A young writer gives advice to his Gen Y brethren on how to respectfully please women.
You’re having sex all wrong. In fact, you’re doing it backwards. Sex is a much more complicated experience than most would like to have it. Most have become accustomed to the “wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am” method so often showcased in pornography. And while I don’t want to blame the porn industry for ruining sex… I don’t really have anyone better to put the blame on.
Sex is more than just intercourse. Sure, there is that as well, but you will never, ever have great, mind-blowing sex, if you stick only to the part when at least one of you gets off.
By one of you, I mean the guy because let’s be honest. Sex is a lot less physical and a lot more mental than you think. Most women already know this, but men on the other hand… most men can’t tell the difference between having sex with another person and having sex with their right hands. It all ends with the same finale, right? It doesn’t have to.
Our sex lives have become entirely end-goal oriented. All we want to do is finish. Maybe saying that it’s become this way isn’t exactly accurate. Rather, sex has always been this way. The purpose of sex, historically speaking, has always been reproduction. Over time, we realized that while we enjoyed the pleasure that we experience during sex, we don’t so much enjoy the experience that comes nine months later.
From that point we made it our mission to figure out ways to have sex without reproducing – and we managed brilliantly. Now there are countless ways for you to ensure that you almost certainly will not plant any seeds when you don’t want them planted. Nevertheless, we’re still focused on the point of planting.
Sex is about pleasure – no one is saying otherwise. But why is it that we are rushing to finish? Once you finish… you finish. Don’t we want to experience as much pleasure as possible while we are still in the position to do so? Is it not wiser to put off the grand finale for as long as possible so that you can enjoy the first three acts?
No one is denying that the finale is one of our favorite parts, but you don’t go see a movie or a play just for the ending. You want to know how the characters got to the end. You want to know the story, the action, mystery and excitement. So why is it that when it comes to sex, we want to skip over all of that and get to the part when it’s all over?
There’s really only one reason that I can think of: We’re bored of the story. We know how we got to the end because we’ve gotten to the end the very same way each and every time. This story is the same as every other story we’ve undressed and, to be honest, we’re really just looking to put the book down and get to sleep.
I think it’s time that you admit to yourself how boring your sex life really is. Sure, you may be going out and partying, enjoying yourself, chatting up that sexy individual at the bar, but you already know how things are going to play out before they play out. You are following the very same path that you always follow and because the results are already common knowledge, you experience minimal excitement.
Sex without excitement is like… well, sex without excitement. A flaccid sex life is a boring sex life. If you want to improve your sexual encounters, then the first thing you need to do is to change the story – you need to get to the final chapter via a different route than usual. This all starts with the location you meet your partner.
Don’t meet at your usual spot, I understand that it makes you feel comfortable, but sex isn’t about being comfortable, is it? Surround yourself with novel surroundings because doing so will focus your sense on them. Finding yourself at the same watering hole, trying to pick up the same type of man or woman only creates a story that you’ve already read.
The beginning to the night is crucial and should always be novel. Try out different places. Try out different types of men or women. Try out different ways of introducing yourself and different conversation topics.
Try new things and always do your best to keep things novel. If you want better sex, then you’re going to need to mix things up a bit. It all starts way before you begin having coitus. In fact, the parts leading up to sex are much more important than the sex itself. Ask a woman. If she doesn’t get an adequate amount of foreplay, then she’s not really going to enjoy herself as much as you are.
Sex is 80 percent mental, 20 percent physical. Men seem to have a much more difficult time understanding this than do women, but that’s probably because it’s a lot easier to satisfy a man than it is a woman.
Flirting and foreplay are what really make sex fun – if you skip ahead to the ending then you’ll only find yourself unsatisfied. You have to warm up the car before you take it for a ride, and the better and longer you warm it up, the more the engine is going to purr when you step on the gas.
Play mind games and not just physical ones. Make them want to know you, want to figure you out, want to have you because they feel that you’re worth having. You, to them, are a physical object – so be a physical object that every man and/or woman would desire. Show them why you’re worth the sex.
Show them how great you can make them feel and, in return, they will reciprocate. Sex is a game and while there aren’t (or at least shouldn’t be) winners and losers, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a sense of competition.
Your goal is to outdo, mentally and physically, the other person. If they’re worth keeping around then they’ll give you a run for your money and you’ll both find yourself in orgasmic bliss – and way before either of you actually finish.
Originally appeared at Elite Daily
Photo Elite Daily
About the author: A young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson has been writing for Elite Daily nearly since the start. Currently located in Manhattan, Paul Hudson primarily devotes his time between writing for Elite Daily and the two entrepreneurial endeavors he is currently pursuing: a mining company in Turkey and a video content platform called lilHub. He loves sharing his life experiences with his readers and makes sure to practice what he preaches.
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“If its a one night stand, ok it get a pass both for men and women.” – Mr Supertypo Nope, it seems women are not okay with that. Most women don’t achieve orgasm or many times even pleasure when engaging in one night stands. And that is all because of this twisted mindset – that it’s ok for men to just see them as blow up dolls in these situations. Women still give more (oral sex, handjobs) than receive in return even if it’s just a one night stand. And intercourse is usually something all men expect from sex and… Read more »
“Woman could be dead after sex for all they care”, “human blow up dolls”. WOAH! I don’t know where you got that bitter, but, damn! I have a question: do you thiink you blowing your top off helps anyone? Do you think that girls who are raised to have the smallest expectations possible will ask anything good from a man? Do you think you’re helping women by pandering to every. little. fear. and. insecurity they have about men and how men see them? I was raised on the gospel of “men just want one thing”. I was quite surprised when… Read more »
Frankly its not so difficult to please a woman in bed, it all depends on how much entusiasm and interest you put in her. If its a one night stand, ok it get a pass both for men and women. But anything longer than that…its just sloppy. Beside that no two women (or men) are the same, so you perhaps can find a partner who is easy to please and another time somebody who is very difficoult. I have been with far more women (of all ages..legal age, naturally) than many other men. I dont work anymore as a DJ… Read more »
Every generation of teenagers imagines that they discovered sex, and every generation of middleagers imagines that they discovered how to do it right. This isn’t about “kids today” and their newfangled intarweb porn, or a difference between Generations X/Y/Z. It’s about growing up. Don’t worry, daddio: the whippersnappers will get there, about the same age you did.
Depends on what you want out of your sex life. Don’t assume that people “don’t know how to do it” if they’re doing it in such a way as to get what they want out of it. If there is such a thing as “the right way to do it,” then the right way is simply the best way of getting what you want or need from it. Some people seem to race through sex because they’re out for an orgasm, but others seem to race through because they want the afterglow or the cuddles afterwards. Orgasm isn’t everything, and… Read more »
If it wasn’t so hard to get, I might not be quite so bad at it. But it is, at least with anyone worth having it with, that the few times I’ve been able to have been years apart and frankly there’s never enough time. EG my relationships never last long enough for me to figure my partners out, the women I’ve been with are always too busy looking to upgrade to a new model as soon as they get bored, never lacking for attention or options, and always too happy to complain about my performance after just 1 or… Read more »
Opinion piece by “A young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson” like really dude you’re gonna generalize sex… everyones experience is different and if you arent happy with yours then change it. Its pretty simple. Not as complicated as you are making it. There is still intimacy in sex and if you dont feel it then youre probably fucking a blow up doll.
A big part of this problem is male genital mutilation. It makes his pleasure his sole focus as it’s all he can do to ram it home as quickly as possibly or he’ll lose his sexual tension and be at square one. Stop mutilating our dicks and we’d make better lovers. Ever heard of the latino lovers are best or european men make amazing lovers? Now you know why. they’re statistically unlikely to have been genitally mutilated.
thank you very kind. And yes im intact……..
I think people really are missing the point of the article here. And it’s not a man vs woman issue, either. No sex is to blame. The issue is that people aren’t enjoying fucking each other anymore, they enjoy coming. It has to go back to enjoying the fuck, the actual sex. Instead of pounding away at a girl, or letting a guy frantically rub your clit until you come and the going to sleep or slinking home, the article is advising people to enjoy the entire process. Don’t scan the bar, grab the same guy/girl you always go for,… Read more »
I agree, both parties need to do their part. I don’t think it’s fair to blame men. Most men aren’t aware of how amazing masturbation can be when done correctly. I know there’s a difference between what it was like when I was a child and what it’s like now. Now that I know what I’m doing, I see no reason to involve anybody else unless I really like them and want to share a portion of my life with them. Women definitely have their share of the responsibility here as well. If the woman isn’t making her wishes known,… Read more »
If a woman wants sensuality from men in sex or just a man that knows sex is much more than the pleasure his penis is receiving, she just has to find a South American or Southern European man. Most will surely bring passion, sensuality and joy. I’m from there and know that. 😉
First of all start by letting women know it’s ok to like sex. Baffles me that people still look down on women for admitting this. Then women need to speak up and say what they want but they need to feel comfortable doing that so tell them. Lastly, men please let us know when you are enjoying what we’re doing too and tell us what you want. We aren’t mind readers either
I’d say “this generation” (whoever that may be), knows pretty much everything about having sex, bet precious little about making love.
And that goes for men and women alike.
‘Twas ever thus. Everyone save this article and make copies of it. It’s a classic. In fact, it’s so much a classic that this exact same kind of article comes out every 5-10 years. You’ll find articles from the 1960’s and 70’s saying the exact same thing. Every generations thinks this about younger generations, probably for the past 10,000 years at least. I would not be shocked to discover that this article is a rehash of magazine article from 1975. I’m surprised the article didn’t reference “the recent Watergate scandal.” “Back in the day, people knew how to _____. This… Read more »
Really?? Just bunch all guys in the same group and say al they want to do is finish? I rarely ever finish, completely through choice, I have no interest in finishing. I like things to go on as long as we/she/I choose.. That could be 10 mins, that could be 2 hours. I never roll over and fall asleep, I always get up after a while and go make a tea and bring it back to bed and we chat and things for a while.
I’m just amazed at this attitude that all guys are only interested in pleasing themselves..
We spend far more time preparing for sex than having it – 100:1 if not more. The goal should be to make “preparing for it” much more enjoyable and care free. Take anal bleaching, for instance. They now use lasers and even cryogenics to lighten the skin around the butt hole. All of this seems a very unnecessary part of preparation. If someone is that close to me to notice the color of my butt hole skin, safe to say we’re well beyond preparation.
Guys! Guys! Guys! All this back and forth about how complicated women are and how they “get” the mental part of sex blah blah blah, and I think you’re making things out to be way more complicated than it has to be. I’m over 50, and have had plenty of great sex in my life, and many good, bad and ugly partners, and it all comes down to this, really, at the end of the day: women have orgasms when their clitoris is stimulated (which generally is not through intercourse), and men have orgasms when their penis is stimulated (in… Read more »
As a man who was in a seven year relationship with a woman who never had an orgasm during sexual activity (or even through masturbation), and later in a one year relationship with a woman who often had several orgasms per intercourse, I just want to say that it’s not that easy about the female orgasm.
@elementary_watson: The ease of orgasm does differ from woman to woman, it’s true. I, as a woman, have also discovered that I react very differently to each sexual partners. Very few have I ever naturally and routinely orgasmed with (meaning without extra aid from a vibrating toy). So I learned a long time ago to bring along a vibrator that can be used while being penetrated so that we both can cum and he doesn’t have to go numb in the process of trying to get me there. This strategy has worked out well for me.
For most women, yes, it is mostly all about the clit stimulation. Of course, trying to be a visually desirable partner and caressing can help lots, too.
You clearly had a partner with deeper issues. Unfortunately, it is not that uncommon that women will experiences these types of struggles. Blame female sexuality oppression and shaming, slut-shaming, religion, sexual violence, etc.
Nistan, I think maybe you need to be with different kind of woman. I sure don’t want a conductor or a mind reader, I am an equal partner. Women who are a little order and a little more experienced damn well want lovemaking to be give and take. Don’t be in a hurry and let her know you love it when she tells you what she wants, and everyone will have a good time…
So, this is another article that asks men to do more. OK, sure, whatever. I am down with self-improvement. Question: What are your job, as a woman, in this process? As guys we are supposed to cary the whole courting process into the bedroom. There is little in this whole process that shows what a woman does except just being there fysically. If that’s the case why be angry when he pumps you and falls asleep? If you never assert that you want more then you have no leg to stand on when he assumes that you dig what he… Read more »
“As guys we are supposed to cary the whole courting process into the bedroom.” It seems like the woman’s job is to be physically desirable and hot, while also sensual in a passive way. Most of the times men will initiate and cary the process, that is true, but isn’t it women who put more effort into their looks? Gorgeous healthy hair, dieting, shaving or even waxing the whole body, plucking eyebrows, soft hydrated skin, makeup, sexy lingerie, maybe sensual stripping or little shows… I believe most men like and would prefer a woman like this. Double standards, but men… Read more »
“As guys we are supposed to cary the whole courting process into the bedroom.” It seems like the woman’s job is to be physically desirable and hot, while also sensual in a passive way. Most of the times men will initiate and cary the process, that is true, but isn’t it women who put more effort into their looks? Gorgeous healthy hair, dieting, shaving or even waxing the whole body, plucking eyebrows, soft hydrated skin, makeup, sexy lingerie, maybe sensual stripping or little shows… I believe most men like and would prefer a woman like this. Double standards, but men… Read more »
@Julie: You’re describing a very superficial element pertaining to initial sexual attraction. Are you really suggesting because a woman does her hair and makeup and looks good that that is her main contribution to a sexual liaison? If so, I find that very disappointing and shallow. Sure, men love us dolled up (when we actually do all of that, and let’s not pretend we keep it up consistently once we’re many months or a few years into a committed relationship), but we tend to love that too. It’s for us as well because it helps us feel sexy and in… Read more »
I was talking about the societal expectations, about the courting process. Women put extreme effort into their looks to attract males (sure it can be a pleasure for them as well), then males in turn judge them for their looks look and approach the ones they find the hottest (that can also be a pleasure for men, as most men actually prefer approaching), so the woman in turn judge him mostly for his personality. Women put MUCH more effort into their looks, just like men approach much more. If men want to equalize it, they have to start by being… Read more »
Nistan, I’ll take a stab at your questions. I don’t think it’s men’s responsibility to carry the whole “courting process into the bedroom”. Courting is a dance between a man and woman. Sometimes we take different steps to get there. I don’t agree with you that all I’ve had to do in my relationships was be there physically. Relationships aren’t easy for women either. It still requires the same amount of compromising, consideration, communication and working with your guy just as he is doing with you. I don’t think it’s fair to say that all women have to do is… Read more »
Nah, just another ignorant male. That is a TRUTH that females give more oral sex than receive, and that most men achieve orgasm by intercourse while women don’t… and yes, women are usually much more visually stimulating than most men. Where you got the idea that women only show there I don’t know. Showing there while being as hot/sexy as he wants her to be is WORK (and many times money and pain as well); giving blowjobs is work, and women give much more than men, men don’t reciprocrate enough; intercourse is work too, and many women enjoy staying on… Read more »
All my life (Im 35) I thought I was having good sex and that I knew what good, even great & fantastic sex was.. And then I met a man that could have written the above article, I then realised there was a whole other level to sex that I had never even realised before, it is all such a simple concept but the majority of men really don’t get it at all.. Anyone calling bullshit on this article, just doesn’t get it..
Apparently, many women just don’ get it either until a man (what a surprise) shows them how it can be.
Women who complain about “the majority of men’s” lack of sexual skills often seem to follow a narrative where men are sexual performers while women are critics of said performance. However you may feel about men’s incompetent or apparently merely competent attempts at giving you sexual pleasure, feeling judged and graded for your sex skills isn’t muc fun, either.
@elementary_watson: Agreed. Women are performers too, or, more accurately, both partners have an active role in providing one another (as well as our own selves) with pleasure. And it’s that which I believe so many (apparently) are lacking a deep understanding of, whether male or female. Sex is supposed to be a give and a take, a mutual exploration, not just one side grading the “performance” of the other. What terrible pressure that brings to the equation.
Most men (74%) achieve orgasms EVERY SINGLE TIME when having sex with a female. Many times it is also by oral sex – something women give more than receive as well, by the way. More women give, and the women who give also give more often than the smaller number of men who give back. Now most women DO NOT get an orgasm every single time they have sex. In Fact, less than 30% of women do. (http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/PollVault/story?id=156921&page=3) So you have: women are much more vain than men and groom better, which brings more visual pleasure and stimulation for men… Read more »
This is a terrible article. It seems like you got your advice from watching too many porns. You sound about as deep as a kiddy pool and about as intelligent as a teenage boy trying to give another teenage boy advice. I hope you have another job besides writing and trying to give advice on something you clearly have no grasp on.
Some people prefer it to be an intimate and meaningful experience, regarded as a sharing of each other. Others prefer it to be a purely physical encounter. At the same time, it is not nearly that simple, because it is all about preferences. Nobody can say what is “wrong” or “right” about it, except for the parties involved. The author of the article doesn’t take into account that everybody treats the situation differently, it’s full of bias. You treat it wrong, like it is only a competition. Makes men look bad.
Media (not just porn) and patriarchy (which influences much of our media) are both responsible, but there are other causes as well. Circumcision (which the large majority of gen-y men have been subjected to) alters the mechanics and physiology of intercourse. Removing approximately 75% of the nerve endings in the penis, and nearly all of its specialized, fine touch receptor nerve endings, means that circumcised men typically require more friction to orgasm (which often translates to fast pounding) and have less graduation and feedback in their buildup to orgasm. A survey conducted in Denmark found that women with intact (not… Read more »
That is an important issues. Circumcision is a horrible thing to do to male (or females). We have to talk more about this.
I wonder just how much experience the author has actually having sex with Gen Y men, compared to say, Gen X men. I’ve experienced both and Boomer sex too boot, and what I’d offer up is that all, if not most, young men require an education on how to please a woman, no matter which generation, as is the same for women. But quite frankly, it’s been thanks to the internet, including porn and definitely x-rated sites, that there have been an increase of what is, or can be, included in sexual relations. I’m not talking merely about the fetish… Read more »
When I was a teenager porn showed me how to give better head. My partner had no idea I was doing it wrong herself.
Also I am not really sure I buy this end goal orientated bit. It feels like this generation is more in to experimentation and female fun.
Experimentation maybe. Female fun, not too sure about that. Think men have a lot of expectations about what should be done to a woman’s body in the name of “experimentation”. Not too sure a lot of guys are overly concerned with how a woman is *truly* feeling.
As long as women do not step up and start voicing even more and louder what they want and like, men will just keep being the selfish sexual creatures they have always been since the beginning of times (some societies had some enlightenment from time to time, but that is the minority). Not blaming women here (or men for that matter, maybe that is biological that males can only focus on their own part and even the “rational and civilized” 21st Cetury men will still fall for it), just saying women have to stop right now believing men will become… Read more »
@Julie: Wha?? So much venom, how come? It’s not about women needing to get all loud about it, we just have to communicate our desires as well instead of expecting men to be mind-readers or a bunch of intuitive Don Juans. But to say that men have always been sexually selfish and only really concerned about their own penises isn’t fair or honest. It is not that cut-and-dried out here among people. Some men may be that way, and it’s recommended we cease having sex with them. Complaining about selfish men to other men who do care about providing pleasure… Read more »
Okay, first explain where you see “venom”. Maybe an American prejudice, women being assertive and agressive when talking are, like you guys love to say, “bitchy”, “bossy” and “venomous”? Come on. Yes, women should communicate their desires if they are dealing with already conscious and enlightened lovers; I wasn’t talking about it, though. “But to say that men have always been sexually selfish and only really concerned about their own penises isn’t fair or honest.” Would you kindly show me the researches that show men have always showed such respect for women’s sexual freedom and have been, for a large… Read more »
Start dumping the guys that don’t care and start dating the ones who do care. I know quite a few single men who will take the time to pleasure a woman.
Also don’t fake orgasms, all that does is reinforce bad techniques in your partner. Speak up, if they don’t want to hear it then find someone who will.
It would be nice if more women were more engaging when it comes to sex. Most women basically expect the man to take charge and do all the work while she just lays there and maybe moans a little. Men feel that they are the ones who’s sexual performance is being graded. It’s the reason why so many men sleep around. They feel they have to gain experience first before eventually meeting the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, so that he’ll be able to impress her with his skills. I will admit, if you’re… Read more »
I think you have met the wrong kind of men….sorry for your bad experiences.
And I have the opinion that you should stop thinking and read only what’s exposed. Your reading between the lines is shitty.
This is not a generational problem, dude, this is a “a woman who had only clitoral orgasms was considered frigid until the 60s” and “people still literally believe women don’t have orgasms” and “Sex ed doesn’t talk about female pleasure” problem. Also I can assure you as a woman who had slept with many, many, maaaany women, that this generation’s women fuck just fine. But yeah “this generation” I call bull, because I’ve slept with a lot of people, men older than me, men slightly younger than me (I’m 24, so much younger than me and we’re getting into illegal… Read more »
Madiera,
The author of the article pretty much stated that women have a better grip about sexual intimacy than men. But you seem so enlightened by your experiences with men, especially whichever ones bordered “illegal” territory. Please, tell me more about this patriarchy, that forced you to engage in statutory sex. The same one you claim is responsible for really, nothing more than a lack of normal communications between the sexes.
People like you are sick.
Don’t you know women have no independent thought? Patriarchy mind controls them?
I guess she meant she doesn’t go too younger than her because she is already very young, and then it would be statutory sex?
If the past last residues of Patriachy that we still have in our society was only responsible for a lack of communication that would be easy. But I guess people are getting that she said wrongly.
“People like you are.sick”
And the comments vear off the rails from here. Close thread please.
“…that this generation’s women fuck just fine.” Not necessarily. There’s a few I’ve had that knew very little about how to fuck.
Yes, there’s a few you’ve had that knew very little. There’s a few I used to be with that were kinda ignorant about it all, too. But in GENERAL, like she said, yes, women are just fine. Both with a male body and now with a female body, women have always been much, much more considerate, giving, intimate, connecting. Not to mention bad sex with men, even more while being a woman, usually means something else. Like when they make you feel like a cum-bag, slut-shaming you after or even during the sex (!), try to force you to do… Read more »
Women in general aren’t fine, neither gender is. There are so many women today who think an erection = consent and haven’t got a clue about male pleasure just as there are men who are equally clueless of women. There are heaps of problems with both genders, there are women who starfish, who use sex as a tool or weapon in a relationship for instance where sex becomes a reward and manipulation tactic to get men to perform for them.
Just because men can orgasm easy, doesn’t mean women are great in bed because men orgasm more.
“Also I can assure you as a woman who had slept with many, many, maaaany women, that this generation’s women fuck just fine.”
You are a woman right? Maybe you’re into sex with women more than men, or maybe women know how to have sex with women, (and same with men knowing more about men. But there’s no shortage of women who will lie there and expect a guy to do all the work. Do you tell the guy what you like or expect him to read your mind?
I know a lot of guys that just lie there an expect the woman to do all the work with no reciprocation at all, too.
People of both sexes are lazy. And ultimately this is what the article is trying to tell us. To get off our lazy asses and try to please the other, not ourselves. Because in turn we will be pleased in the end.
“Hard work pays off”
Everyone is fucking lazy these days. It’s pathetic.
I agree with that, we all can be lazy, but when we only try to please ourselves than its not love making, its just a….some kind of social masturbation.
Even straight women will tell you sex with other women is much more pleasurable. And that is because most women actually care about the other person’s pleasure and will try to pleasure teir partners, while most straight men only care about getting their dicks’ sucked and pump for 5 minutes until they cum – and that is when sex end, of course.
I didn’t know straight women were having sex with women? How can you call them straight women when they’re having sex with women?
(I’m 24, so much younger than me and we’re getting into illegal territory)
So you’re a rapist?
Read the original comment again.
Ahh, strange way to word it. She’s saying if she goes too much younger, it’s illegal?
well you can still be younger than 24 and still be in legal age, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23.
A very large part of the problem is with the women who aren’t speaking up and telling the men how they prefer sex. Men should not be expected to do all of the work including mind-reading. Both partners need to discuss what they like and guide each other.
I agree. Our society expects men to know what they are doing when it comes to having sex. I believe it’s part of the reason why so many men play around. They want to become better at having sex, so that when they really do meet a woman they really want to spend the rest of their life with, she’ll be impressed with what he can do in bed. You ask the majority of women if they would rather have a man that’s ‘experienced’ that’s had sex before or a man that’s basically a virgin or who hasn’t had sex… Read more »
Baloney! I would rather be with someone honest and pure than a man who has slept with every tramp available to him.
I’m a woman and I agree with Archy in that open communication can really help things easier for both parties. If you’re with someone worthwhile, they’ll care as much about your pleasure as their own so why not make it a no-brainer and say what you like and encourage them? To Shannon: Baloney is slut-shaming someone for having sexual experience. Baloney is inferring that a person is honest and pure for not having had past sexual experiences. Baloney is assuming that anybody (man or woman) is a tramp/slut/[insert any ignorant insult here] because they’ve had sex. People who have had… Read more »
same here! My hubby was a virgin when we got married and we have an awesome and fulfilling sex life!
Hi Archy
I hope you are well and enjoy life 🙂
It is sad to hear men complain about the hard work they have to when they make love!
This video has some good info
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5I00XXbZbs&sns=em
Ester Perel say women must learn to turn themselves on, and I agree. But making love to a man that see this as hard ( unpleasant ) work to touch a woman and be close to a woman must be a sad experience .
Hello again, Iben. I pretty much share Archy’s opinion on this, and I think you may have mistaken it. The thing is, when you get to the point of actually touching each oher with the intent of mutual pleasure, if she’s not helping you out with pointers, hints, etc, (and she may very often not be) then it’s rather stressful having to guess evety step of the way when a wrong step might turn her off. As an example, I asked a woman whom I was stroking “Does this feel good?” and she responded with a smirk “Aren’t you suposed… Read more »
Because society *still* shames women when it comes to sex (I don’t care how much progress we’ve made since the 60s; slutshaming is still a huge thing, it’s still improper for a woman to admit she likes sex, and so on and so forth). And a lot of that gets internalized, which means that, consciously, you can think, “Yes! I like sex and it’s okay for me to like it!” But there’s a part of you that feels dirty and disgusting for telling a guy would you like, especially in the heat of the moment.
A very large part of the problem is a very large part of men could care less what women want or prefer. Women in general or the women they are sexing right now. They only care about their own penis and pleasure, and that’s all. I don’t know your experiences as a female having sex with men, but almost every single female who’s ever had sex with men other than their boyfriends/husbands, know that MOST men outside of a loving relationship see you as a living blow up doll and will try his best to use you like one. They… Read more »
I am male but I live in Australia which may be different? When I have sex I ask her before doing things and ensure I get consent and try to learn what she likes, encourage her to speak up and there is no slutshaming allowed. It’s really saddened me how many women slut-shame themselves with guilt over activities they partake in, and really annoys me when anyone slut-shames others really. I think society really needs a change-up to ensure everyone has safe, fun, and consenting sex. For me I absolutely LOVE seeing a woman totally at bliss in pleasure, and… Read more »