicago city limits. Just far enough away to have been peopled with pure, unadulterated white trash.
I think if I have to be white trash, pure unadulterated white trash would be the way to do it. Go big or go home, right? Maybe one day I will come into some major cash and I can find out just how little I have in common with the millionaire douchebags from the OC.
I’m sure they would love the 60’s era VW van that I would tool around in and I’m pretty sure the BBQ’s I throw would be a whole lot different than their wine and cheese soirees. The only thing we would agree on is that hotties with large breasts fit well into any social situation. Don’t roll your eyes at me. You know they do.
Now if you will please excuse me, I have to get back to writing my breakout novel so this whole damn world can know I been here.
Congrats on making it back, Cali, homie! Love how the Spanglish kicks in automatically. Now throw some camarones y carne asada on the grill.
Westside!!!
(To be hollered out with a Snoop Dog/Dr. Dre attitude)
Awwww. . . so nice to see you back on the West Coast!
We’re in the same time zone now!
That so works for me.
In case you been away too long, you have to be a millionaire to live in So Cal.
Hahaha! This is cool. No wonder you and “Muse” get along so well.
Congrats on making it back.. Keep the post rolling as I am rolling on the floor!! By the way, In Nebraska, everyone could be white trash but if you get called one here, then something is really bad and you should of stayed in school past 3rd grade..
It’s posts like this that remind me the humor and attitude I totally fell for. Awesome job baby. Now, get that novel done and make your first million. The. The two of us can go raid the $5 bin and build the DVD collections. 😉