So, how do men most often misrepresent themselves online, and what happens when they do? The most important lesson to be learned about misrepresenting yourself online, is that a woman will immediately feel like you’ve been lying to her when you meet her in person for the first time.
If you think about what is most important to women in a relationship, it’s trust. If you’ve misrepresented yourself, no matter about what it was, a woman will immediately not trust you. Then, no matter how good of a salesman you might be, you will have to spend all your time convincing her that the person you are is not a liar (and that you are actually a great person).
So let’s go through four of the biggest and most common misrepresentations that men make online, and how each of those will backfire on you every time.
Using An Old Photo
One of the biggest misrepresentations men make when dating online has to do with the photos they use in their profile. Choice of photos, in fact, is one of the biggest mistakes men make overall when creating an online profile.
Men very often will put up pictures of themselves that were taken at the peak of their attractiveness. They might put up pictures of them weighing twenty or thirty pounds less, or of them with more hair.
The problem with doing this, is that any woman you meet online will be expecting to meet the person she sees in those pictures — as he looks in those pictures. So when you do meet her in person, she is going to instantly think less of you. This is not for the reasons you’re probably thinking.
It really has nothing to do with how you look, it’s simply the fact that you do not look as you portrayed yourself to look. In other words, you misrepresented yourself. When you meet a woman after having posted these non-current photos of you, her first thought about you is not going to be an evaluation of how you look, but rather it will be that you are someone who wasn’t honest about themselves.
What most guys will then do is defend themselves. They’ll tell the woman, “Don’t worry. I’m going to get back into shape.” You don’t want to be doing this. The way to start a date is not by defending yourself. The way to start a date is with a woman being excited about getting to know you and and what you’re all about. You never want to have an uphill battle on a date, especially a first date.
So here’s what you want to do. Go out with a friend and have him take some current pictures of you throughout the day. That way, women can see what you really look like.
Stay away from professional photos, as they tend to make you look like you are trying too hard. Also, make sure you are wearing different clothes in each of the photos.
The most important thing is to have fun with this! It’s your first impression (along with your profile). So make sure you are smiling and relaxed.
Lying About Your Age
Another major area of online misrepresentation among men is age. There are so many men dating online who lie about their age, because they are perpetually chasing younger women.
Men who are 45 years old will say they’re 39. Men who are 55 years old will say they’re 45.
When you lie about your age online, you will only fool women until you actually meet them in person. If you put on your profile that you’re 39 years old when you’re really 45, a woman will know you’re not 39 years old the minute you show up to that first date.
She’ll probably, in fact, ask you how old you really are. That’s when most guys will give the standard “why I lied” answer and say, “I look a lot younger than my age in person, and if you knew I was 45 you probably wouldn’t have gone out with me.”
Let me tell you something. If this is a 28 or 29 year old woman who said she was looking for a guy up to age 39, then you’re right that she probably won’t want to go out with you again now that she knows you’re 45.
If she stated that she was looking to meet someone only within a certain age range, then that was a requirement of hers and not a guideline. She won’t want to go out with you again not only because you are not what she already plainly said she was looking for, but also (once again) because she will see you as someone she can’t trust. You’ve already lied to her once.
If you’re looking to date younger women, then online is not the place for you to find them. Meet them in person. People online want to meet people who fall within the parameters of what they specify in their profile.
Not only that, but what do you think it says about you that you are misrepresenting your age? It says that you are not really comfortable about where you are in your life. If you’re a guy chasing much younger women, that will tell her that you may be very emotionally immature.
I’m in my 40s, and to tell you the truth I wouldn’t want to date a woman in her 20s. They may look great, but I find women in my age range to be far more interesting. You share life experiences. So, maybe it’s time you stopped chasing the dream and started to get real about who you are.
It’s time to stop worrying about whether women will date you at your age, and to start showing women why dating an older guy will be such a great experience. With age comes wisdom, and you will be able to show women a whole new side of life.
Telling Her What She Wants To Hear
When you’re dating online, it is important to be really clear about whether you want to have children. Most women want to have children.
A lot of men who don’t want children will check the boxes that say they are open to children or possibly want children. They do this so they will be matched up with, or will be able to get a response from, more women.
Because so many women want children, these men think their choices will be limited if they put on their profile that they don’t want children. This is not the right mindset though.
You need to have an abundant mindset. If you don’t want children, date the women who also don’t want children. There are plenty of them out there.
What you don’t want to do is take someone on an emotional journey on which you are not prepared to follow through. You will only end up in a mess of a situation.
Write down what you really want. Most people who misrepresent themselves online are not really clear about what they want, or they are chasing an illusion or a fantasy. Get clear and have an abundant mindset, and you will no longer feel the need to misrepresent anything about yourself.
So, instead of telling women what you think they want to hear, it is always better to hook up with people by being honest and telling them where you are at this point in your life. Women have been lied to so many times, that being totally truthful will be refreshing (even if you are on different romantic paths).
Whenever I was newly out of a relationship, I would tell women I’d meet that I didn’t want anything heavy at that time. Not only did I have more fun dating that way, but I had some great sex because women always knew where I stood and there were no games.
The last type of common misrepresentation men make online is the way they write their profile. When you write your profile, don’t write it to sound like a romance novel unless you plan to act out that romance novel.
A lot of men who are just interested in fooling around with women, will write their profile in ways that make them seem like someone who is romantic and wants a relationship. They’ll say that they enjoy taking long walks on the beach, or that they are “all about romance,” when in reality all they want to do is sleep with the women they are meeting.
If you don’t want a relationship, then don’t write a romance novel sounding profile with which women will emotionally bond. You need to be clear about your intentions and literally write them down. Say something like, “I’m not sure about what I want in terms of dating right now. I’d like to meet some interesting women, date and have some fun.”
This is not about making a judgment about what you do or don’t want. It is just very important to be honest about whatever it is that you do want. The thing you want to really avoid is taking a woman on an emotional journey on which you are not prepared to accompany her.
Do you really want to continue spending your days pretending you like art museums when they bore you out of your mind, just so you can get certain women online to like you? Here is a better alternative. Negotiate!
Tell a woman that one weekend will be all about going to museums so she can show you her passion, but then the next weekend you two will hit the beach and play Frisbee so you can show her your passion. That is a way to be able to bond with the woman you really like without ever having to pretend you like something you don’t. Plus, if you end up in a relationship together, there will be plenty of days when you will each do your own thing.
Misrepresenting yourself online really says a lot about who you are as a person. It says that you are really not in touch with what you want. It also says that you don’t practice abundance; that you don’t believe that there are plenty of great women out there, so you feel the need to misrepresent yourself (okay, really lie) on your profile.
Whether it’s about the way your body looks, your age or what you’re looking for in terms of a relationship, misrepresenting yourself online will always backfire on you. You need to believe that there are tons of women out there for you to meet and connect with online.
Dating online is like going to a cyber bar, a bar with tons of women. So you can absolutely find people who will like you exactly as you are and who fit your needs.
When you show up for that first date, show up as you — the real you. Don’t show up hoping to be liked because of (and in spite of) the online misrepresentation version of you.
When you misrepresent yourself online, you will only put yourself at a disadvantage when you meet up with people, and always put yourself in a position of having to work twice as hard for any of those meetings to work out. No relationship can start or work when one person is not being honest with the other person.
This post was previously published on davidwygant.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
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