—
I started dating him in summer.
I’m not someone, who is usually nervous to go on a date, but that day- oh boy - my legs were shaking!
He was the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. I felt the connection. He talked openly about his feelings and we laughed a lot. He complimented me and I could feel his positive nature. I instantly liked him.
After a bunch of first date failures, I considered it a massive success to go on a second date! And after we even went on a third and a fourth one, I simply couldn’t believe my luck! It felt a little too good to be true.
—
I’m fine with this
We had talked about our ex-relationships a little and I found out that his seven-year relationship had just ended the previous month. “Oh! That sounds like a lot of baggage!” I said, but he claimed that he was fine, had moved on and was ready for something new.
I believed him.
And then it so happened, that in the middle of one night he told me, that he was still in love with his ex.
“Things are complicated, we still talk to each other sometimes!”
He also told me how much he liked me and that he would love to keep seeing me, but that he didn’t want to rush into anything. I always give people the benefit of the doubt.
I believed him.
—
I can’t do this
We saw each other for about two months and we texted almost every day. And then one day he stopped replying.
I remember sitting at my desk at work and couldn’t focus on what I was doing. I locked myself into a meeting room and I cried. I was filled with anxiety. I knew something was wrong. I knew something had happened and it was out of my control.
He was just about to go on holiday and I sent a text saying I’d like to call him if possible. We agreed to speak on a Saturday.
I was really tense that day. I waited for him to let me know when he would finish work, but he didn’t text. Much later he said “I’m not sure I’m good conversation today, if I’m honest. Today is a notable date for me.” It would’ve been his anniversary day with his ex.
Tears were streaming down my face and I felt like my heart was ripped apart. I was hurting. I could feel his pain, for still loving his ex and I felt my own pain for liking someone, whose hart had never been ready to like me.
We ended things that day.
—
I’m healing
Sometimes I beat myself up, tell myself how ridiculous I am and that I should get over my heartbreak. It’s been a while now.
I still like him to this day. I still think about him. I wrote him a letter. I met up with him for coffee twice - each time with a little hope that this had all been a really bad dream and that we could just continue where we had stopped. I sometimes cry myself to sleep, because it still hurts.
I know that he was of these special people, who left a mark in my heart. I understand now that it’s okay to take my time to heal.
Heartbreaks are part of love. How would I know how to appreciate love, if I hadn’t experienced how much it hurts to have my heart broken?
And now I am healing.
I know that I am capable of loving.
In fact, there is so much love I have to give.
And I wish that one day I’ll meet someone whose heart is open to receive all of that love.
And I am looking forward to experiencing this fireworks of emotions again.
I know I will.
—
Previously published on Medium.
—
***
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Talk to you soon.
—
Photo credit: unsplash.com