Marc Quinn wants to introduce you to a new kind of men’s group—no nudity required.
I’ll admit it; I was a wimpy kid. When another kid tried to punch me once—grazing me lightly on my chin—I ran off bawling to the teacher.
I had such a sensitive outlook on life that by the time I hit high school, I promised myself I wouldn’t show any more emotions. But truth was, I felt a lot. I knew I wanted my life to be rich and filled with emotion.
I began looking into men’s groups as I got older, and found people doing all sorts of things I found bizarre—things like nature retreats, rites of passage, and birthing ceremonies. Occasionally, there was nudity; frequently, there were drums—all instant turn-offs. Yes, I wanted to expand my sphere of experience, but at the end of the day, I still want to reach down and confirm that I have a pair of nuts between my legs.
♦♦♦
Then, a few years ago I stumbled on “Men’s Work,” a men’s group in Vancouver where I discovered other guys like me. We all wanted to be freely emotional, deep, loving, compassionate and even spiritual. But we still wanted to be men. You know, dudes—hombres—guys. Most were guys like me who had politely declined other men’s groups that made us feel like new-age wimps. We called it “evolution in progress.”
It’s a term that guys like Jayson Gaddis are well acquainted with. A men’s coach in Boulder, Colorado, Gaddis is pioneering a new nonprofit organization called “The Evolving Men’s Conference,” which brings together established leaders of men’s groups, fatherhood groups, and other men’s organizations to contribute their collective wisdom, knowledge, and experience. (The conference is expected to launch in 2011.)
The sentiment is growing. In the UK, Alex Linsley, a co-founder of the Man Collective, launched a group that provides Oxford guys with a platform to share and support each other in their growth as men. What started as a small group ended up being featured on the BBC and in national newspapers.
“Men often work in isolation, yet many existing men’s groups and organizations have developed profound emotional, spiritual, and practical methods for bringing men out of that isolation and into action,” explains Gaddis. “As a result, these men live more fulfilling lives. But often the men’s organizations do the very thing they purport to frown upon—work in isolation, and hide their challenges.”
♦♦♦
After all my research into “Men’s Work,” I was tired of seeing my growth as one giant therapy session. I was willing to be vulnerable and I wasn’t afraid of a few tears, but one question that occurred to me again and again was, “is this it?” I’m a 27-year old man, and I like watching things blow-up in movies, a good beer at the end of the week, and shooting space aliens on a screen as much as the next guy. I was still waiting for something more appealing and current.
Enter the Man Collective. As a co-founder, I have to admit that I’m biased, but I describe the Man Collective as a couple of naïve young men who, yes, like to talk about our feelings, and who would like to grow to be good men. But we would also like it to be a setting where we can still occasionally be obnoxious, and let our naïveté be our greatest asset. To me, it’s a place for men who are tired of the same old messages, and want to grow as part of a community of other powerful, compassionate men.
The goal is to leave a huge impact on the well-being of men who are ready to kick ass, and create a new masculine paradigm.
That, and tell the occasional fart joke.
—Marc Quinn
Visit The Evolving Men’s Conference to learn more.
About Marc Quinn
Vocalyze
Can somebody inform me as to why I would take advice from a “life coach” whose opening line in his biography is – “Unable to hold down a steady job for many years, I finally realized I needed to do something much more fitting of my talents than being really good at interviews.”
Great stuff Mark.
Hearing you speak about this a few times, it’s clear that this is on purpose for you.
Follow that, man!
I’ll see you at the meeting – clutching a beer, some smokes, and an afternoon of stored up farts.
Help!!!! I was (after having lived half of a life) diagnosed with an abnormal level of female hormones for a male. I need some grounding here. Know of any men’s groups in the LA area?
Amen.
I have long believed that whatever passes as a men’s movement in the US has never grown beyond a source of curiosity and amusement simply because most such attempts veil themselves in secrecy and wrap themselves in rituals that have little to do with the lives and needs of modern men.
“I began looking into men’s groups as I got older, and found people doing all sorts of things I found bizarre—things like nature retreats, rites of passage, and birthing ceremonies. Occasionally, there was nudity; frequently, there were drums—all instant turn-offs. Yes, I wanted to expand my sphere of experience, but at the end of the day, I still want to reach down and confirm that I have a pair of nuts between my legs.”
It seems you have drawn conclusions about these other men’s groups based on of pre-conceived notions – using bits of pieces of of information that support them. It’s great you have co-founded a group that resonates with you ( and that meets your needs and the needs of others), but there is no need to bash what works for other men just because it doesn’t “sound” like it would work for you.
Another outstanding resource is the King’s Men, HQ’d in PA, founded by Mark Houck and Damien Wago. Awesome experience with the Into the Wild Retreat Weekends. (No drums nor nudity!) At any rate, worth the time to check it out!
I protest. Hand drummers have GREAT upper bodies. Be a man and get yourself a djembe.
OK, that’s my silly sexist point of view. Seriously, I am glad to see you’ve broadened the man spectrum for yourself and those like you. That’s the way to do it!
Sorry Marc, but I have to agree with Mike on this one. There are plenty of great men’s groups out there and I’ve attended a few including primal groups like the “…nature retreats, rites of passage…” that turned you off (although, until now, I’ve never heard of a birthing ceremony). Most of them, to my knowledge, didn’t emphasize nudity other than shedding the business suit or the casual business polo shirt and khakis.
I’m sure your particular brand of the new men’s movement will be just as successful, but disparaging other groups in that manner is counter-productive. We’re all working towards being good men in the face of rampant sexism and blatant men-bashing in the media.
@Randy @Mike – I totally hear you. I have been called out on that many times by many men I have spoken to in the men’s movement. I am looking forward to learning from the men at the EMC this September what they do and opening myself to that. I have been promised to be taken on one of these retreats so I’ll be donning whatever I need to don in order to get into that.
I’m really passionate about looking for that new edge of men’s work, it is so crucially important to me that I look beyond what has been done into what the best way forward would be. At the same time, I have been prone to negate what has gone before on more than one occasion much like a teenager makes fun of everything that has gone before. I don’t take your critique lightly, and certainly appreciate the perspective. Thanks, guys
!
Great post. Reminds me of this hilarious John Stewart vid on the end of the age of men: http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-february-3-2010/male-inequality
I don’t think one giant therapy session is the answer either – though many of us sure could use some. Men need something more.
Getting men together to talk about their lives is a challenge.
The reasons are many, from cultural conditioning, to how we treat each other as young men, to misconceptions about men’s work that has gone before. I think many guys find it hard to trust that there is any There There.
But, in my work and in my private life I know the power of men coming together to create a community.
I think my participation in my men’s group here in Portland Maine has allowed me to trust other men more, let go of my belief that rage is integral to my manhood, and allowed me to be a more preent and understanding parent and partner. I owe a lot to the men in that circle and am proud to be able to all them friends.
The circle we sit in every Tuesday night has been in existence (in several different locations and with members coming and going) for over 20 years. When I think of that, I feel really lucky to have found myself in a seat in the midst of that history.
To become a real man is to know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.To come under the authority of Jesus–now thats a real man.
What about Freemasonry? Freemasonry has been teaching men to be good men for centuries, and has provided leadership opportunities, personal development, intellectual growth, and spiritual connection in a tolerant, interfaith setting.
Men need initiation. They need to feel they are chosen by their peers, that their peers value them as men. You cannot purchase that experience. You have to be chosen and invited for initiation to be meaningful. Freemasonry provides this. It certainly is not for everyone, as some religions object to its universality, and the fraternity does not admit atheists, but for those who experience what it has to offer, there is a lot about mentorship and a deep contemplation of manhood beyond the aggressive or bumbling stereotypes provided in the media.