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This post is the opinion of the the author and does not necessarily represent The Good Men Project.
Kwame wrote this New Male Credo as a sarcastic response to the caustic behavior of too many men in leadership positions. He was taught growing up that a “man” was direct, honest, hard working, supportive of his family and community, sensitive to others, and someone who seeks to improve himself. What seems to pass as “manly” these days is often the antithesis of that.
We need a new male credo to make sure we can be “real men” now that Trump is President and The Era of The Mooch has begun.
1. Make a big show of being direct and forthright. NO, don’t actually be forthright or a man of your word. That’s dumb, because it could put you at a disadvantage on the way to your billions of dollars and chicks.
2. Talk about how great you are. Do this ad nauseam if possible.
3. Use your power to exclude others. Use any kind of characteristic, background, or attribute to exclude. It doesn’t matter. Back it up with lots of fear mongering and tough talk. Make sure people know everyone like “that” is a monster and you (only you) can vanquish the monster with swords and grenades and bombs and deadlifts.
4. Stick your penis in lots of women. Also, always talk about sticking your penis in them. When you are not doing that, talk about just your penis. You can never reference your penis enough. Send pics of it too. Chicks love that.
5. If someone hurts your feelings, destroy that person’s livelihood. Destroy their whole life if possible. Bonus points for that. No one puts you in a corner.
6. Anyone that criticizes you is just a hater who is jealous. Personal growth and reflection is for pussies. Not referencing the vagina here, because vaginas are strong enough to handle our big huge penises and baby things we make with our penises. We mean pussies like Reince Preibus because he told on us.
7. Steal, lie, and cheat at will. Since you are a man and you are doing it for power, you have an integrity force field that is impenetrable by mere mortal virtues like not lying. Pussies tell the truth. Refer to #6 for operational definition of pussy.
8. Gay is bad. Gender stuff is confusing and stupid.
9. Science is for pussies. Pussies like Al Gore. They are trying to get you to question your all knowingness. Also, they want you to be all intellectual, these science people. And intellectual is super gay. See #8.
10. Be pro military but you don’t have to serve or sacrifice anything. Just talk about guns like, all day. We don’t know how to accomplish this while we are talking about our penises. But try anyway. Also talk about whose ass you would kick. Do that a lot.
11. If you can lift heavy weights, be sure to mention this too. If you can’t, disparage what someone else lifts.
12. Finally, remember that lots of money makes you a man. If you don’t have that, you are a pussy. Men get tons of money. It makes penises grow bigger.
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Photo credit: Getty Images