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It’s no secret that we have been conditioned to suppress our fears and project our confidence as men.
As boys, we are told we should wipe our tears because crying is reserved for girls.
As men, we are told to “man up” when we feel inadequate or insecure.
As partners, we are told that we should be handy with tools and able to fix things around the house. If we aren’t, it’s clear who “wears the pants” in the relationship.
The culture of toxic masculinity is stifling. It fails to nurture sensitivity in men who are denied the right to be vulnerable. It prioritizes emotional distance over emotional intimacy.
Our boys need to be taught that their masculinity isn’t fragile enough to be shattered by the toys they choose to play with or the clothes they feel most comfortable in.
They need to be reassured that their future income potential does not define the kind of person they become.
We are surrounded by a culture of toxic masculinity today. From a president who reached the highest office in the land by bragging about his ability to sexually assault women to a man who received millions of dollars by spectators who prioritized his boxing prowess over his history of domestic abuse.
There’s nothing I can do about that…you say to yourself.
I didn’t tune in to Mayweather’s fight.
I didn’t vote for this President.
And yet, fostering sensitivity and compassion starts right at home. We have all witnessed casual misogynistic comments gain free passes under the guise of comedic banter. Calling out (or calling in) such intolerance is in our control.
Pigeonholing boys and girls into socially constructed gender norms not only limits the potential for sensitivity and compassion, but also destroys any residual creativity that may be lurking within.
We need to shift the conversation: it is no longer sufficient to refuse personal responsibility by saying it isn’t us who beat our wives and children or who reduce women to sexual objects. We must take charge and actively confront the ways in which we participate in patriarchy and profit from it.
We need to realize that tuning into a fight and promoting a man known for his abuse glorifies and condones domestic abuse.
We cannot foster sensitivity and compassion in young boys and men by simply teaching them to passively avoid harming others. Our children must be taught to actively take a stand for justice and to be critically mindful of the passive ways in which they may be promoting a culture of toxic masculinity.
Only then can we begin to redefine the culture around masculinity.
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Ha, the recently popular term “Toxic Masculinity”. The article even says “surrounded by a culture of Toxic Masculinity’. Dont you love it laying the boot in to men, its actually a form of bullying and being abusive to men, pseudo feminist. Most men are good men, our fathers, police, firemen, plumbers, carpenters, lawyers psychologist. We never want to forget that. You can be a strong man, love making things and be loving, compassionate, emotionally intelligent etc. They are definitely not mutually exclusive. I am a builder, blacksmith, baker, Buddhist prison chaplain, therapist, poet. Even have written a few articles for… Read more »
Destroying gender norms is why we are in the chaos we are now. Telling men that they can open emotionally is not going to help them. Telling little boys they can be girly is not going to help them. What will help them is not saying that in order to be accepted by society you have to be this docile feminized version of a man. The reason why societies thrive is because MEN put aside emotion and just did the job that needed to be done. If you think that pandering to women and their needs is going to help… Read more »
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Great article. Thank you. I love the call to action, the rally for men to “take charge and actively confront the ways in which we participate in patriarchy and profit from it.” Bravo!
Great Article !!