“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” – Stephen Covey
Nothing is more important than trust in a relationship if you want it to last in the long term. Ideally, you should be able to trust the other person wholeheartedly and they should be able to trust you in the same way. However, trusting people can have disastrous consequences because not everyone is what they seem.
While a few people will be able to hide it so well that you won’t know till they break your trust, there are others who exhibit certain traits who will almost always prove untrustworthy in the end.
1) Excessive Charm
A person who seems uncommonly sweet and charming always makes me feel like something’s off about them and I’m hardly ever wrong when it comes to these people. A traitorous streak is carefully hidden within them that can take you by surprise. Pay attention and you’ll realize that they’re just interested in knowing more about you without reciprocating with any information about themselves. At some point their real intentions will be revealed but by then you’ll already be intricately entangled in a relationship with them.
2) Not Empathetic
To be able to deceive and hurt people exhibits a rather shocking lack of empathy. People who are empathetic wouldn’t be able to stab others in the back uncaringly because they’re aware of the kind of pain they can cause if they do so. This always makes them take a step back and think hard if they’re ever presented with such an opportunity.
3) Traits Linked to Narcissism
For a narcissist, nothing in this universe is more important than they are and everyone else exists just to do their bidding. Naturally this makes them the wrong people to trust in every situation. They’ll never own up to their mistakes and will come up with reasons to make it seem like you pushed them into making the wrong choices. Placing trust in them will surely end with your heart breaking because they care for nothing else but their own egos.
4) Unable to Keep Secrets
You know a person is untrustworthy if they’re revealing information that others told them in strict confidence. There’s a 99.9% chance that they’re already doing the same with whatever secrets you might have told them. They like to be in the know at all times so that they can share juicy rumours and gossip to make themselves more popular. They don’t hold any secrets confidential or sacred. By revealing such information, they hope to connect with more people by showing them that they’re especially close to others.
5) Fickle About Everything
Being indecisive is vastly different from being fickle. Indecisiveness affects people when it comes to trivialities and when all the choices seem equally good. But with fickle people, you can never trust any of their decisions no matter how important. They keep wavering between all extremes and no one can be assured of them staying loyal if they even value loyalty.
6) Yes Men
Beware of those who constantly keep sucking up to you. They’ll nod along with everything you say and never disagree. Even if you’re going completely off the rails, they’ll just keep offering you superficial praise because they think that they stand to gain something out of their association with you. If something goes awry in your life and you’re no longer in a position to offer them anything, they’ll be off before you know it and you’ll most likely never see them again.
7) Two Faced
Two faced might be the popular term but these people can have many personas. They’ll act differently with each and every person they meet and you can never be sure when they’re going to throw you over for someone else. In front of you, they’ll be perfectly sugary and sweet but the moment your back is turned, they’ll start criticizing every single thing about you when they think you aren’t listening. Placing your trust in them only means that the whole world will soon know all your secrets.
8) Prone to Being Abusive
In the beginning, they’ll be nice to you but there will always be signs that there’s something off about them. It will simply take some time for their mask to wear off exposing the true colours underneath. Once you place your trust in them, they’ll try to control you with that knowledge. Watch the way they interact with the people around them so that you are not caught unawares and can cut ties before your trust gives them power over you.
9) Avoid You in Public
These people will be really friendly with you when you’re alone with them or in places where nobody knows them. However, they’ll avoid you like the plague when you’re in the same place as other people who know them. If they’re doing so, they’re probably only trying to get close to you because they want something from you. Once they get whatever it is, they’ll leave without thinking twice about the pain their betrayal will cause you.
In a world that can be cold, harsh and unforgiving, you will often meet people with the traits described above. There’s precious little you can do about them without cutting yourself off completely from society. Since that is hardly a feasible or ideal option, just be careful about whom you place your trust in and remember that there are also many genuinely good people out there waiting for you to find them.
Just keep all this information in mind wherever you go and whenever you’re meeting someone for the first time. Remember that you don’t owe strangers anything and don’t feel bad if you stay reserved for some time, especially if you sense that there is something off about that person. Trust your instincts because they’re usually right and are in place to protect you from danger. And if someone gets to you, just remember, this too shall pass.
This post was previously published on www.themindsjournal.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member, today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all-access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class, and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group, and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Photo credit: Istockphoto.com