Cheesy. Hallmark Holiday. Consumerist. Gory, even. These are some of the ways people describe Valentine’s Day. And while all have some merit, perhaps the only real importance of the day is for people to reflect on love and relationships. And, in doing so, to ensure that these relationships are always healthy and positive for both parties.
Unfortunately, we do not do a fantastic job of discussing healthy relationships in the U.S. Schools often do not teach about it, parents are not always comfortable or equipped to do so, and media glamorizes unhealthy and abusive relationships over more stable and loving ones.
Studies have found that most schools are not at all prepared to address dating violence or healthy relationships. Some three-quarters of principals admit as much. Educators note a lack of training as well as little protocol for when dating violence is identified. Sadly, the study found that the majority of principals could not correctly answer four out of nine knowledge-based questions about dating violence. Yet those educators and administrators who receive training are far more likely to assist a survivor.
Parents are often unaware of the scope and dynamics of abusive dating relationships, nor do they always take time to talk with their kids about healthy ones. According to Love Is Respect, a nonprofit organization, 81 percent of parents either say they don’t know or do not believe dating violence is a serious issue for teens. Less than 60 percent of parents can identify all the warning signs of abuse. Perhaps this is why less than ten percent of youth who are involved in abusive dating relationships tell an adult.
Media often presents abusive relationships as if they are normal, even fun and sexy. By contrast, healthy ones often appear to be boring and mundane. Yet nothing can be further from the truth. The toxic trauma that enduring abuse creates can last a lifetime and is far from innocent drama. Yet books and movies like “Twilight,” which are intended to appeal to young people, make it seem as though stalking and coercive behavior are normal signs of love. Likewise, popular music and videos imply that there really are “blurred lines,” a concept that has zero recognition in the legal sense.
This Valentine’s Day, if you are lucky enough to be with someone who cares about you and treats you in a positive and loving fashion, show your thanks in whatever way suits you. If not, or if you’re not currently in a relationship, it’s a great day to think about what it should be to be healthy.
***
What’s Next at The Good Men Project? Talk with others. Improve your relationships. Join our Love, Sex, Etc. Social Interest Group
We think you’ll like our SOCIAL INTEREST GROUPS—WEEKLY PHONE CALLS to discuss, gain insights, build communities— and help solve some of the most difficult challenges the world has today. Calls are for Members Only (although you can join the first call for free). Not yet a member of The Good Men Project? Join now!
Join The Good Men Project Community
All levels get to view The Good Men Project site AD-FREE. The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many groups and classes as you want for the entire year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission, and have a great ad-free viewing experience.
Register New Account
Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request new password if needed).
◊♦◊
ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 per year) includes:
1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Join ANY and ALL of our weekly calls, Social Interest Groups, classes, workshops and private Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or online class every day of the week.
2. See the website with no ads when logged in!
3. MEMBER commenting badge.
*** ANNUAL GOLD membership ($25 per year) includes all the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class.
*** ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($12 per year) is great if you are not ready to join the full conversation but want to support our mission anyway. You’ll still get a BRONZE commenting badge, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time (Friday calls only). This is for people who believe—like we do—that this conversation about men and changing roles and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can have today.
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
Laura Finley, Ph.D., is Associate Professor of Sociology & Criminology at Barry University. She is the author, co-author or editor of 28 books and numerous articles and chapters. In addition, Dr. Finley is a community activist for peace, justice and gender equality. https://facebook/laura.finley.52
