Anna Levinzon photo
Aaron Gouveia and his wife were already having the worst day of their lives. Then came the abortion protesters.
“You’re killing your unborn baby!”
That’s what they yelled at me and my wife on the worst day of our lives. As we entered the women’s health center on an otherwise perfect summer morning in Brookline, two women we had never met decided to pile onto the nightmare we had been living for three weeks. These “Christians” verbally accosted us—judged us—as we steeled ourselves for the horror of making the unimaginable, but necessary, decision to end our pregnancy at 16 weeks.
After extensive testing at a renowned Boston hospital three weeks earlier, we were told our baby had Sirenomelia. Otherwise known as Mermaid Syndrome, it’s a rare (one in every 100,000 pregnancies) congenital deformity in which the legs are fused together. Worse than that, our baby had no bladder or kidneys. Our doctors told us there was zero chance for survival.
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I’m not a religious person and I’ve never believed in heaven or hell. But there is a hell on Earth. Hell is sitting next to the person you love most and listening to her wail hysterically because her heart just broke into a million pieces. Hell is watching her entire body convulse with sobs because she’s being tortured with grief. For as long as I live and no matter how many children we have, I will never forget that sound. And I vowed to do everything in my power to make sure she’d never make it again.
Across a crowded street, two people with “God Is Pro-Life!” signs and pictures of torn-up fetuses managed to drive the blade in even deeper. Again, I was left trying to console the inconsolable, feeling even more helpless this time, because I wasn’t allowed into surgery with her.
Running on pure adrenaline, and without even a hint of a plan, I grabbed my cell phone and crossed the street. I didn’t know what to say or how to say it, I just knew I wanted to make public the cowardice of these protesters.
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I learned a few important things from this encounter. First, these people aren’t used to being confronted. They prey on the weak and they pounce on the wounded. It’s easy to berate people and shame them when they’re too beaten down to fight back. But I chose to do just that, and you can see what happened.
They spout the same tired rhetoric passed out at rallies and subway stations. They don’t have one salient response to any of my questions.
The most telling thing about their cowardice is when the woman on the right gets upset that I’m recording the conversation (which is perfectly legal) and then threatens to call the police. The irony is rich. She wanted to call the police because I was peacefully expressing my opinion on a public sidewalk and exercising my First Amendment rights, which is exactly what she was doing. But I’m not on “God’s side,” am I.
She also claims the women at the clinic are suicide risks. Even if she believed that were true, does she really think yelling at them and shaming them in public is going to encourage these women not to kill themselves?
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After I took a walk and calmed down, it was time to pick up my wife and go home. When we pulled out of the clinic, the protesters were gone, and a police cruiser was parked nearby with the lights flashing. My wife, still groggy from the surgery, managed to crack a little smile, and asked, “What did you do?”
I have no idea if it was my interaction with the protesters that got them to leave. I doubt it was, but my wife was convinced that was the case. At first, I didn’t think of it as a big deal, and I actually felt a little foolish for getting so heated.
My wife, suddenly serious, pointed out a women entering the clinic. Within minutes, she said, that woman would be making a serious choice. Whether she kept her baby or not, it didn’t matter—what matters is that she can make the decision that’s right for her. And she can make it without people screaming at her.
My wife and I wanted our second child. We loved her. We even had a name for her, Alexandra.
You never know the circumstances surrounding this kind of decision. Consider this my plea: stop terrorizing women. Stop adding trauma to their trauma. If you’re able, stand up to these bullies in nonviolent ways. Speak out. And if you have a camera, use it.
—Read Aaron Gouveia’s follow-up piece to Confronting LIfe, ”I Will Lie To Patients (Well, Only If They’re Having An Abortion)”.
—Aaron Gouveia is a regular contributor to The Good Men Project Magazine. Want to know when Aaron’s next piece comes out? Sign up for our email mailing list. To learn more about The Good Men Project, click here.
About Aaron Gouveia
I’m pro-life, but I think we should love the ladies who are doing this…but I think you should check this movie out:
http://www.180movie.com/
This movie instantly verifies Godwin’s law, it’s so easy and maybe efficient on some people. Comparing a choice (I clearly am pro-choice) that only the pregnant woman has to make to a genocide (I also am from a Jewish family which suffered from the Holocaust) seems particularly unhealthy to me.
Beside this ‘would you kill a man’ argument, another argument frequently used by pro-lifes is : women who underwent an abortion are more likely to commit suicide and have mental weaknesses. Well, it has not been proved by any study. Moreover, don’t you think a child who has been raised feeling he was not wanted, and a woman raising a kid she knows she is not able to for any reason, would not have any mental problems ?
I’m sorry if there is any mistake in that comment, for I am French.
Well said, Clem.
Typical Fundie Response: “Well, they just need Jesus!” herpderp
Horrible documentary. Extremely bias, unintelligent interviewer as it is extremely clear that he has chosen not to include any footage that does not support his views. Are we really to believe that no one was able to offer an intelligent rebuttal, case and point being this situation.
This is not a documentary. This is what happened to him & his wife. Those women assaulted his wife as she was walking in. In this country a woman gets to choose what happens to her own body. If the baby is going to die in the course of gestation then it needs to be aborted so that the woman doesn’t run the risk of dieing. These imbeciles need to learn that not every woman goes to an abortion clinic because she screwed around & doesn’t want a baby. What happens if it’s a 15 year old girl who has been raped by her own father & is now pregnant? Do you really think she wants to have that baby? People need to think before they open their mouths. Much less, scream at others.
He was replying to the comment at the top, not to the article.
Are you kidding me? That’s Ray Comfort, a well-known scammer! That movie’s 100% biased towards pro-life, and is pure propaganda, like everythimg else Comfort has done! It’s as much a documentary as Ben Stein’s “Expelled” was a documentary, and we all know how stupid that movie was. Do yourself a favor and don’t watch bible-thumping retards that don’t even have a convincing argument.
@Caleb Gordon:
This film is a steaming pile of propaganda, the likes of which is disgusting only for their callous use of holocaust imagery. Most importantly, the end of the movie urges the viewer to accept god; thus (as if for no other reason) making this film’s reasoning invalid.
You basically assualted them. They were protesting peacefully, whilst you perpertarted psychological violence, in the name of ironic hipocracy. You effected intimidation upon women and as you are a man the implication of physical violence is rich in your angry demeanor. It is only natural they felt threatened in a male dominated culture that effects confrontation as a preamble to violent control.
Try to be a good man.
In what way would it matter whether he was male or female? These women are making the ladies using the abortion centre feel uncomfortable, awkward and even worse on a horrible day of their life. The women outside were staging a peaceful protest yes, but they know and were probably prepared for the fact that some people find their views controversial, and probably would have figured out that the it was more likely a man go up to them and speak to them, the women would be feeling vulnerable and upset.
Just because you use long words (and misspell them) it doesn’t mean that your argument is correct.
He did something similar to what they did, but for entirely different reasons. They were yelling at women for getting abortions without any prior knowledge of the women’s situations, specifically to make them feel terrible about something. He was called them out on that fact and yelling at them for doing so.
Good that they feel threatened, they were doing that to others.
Maybe they will think twice before trying to shame others to their point of view, they didn’t seem to enjoy it much.
I hope I’m lucky enough to have a guy who will stand up for me if I ever need him to.
I completely agree with Sugar. He did not intimidate those two women, he simply expressed his perspective of the situation to these unintelligent protestors; with extreme restraint I might add, considering how emotional the topic was for him. You may have thought that they were intimidated because extremely hypocritical women on the right was unable to perceive any perspective than her own. The fact that she was ready to call the police because she was unable to deal with the argument that he posted only further confirms his point. Since you have trouble spelling, I’ll spell it out for you. This is obviously an issue that is close to the protestor’s heart and she was experiencing extreme emotions towards the subject which left her without the capacity to respond to the ailing father. Imagine how his wife felt while walking into the clinic to abort the child that they had already named because it was not going to survive regardless. Given the extremely vulnerable state of the mothers, it is actually the protestors who are engaging in malicious attacks. Therefore, you clearly do not realize the hypocrisy that is present in this situation, being the fact that this extremely rude protestor is unable to listen to his criticism. Both yourself and these protestors are evidently unable to realize that abortion clinics are not the correct or an effective place to voice pro-life opinions since they have no control over legislature.
I would like to commend Aaron for having the courage to share his story with us, since I can appreciate how hard it can be. It is clear that Aaron only has the best interest of his family in mind, including the baby that unfortunately was unable to survive.
No, screaming and yelling at people who are going through hell on earth is psychological torture, telling them why what they are doing is EVIL is not. He made them feel threatened? How about the dotors who are no longer willing to perform life-saving medical procedures because they are scared they will be shot, or their homes will be burned down with their families inside? That’s religious terrorism, coming from Christians. He had a point, they are bad people, get over it.
He was standing up for himself and his wife. The WOMEN WERE ASSAULTING HIM in case you didn’t realize. Also, he never threatened them, nor did he approach them in a angry manner. He stated the reason he was there, asked why they are ruining people’s lives, and left.
Wait, what?
He did nothing worse than what those two women were doing. Heck, if anything, the women were at fault. What this man’s wife was doing, can be compared to putting down a dog that’s about to die to ease the suffering. Add in the fact his wife, might die if she attempted to carry the child to term. The child was dead, didn’t have the necessary organs.
So this man and his wife, were going to put down their unborn child, whom they’ve already named. Then these . . . well, bitches, yelled at them, called them killers. Now I’ve never been in that circumstance, but I have had my dog put down. I remember crying for weeks. I couldn’t imagine if, on the way to the vet to remove my dog from misery, I was yelled at, screamed at, being accused of horrible crimes. Most likely, I would have snapped, exploded. This man, tolerated it extremely well, especially considering it was his child he had to put down, not his dog.
This is why I hate many people in the world. They jump to conclusions, think they have the answers, but have none of the facts in which to make a sound decision. You don’t know, and you shouldn’t pretend to know. Everyone’s circumstances are different. The only one that knows for sure, is God. Are you God? No, so drop it, leave it to God, he’ll be the judgement.
Well said.
I watched the video and read through what you wrote and I just wanted to congratulate you. Disregard what “yes” says. I don’t think that he even attempted to put himself in your shoes. I’m pretty sure that if this ever happened to me, I probably wouldn’t be able to stay as calm as you would, but I definitely would be talking back to them and giving them a piece of my mind. Thank you for standing up to those tyrants. I hope that more people take your example.
I agree wholeheartedly with yes. The way Aaron expressed his opinion was neither tactful nor was it respectful. I am vice president of my high school’s pro-life club and have been to the March for Life in D.C. for the past two years. I have written numerous papers and done tons of research on the subject. I am well-versed in the pros and cons. Your wife had to have an abortion because it was medically necessary and i distinctly remember one of the women saying, “Healthy babies.” Forgive me if I heard incorrectly. She also said sorry when you first explained the situation. Watching this made me feel sick to my stomach. I do not support the women yelling at people passing by and you and your wife. When we protest, we do so prayerfully and silently. You’re right, they were wrong to yell, but that does not justify your response. You could have calmly come up to them, explained the situation, and asked them not to yell because it is upsetting and rude. But calling someone else the “lowest common denominator” is entirely unacceptable. You are judging them by saying that; it was one hundred percent cruel to say. It is like saying someone is worth the gum on your shoe and that is completely unfair and false. Every person has dignity and worth before God (go read the Catholic Social Teachings) and deserves respect. You did not treat those women with any of the three. I understand you disagree and I support you telling them why, but not the manner in which you do so. It is better to either turn your cheek or express your opinion in a tactful and respectful way. If you give people respect, most people will return it. If they do not, that proves you are the bigger person. You have the right to believe and say what you want. I will listen and respect someone’s opinion, but I would not ever yell at them and make them feel like the lowest common denominator.That is not what a Good Man does.
Where did you hear the women say “healthy babies?’
also,
How do you think they meant it?
Such a naive girl, have you ever had group of individuals pretesting at one of your family funeral due to the difference of logic and opinion? In one of the saddest day in your life, emotionally vulnerable, would you be able to suppress your anger and speak in calm and respectful manner to those individuals? Until you have had that experience, you should not pass your judgement on those that have.
Spoken just like someone who has never had the life experience that the author has. It is so easy to judge isn’t it?
just remember, shes lived a long life…shes Vice President of her HIGH SCHOOL Pro-Life Group.
I will agree that the woman on the left (the first woman) was somewhat apologetic but you clearly were unable to perceive the extremely confrontational stance that the woman on the right took. Even after hearing Aaron’s unique situation she continued to reiterate her invalid point. Watch the video again and hopefully this time you will notice that he shifted his attention away from the women who was somewhat apologetic. Since you have agreed that these protestors should not be maliciously attacking woman outside clinics, what do you propose should be done to mitigate this? Law enforcement doesn’t have the authority to stop these protests so someone must stand up to them and protect the fragile mothers. Aaron was not intimidating these woman, he was simply trying to help them gain perspective that they clearly did not have prior to this interaction. On that note, I welcome anyone who will make these protestors – who have no regard for human emotions in this situation – feel uncomfortable and discouraged from protesting outside abortion clinics. They should join the intelligence people who share their views who are trying to affect change within the government, as opposed to harassing other people.
“The way Aaron expressed his opinion was neither tactful nor was it respectful”
And standing outside a clinic yelling at vulnerable and fragile women is?
Protesting silently is just as disrespectful. Jesus would not stand outside a clinic and hold up pictures of God. That is judgement and hatred. And standing on the side of the road, engaging in judgement and hatred, with no knowledge of how those actions are going to affect the people’s lives that cross your path is extremely disrespectful.
“It is better to either turn your cheek or express your opinion in a tactful and respectful way.” There is nothing tactful and respectful about standing outside that clinic. No matter how you try and justify it in your mind, there is nothing kind or thoughtful about that mode of expressing oneself.
If Jesus was here, everyone knows he would tell you to reach out and offer help. Not recommendations, not ultrasounds of their baby, not “advice” on how to make a decision. Just a shoulder to cry on, and a hand to offer assistance. Do not hold up a sign of God, wearing your religion like a badge. Is your kindness contingent upon accepting Jesus? Is your kindness contingent upon people knowing that Jesus is behind your kindness?
No. That’s not Christian. And that’s not his teaching. Be a kind person. Think of others. Be there for them. Don’t make them feel like shit, especially when you don’t even know who they are. (Don’t deflect the argument on his behaviour. His behaviour does not change whether or not their behaviour was right)
Are you KIDDING me? They apologized, only because they were called out on it. These two women were harassing people they knew nothing about for no reason. Your apparent approach to protesting at abortion facilities is so rare, I don’t believe it. In fact, excuse me for being so jaded, but I refuse to believe that this is the case. That aside, when someone gets passionate about someone, especially their family, their tends to be passion and in some people ruthlessness because they are PROTECTING them. Just seeing groups of people with t-shirts with crosses on them standing quietly across the street from a clinic is a psychologically damaging response, because 99.99 percent of the time those people are protesters and are extremely hostile toward women and their husbands on the worst possible day of their lives.
A good man does not call someone the lowest common denominator. I do not support abortion, but in your case there is nothing wrong with it. The women were wrong to yell, but you could have treated them with more respect than they treated you. If you treat people with respect and tactfully express your opinion and they do not respect you in return, it merely proves you are the bigger person. This video did not prove that. I think it is one hundred percent cruel to call someone the lowest common denominator. It is ironic that you are yelling at them for judging you and not respecting people because you are not respecting them by being so rude. I agree with yes. This video made me sick to my stomach because one of the first things I heard the women say was, correct me if i’m wrong, was “I’m Sorry.” I think it was despicable to treat someone like the gum on the bottom of your shoe. Yeah, they were wrong. But so are you.
…let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone…
John 8:7
AMEN!!!!
Really you want him to treat others with respect. those women show no respect for the people they verbally abuse. That iit they were doing. Could be havedone so politelyyes. But never would.I expect someone to be pollite when they are going through that and they do not deserve polliteness they were rude and inconsiderate. Since when does god condone bullying and abuse . Simple answer.he doesn’t. It is also.not up to us to judge.
Catherine, you’re nuts. The guy’s daughter was aborted during that conversation. If that had been me, I would have pushed the stupid ladies into the on coming traffic. Because, unlike Aaron, I am not a good man. He is. He defended his wife, and her right to choose. He defended his baby girl, who could never have survived out of uterus, and he did so without swearing, without violence. Sure, that speech won’t win any debating competitions, but FFS if that’s him at his lowest, most vulnerable and angry point arguing… the guys a saint.
Wow I gotta say to all the people gettin all upset and saying those ladys werent doing wrong.. they were.. I’m pro choice too.. But at the same time, they had no right to stand there and yell at just anyone! They dont know what the reason is for someone walking into that place.. what if she were a rape victim or like these people story, what if the baby were already dying? Does that make it right to still stand there and yell with out asking any questions? No it does not! People like that should be put on camera and shown as an example of not what to do! I think this is awesome what that guy did! And now I say good day!
Not all pro-lifers are like that. I’m certainly not/
But you empower those that are. Honestly, you’re no different than Muslims who don’t denounce 9/11. You’re just another type of religious terrorist.
Not all pro-lifers are religious.
Moderator’s Note: Edited to remove personal insult.
Aaron, thank you for standing up to these women. They are truly cowards to yell at you and your wife without any understanding of what you were going through. I am also one of the unfortunate women who had to terminate my pregnancy for medical reasons this past August and was shocked to be sent by the hospital to an abortion clinic for the procedure. I was terrified that there would be protesters, but luckily there were not. I am married and have been tring to have a child for 7 years. We received our devastating diagnosis and made a difficult decision to terminate rather than to have the baby suffer any further and put our family through further turmoil. The decision to end a pregnancy in those circumstances is so heartbreaking and it is none of their business, they should not be judging people when they have NEVER been down that path themselves. You are my hero, I am so glad that you had the courage to speak out against these ignorant, thoughtless women. Although they would not listen to you, I’m glad that you did it because many women like me and your wife are without a voice in this issue. These bullies are so loud and obnoxious with their signs and yelling, they just make the hell we are going through even more painful. I have compassion for all women who have to go to that clinic. Everyone has their own decision to make and has to live with that decision for the rest of their lives. Who am I to judge or to try to tell them what to decide without even knowing the facts of their situation? I know that I made the right decision for my baby and my family, and I made that decision out of love. It is because of women like these that I do not share my story with people that I meet, I tell them I had a miscarriage because I never know amongst my aquaintances who is a crazy pro-lifer who will criticise and harass me about what I have done. My family and close friends know the whole story and they support me completely. I wish the general public could be more supportive and that termination for medical reasons were not a taboo subject. I have never met anyone who has told me they have had an abortion for medical reasons, but I’m willing to bet that someone who has had a “miscarriage” are actually TFMR. It has been a terrible thing to go through in my life and I hope that everyone that has not experienced it, and I hope you never do, can at least have the compassion to refrain from passing judgement.
I forgot to add that I am so angry that because of women like these the hospital will not do the procedure, even for medical reasons, because they do not want to put the other patients and staff at risk of lunatic protestors on a regular basis. They sent me to a clinic that has increased security, bulletproof glass, secret passwords & identity checks, all because of these irrational and dangerous people. It’s an insult added to injury to have to worry about this, on top of what I’ve already been through. My baby was very much wanted, they have no understanding of this.
The voice of raitolnaity! Good to hear from you.
I completely disagree with what these women did. I am pro-life, but there are certain circumstances where if the health of the baby or the mother is at a severe risk, it is the mother’s choice. This baby had very little chance at survival, and no hope for a normal, healthy life. These parents were attending a funeral, and these inconsiderate women are yelling at them without knowing the whole story. Using abortion as a birth control is wrong, and if you can’t support your baby, then put it up for adoption and help a family in your area that is unable to conceive and bless them with a child that otherwise wouldn’t have a chance at a great life. But in this instance, there is nothing wrong with doing what they did. They were mournful, they named their child, and I think I can safely say this was one of the worst days of their lives. These women need to read up on their Bibles and learn to love more, accept more, and to judge less. Shame on them.
The problem with putting all the kids up for adoption that are unwanted is that the US cannot support that many kids (who will pay for all these kids that are being aborted?). We currently have over 90,000 in foster care. If we cannot find homes for all the current kids in foster care, why bring more children into a world where their future is questionable, leaving a horrific mental scar on the woman who is forced to part with a child? I don’t see the abortion topic as being black or white, I am only pro-choice because no person should ever tell me what I should do with my body, but I believe that there is something awfully wrong with a country with so many children in need of homes, the highest infant mortality rate of a first world nation, and a society that wants to protect the unborn but not support the children that are currently in need.
THIS. Most kids don’t get adopted unless they’re healthy and white.
Great blog! I really love how it’s easy on my eyes as well as the information are well written. I am wondering how I could be notified whenever a new post has been made. I have subscribed to your rss feed which ought to do the trick! Have a nice day!
We need to take America back from these religious extremists. If someone told you they believed 100% in a book with talking snakes, and 600 year old men in it, how can you honestly not think them to be anything but insane?
There’s a good change those women had abortions too. 24% of women who had abortions considered the procedure morally wrong, and 7% of women who’d had abortions disagreed with the statement, “Any woman who wants an abortion should be permitted to obtain it legally.” A 1994/95 survey (2,3) of nearly 10,000 abortion patients showed 18% of women having abortions are born-again or Evangelical Christians.
http://mypage.direct.ca/w/writer/anti-tales.html
Abortion has become the most ridiculous buzzword. If you disagree with abortion, don’t have one. If your pro choice, choose away. It’s as simple as that. Shouting and using graphic images to sway the emotions of others either way is ridiculous. I think most everyone missed the point here. You don’t know someone else’s situation, just try to be kind to your fellow humans, or at least respectful. And to the author, I am terribly sorry for your loss. And the ignorance of human beings
I cannot believe some of the comments on here, defending these horrible women, and attacking the character of this man.
Quite frankly, if it was me, and I had lost my child (in his eyes, that’s what was happening) I would have snapped. He was pretty calm for someone who lost a child . . . named Alexandria, and being called a murderer, in a short span of time. These pro-life protesters are not nice, they’re never decent. They’re heinous. They attack this husband and wife, who wanted a second child, and lost their child. No different to someone who gave birth and had their child die from cancer. It’s not their fault, yet they’re not only being blamed for it, but accousted . . . heavily for it.
If they were against elective abortions, for purposes of “well, I really don’t want a baby now, but I can’t keep my legs together” I would agree. But no, these radicals are the types that are okay with women giving birth to a child as a result of a rape. These radicals are okay with women dying due to complications with pregnancy, in which they would have been saved if they had an abortion. Same type to criticize everything that planned parenthood does, even though abortions are a small part of it. Same kind that blow up abortion clinics.
What they should be doing is promoting abstinence, contraceptives, adoption, and foster care. They’re not, they’re yelling and screaming at people, while holding signs. Critizing people that they have no clue on why they’re there. Nope, better to open your mouth and scream murder, just in case it might be murder. INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY! Nope, not in their books, you approach that door, you’re guilty, no other basis or fact, just you and that door. They’re jumping to conclusions, going about the wrong way with things. Treating the symptoms, causing casualties, instead of curing the disease. The disease is unwanted pregnancy . . . that’s what they should be fighting. They should be doing that, in a respectful, and informational manner. Nope, skip that, jump to the abortions, and yell at absolutely everyone.
I hope that you individuals critizing this man, go through the ordeal he just did. That you find out your wife is carrying a still born, that you have to go to planned parenthood, that you get yelled at, that you get things thrown at you, that you get spit at and called a murdering sinner. See how you like it when you’re in his shoes. You never think about that, you never think “How would I be, emotionally, if I was in the same situation”. You don’t, you don’t ever think, you don’t ever try to sympathize. Just jump to conclusions, pass judgement, never take into account an individuals state of mind.
I bet if you told them you had named your daughter and were so happy to have another kid, they would have felt horrible. Just pound the guilt in, I love redemption like this.
I just wanted to add that your wife is blessed to have you. A man who stands up for his family. The mentality of people who stand there and hold signs anonymously, yelling at people is something I can’t understand. If you’re agains abortion then don’t have one! But allow others to make their own choices. The reasons are none of anyone’s business. Every child, every birth should be wanted. And forcing a woman to carry a baby for 9 months and then give it up is nothing more than being an incubator. That is immoral. It’s immoral to allow every baby conceived to be born into a society that stops caring about it once it’s breathing. No healthcare, no welfare, nothing. Because that’s what these lunatics want. Stop the social programs and planned parenthood. Let’s make everyone have every baby conceived and then let’s not make sure they can thrive in a society that loves them. They are only wanted by society until they are born and then they scream about the costs.
Hi, im a father too. I know you took the best choice, and i know too it wasn’t easy. One of my children was at risk once, and i know how it feels…i hope everithing’s right with you and your wife.
I’m so sorry Aaron. I know there is nothing I can do for you, but I hope you and your wife are able to have a healthy child together. Your defense of her while she was so grieved is admirable.