Award-winning slam poet Guante has some strong opinions about the phrase “Man up.”
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I recently found this brilliant piece by Guante, a hip-hop artist and two-time National Poetry Slam champion, and felt like sharing it with everyone.
Transcript from his website below.
1. Fuck you.
2. If you want to question my masculinity, like a schoolyard circle of curses, like a swordfight with lightsaber erections, save your breath. Because contrary to what you may believe, not every problem can be solved by “growing a pair.” You can’t arm-wrestle your way out of chemical depression. The CEO of the company that just laid you off does not care how much you bench. And I promise, there is no lite beer in the universe full-bodied enough to make you love yourself.
3. Man up? Oh that’s that new superhero, right? Mild-mannered supplement salesman Mark Manstrong says the magic words “MAN UP,” and then transforms into THE FIVE O’CLOCK SHADOW, the massively-muscled, deep-voiced, black-leather-duster-wearing superhero who defends the world from, I don’t know, feelings.
4. See I don’t drink a lot of beer… you know, because I’m not a “real man,” but I’m pretty sure that, of all the beers in the world, Miller Lite… is not the most flavorful brew. It kind of tastes like… whatever insecure jackass wrote these “man up” commercials got rejected by a beautiful, no-nonsense bartender, drank a six pack of REAL beer alone in his apartment, and then Miller bottled his tears.
5. You ever notice how nobody ever says “woman up?” They just imply it. Because women and the women’s movement figured out a long time ago that being directly ordered around by commercials, magazines and music is dehumanizing. When will men figure that out?
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free6. “Man Up” assaults our self esteem by suggesting that competence and perseverance are uniquely masculine traits. That women—not to mention any man who doesn’t eat steak, drive a pickup truck, have lots of sex with women and otherwise conform to gender norms absolutely—are nothing more than, background characters and props in a movie where the strong, stoic, REAL man is the hero. More than anything, though, it suggests that to be yourself—whether you, wear skinny jeans, listen to Lady Gaga, rock a little eyeliner, drink some other brand of light beer, or write poetry—will cost you.
7. How many boys have to kill themselves before this country acknowledges the problem? How many women have to be abused? How many trans people have to get assaulted? We teach boys how to wear the skin of a man, but we also teach them how to raise that skin like a flag and draw blood for it.
8. Boy babies get blue socks. Girl babies get pink socks. What about purple? What about orange, yellow, chartreuse, cerulean, black, tie-dyed, buffalo plaid, rainbow… there are so many beautiful colors and combinations of colors. Yet boy babies get blue socks. And girl babies get pink socks.
9. I want to be free, to express myself. Man up. I want to have meaningful, emotional relationships with other men. Man up. I want to be weak sometimes. Man up. I want to be strong in a way that isn’t about physical power or dominance. Man up. I want to cry if I feel like crying. Man up. I want to ask for help. Man up. I want to be who I am. Man up.
10. No.
This article originally appeared at No Seriously, What About Teh Menz?
Great article, but I think some of you are missing the larger point: you can respond to this kind of taunt intelligently and put the one taunting you in their place. And please, let’s not start on the rants about being victims as that will get you nowhere. The author is clearly telling you to empower yourself as men and move ahead being the kind of man you want to be. Maybe you aren’t used to this kind of messaging, but as women we have had secret emails circulating for YEARS telling us to do exactly the same thing.
Emotions are dumb, and I’m more than happy to beat the shit out of anyone who disagrees.
10 is by far my favorite answer. You have no idea how much this meant to me right now. I just spent the last several years giving my mother care that no-one else in the family was able or willing to give so that she could stay home during her process. Now as we reach the end of that process, I’m basically told the same type of thing from my sisters when I ask about what kind of support I’m going to get when the times comes for me to move on to the next phase of my life. After… Read more »
11. “I’ll man up when you woman up, barefoot & preggo in my kitchen. Until then, I’m an unfenced, free-range man.” This is specifically a response to the man-up & get married ultimatum.
As for any other type of “man up” exhortational emotional manipulation, the exhorter can pound sand.
“A man who is more concerned with being a good man than being good at being a man makes a very well-behaved slave.”
~Jack Donovan
“A man who is more concerned with being a good man than being good at being a man makes a very well behaved slave”. That is without a doubt the most insightful comment I have read ! I’m writing that down right now to save it!
Duffman says a lot of things. Oh yeah!
“Man up’ goes hand in hand with another popular sentiment that SNL jokingly referred to as ‘Women Great, Men Suck’ and it basically is applied to any situation to either castigate men or forgive women. If you point out to any woman that almost every single important invention in this world was created by men, they will invariably point out that women are just as responsible for them because a) they were the mothers and wives and b) men could never had done it without them and c) women have been ‘kept down’ so couldn’t invent anything but if they… Read more »
You mean you just noticed that? You must be very young, I’ve been seeing that for over 50 years!
But it is all part and parcel of women getting to decide when men should ‘act like men’ and when they shouldn’t. Basically when a) it is dangerous or b) the check comes. I’ve had women say ‘be a man’ when it comes to speaking up to the waiter, giving up a seat, or walking a woman home I don’t even know (presumably putting my life and limb on the line for her). Women routinely say “I want a man who acts like a man and knows how to treat a woman the way she deserves to be treated” yet… Read more »
I forgot the best response to someone telling you to “man up”:
*insert request for fellatio here*
Haha Beer. I get shit all the time for not drinking it. Its not manly seeing as it’s a scientific fact that it increases estrogen levels in the body. What man in his right mind would drink estrogen in a bottle?
omg beer increases estrogen levels?
So does cannabis. As does excess dietary carbohydrate, by causing excess body fat, which is definitely estrogenic.
Pot + beer + SAD (standard american diet) = manboobs. Actually, only 2 of the three needed.
So beer is now a woman’s drink? Okay. Thanks, that’s more beer for me. Bring on the Guinness!
Just wait until you read the studies about plastic food containers mimicking estrogen…. I’d put down that plastic water bottle if I were you.
Actually, body fat stores estrogen in both men and women. A man putting on fat is putting on estrogen. (In a way, my man boobs are not entirely man boobs….) So, I’m wondering how much it’s the beer that’s doing it and how much it could be the weight gain from drinking beer.
If you’re obsessed with making sure you’re a man, then you are not really a man, because you are not really functioning as an adult. If someone saying “grow a pair” has an effect on you, then you need to GROW up, not “man up”. Telling someone to “man up” is not any more sophisticated than saying “I triple dog dare you.” (See _A Christmas Story_ for the effects of such dares.)
“If someone saying “grow a pair” has an effect on you”
Eh, I get what you’re saying but an insult is an insult is a threat is a challenge. If someone disrespects me, I’m going to feel disrespected. No it’s not more sophisticated, it’s more insulting.
No denying that an insult feels insulting. I’m suggesting that a man’s anger at feeling disrespected can also be manipulated. It’s just as easy to manipulate as insecurity about one’s masculinity. If you tell me that you have to respond to every act of disrespect, then I’ve found a very convenient button to push.
I don’t think you have to respond to every act of disrespect but if someone is insulting you it’s probably still going to have an effect on you. It’s probably not gonna feel great even if you know what they’re saying is stupid.
That doesn’t make you less of an adult. It means you have feelings that can be hurt.
Why is the conversation limited to thinking ludicrous statements like “man up” have to be limited to observations based on dumb t.v. commercials? Besides, young people think a certain way but older people have more life experiences and can give a different perspective. However, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS keep in mind that it is NOT a crime to be young. The occupy movement has shown us that. Working together in albeit limited (where applicable) confines will do nothing but lift all of our lives to a new level of understanding. If you want to “screw” anything all of us should occasionally… Read more »
Marry me, John D. Oh wait. 😉
8)
Bam. Great comment.
On the average, good advice, however: 1) Marriage CAN be your choice too 2) Straight up tell her right away you intend to work 40 hours and have a life, any woman that raises the slightest objection to your ambitions for work-life balance is a non-starter 3) Hell No. 4) If you got this far, you already fucked up big time 5) Fight. Fight Hard, Fight Dirty, make it as hard as possible, bring extended family pressure to bear, do whatever it takes. “Number 1 is always the right response when “Man Up” equals: 1. Capitulate and get married 2.… Read more »
Response: 1. True 2. This might work. Then you get married and her sweet side disappears, especially when she’s not getting the routine spa days and free time to spend with her other b*tchy friends at Starbucks when she should be working. 3. See point 2. 4. You f’d up already by “putting a ring on it” in the first place. 5. You can fight as hard and as dirty as you want, but the bottom line is the U.S. has a corrupt family court system that swings way in the favor of the woman. Not only do you lose… Read more »
“5. You can fight as hard and as dirty as you want, but the bottom line is the U.S. has a corrupt family court system that swings way in the favor of the woman. Not only do you lose your possessions and your kids, but to add insult to injury you pay for your ex’s lawyer too!”
I really don’t understand how anyone can argue against this cold hard reality. But they continue to try to convince us young men that we’re just being paranoid. It’s so insane it would be almost funny if it wasn’t so cruel.
I already jumped off that cliff, going on 8 years ago. It is super important to get to know the woman you are going to marry/cohabitate with, especially where I live, I know, but some men don’t want to play the field forever. In my case, I hate dating (its a great way to spend a lot of time with women that you otherwise wouldn’t choose to) and in Canada if you stay unmarried and live with a woman the government graciously goes ahead and marries you anyway under common law. This is why I say that the advice above… Read more »
Number 1 is always the right response when “Man Up” equals: 1. Capitulate and get married 2. Get a job and work 60 hour weeks 3. With that money you toil for you are to buy that house with the white picket fence and a Land Rover for the wife 4. Max out that credit card when Valentine’s Day rolls around so she can say “He went to Jared!” 5. Accept it when she gets bored and leaves you, and takes your possessions and your kids along with her. 6. Repeat cycle as many times as possible until you die.… Read more »
Well put brother! I’m in the same “boat” as you and oddly enough, I never feel the need to make sure I have a life jacket.
You 2 guys represent the ‘New Wave’ of Manhood. You’ve seen Women gain ‘rights’ without responsibility and watched men lose rights while gaining responsibilities. And you’ve chosen to ‘opt out’. Can’t say I blame you as it certainly seems the ‘smart move’.
It’s a lot more than just beer commercials or single guy friends that needs to be fought. There are many legal barriers to men performing the female gender role. In a country where (post divorce) family court enforces that most men cannot expect to parent their own children if the mother doesn’t wish it, we simultaneously have women who can become CEO’s, judges, astronauts. Women are setting and breaking many barriers (more woman in the workforce, women are 60% of those enrolled in college, women earn 200,000 more bachelor degrees per year, the list goes on and on), fathers get… Read more »
I think the two go hand in hand. While shaming tactics and negative media portrayal of men may only be an annoyance to adults, it fucking destroys young boys.
I make that point all the time. THere is not one commerical where a woman makes the wrong choice, men are always portrayed as the idiot who couldn’t figure out the right dryer/car/cable service you name it. Women routinely talk down to them like they are idiots, Is it a conincidence that the ratio of male-female suicides has jumped from 2-1 to 4-1 in 40 years? I mentioned this to a female friend and she blew it off with ‘men are more violent’.
“Is it a conincidence that the ratio of male-female suicides has jumped from 2-1 to 4-1 in 40 years? I mentioned this to a female friend and she blew it off with ‘men are more violent’.”
Anyone who even dared saying something like that would definitely not be talking to me ever again
According to one doctor(sorry, I can’t recall his name) who wrote a book called ‘Dying to be Men’, the suicide rate is actually around 12-1 ! He estimates 80 men per day kill themselves! soceitys reaction, meh.
“In a country where (post divorce) family court enforces that most men cannot expect to parent their own children if the mother doesn’t wish it” And cannot expect to have the child they conceived live if the mother does not wish it. And cannot expect to NOT have their child born or otherwise renounce that same child if the mother does not wish it, a basic right granted by Roe V Wade i.e the right to decide how to use one’s own body and not be forced into indentured servitude (the very wording used by one of the judges but… Read more »
I’m in a first option kind of mood. Being a man in the 21st century almost requires number one as the go to response. We are up to our eyeballs in liars, manipulators, and destroyers. You come at me and you’ve got to prove who you are. Otherwise save it for the next chuckle head down the road.
Man up is a manipulation, it is usually used to attempt to coerce a man into doing what a woman wants. When a man refuses, attempted shaming techniques include trying to make his refusal appear infantile rather than the choice of an adult.
I vote for Answer number 1. Every time.
It is not meant to make him appear infantile or not be the action of an adult. It is clearly meant to make him feel emasculated, weak, scared, in short, a woman.
“Man up is a manipulation, it is usually used to attempt to coerce a man into doing what a woman wants.”
What is it when a man says it to another man?
Still manipulation, although I wouldn’t characterise it as coercing men into doing what women want so much as into performing their assigned gender role. Both genders pressure both genders into conforming.
I am sorry, I laugh hysterically when this type of manipulative talk is tossed around. I am sorry try being anything BUT a white male in this country and then boo-who about the phrase “man-up.” First of all, it doesn’t actually mean anything. It’s what you take from it. Hell I asked a girlfriend not to long ago and said, “Man up and just tell me if you are mad.” It has nothing to do with some machismo ideal of men…but rather a compliment, a term of endearment to the sex, complimenting one of its good points and “man” isn’t… Read more »
“I didn’t mean man like in a machismo sense but rather in the sense that MAN is the adult form of a male and I was expecting him to act like an adult. Yes now I wish I would of used a different word but that’s what it is. When people say MAN UP they are asking males to stop acting like boys or children when they should be acting like adults.” Wow bro. You really bent over backwards to try to prove that “man up” is a phrase used equally for men and women and actually refers to “human… Read more »
“gender is a social construct.”
Hmmm, interesting. I must have missed that scientific paper that showed that Y chromosomes are functionally the same as X chromosomes, and that testosterone performs the same biological functions as estrogen.
As far as taking offense, getting defensive, being insecure, yeah, those are some weak qualities in any human, and yes, especially for males. Damned social constructs.
I’ll guess it’s best to be yourself.
We were at a work birthday party having cake. I work out religiously and watch what I eat so I asked for a small slice. This obese woman I work with asked me if I was watching “my girlish figure” and told me to eat a full piece like a man. It was so fucking ludicrous I wasn’t even angry. I just ate my small piece and left quietly. Apparently “real men” gorge themselves on cake.
Yes we do, but can you blame us? Cake is delicious!!!