I’m a Short Guy

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  1. Alyssa Royse says:

    For what it’s worth, my husband, the man of my dreams in every way, is barely 5’4″. When he stand up really straight.

  2. Great article! This is a topic I have never heard discussed but really should be. I especially liked the relation to the issues that women face and the issues of strength, leadership and perception (I am a woman). Keep it up! I think the issues above should be discussed and addressed by both genders.

  3. I’m confused: I thought it was the presence of a penis that was inexcusable.

  4. Joanna Schroeder says:

    Allan, such a great piece. I dated lots of guys between 5’6″-5’8″ and one guy who was 5’3″ or maybe 5’4″ (I’m just over 5’7″) and people were perplexed by the shortest guy especially. I married a super tall guy, the only really tall guy I ever dated, but it wasn’t because of his height.

    I don’t know what the point of me telling you this is, except that I think the more we talk about it, the better. Height was a non-issue for me, but I KNOW you get shit from all sides as a short guy and I”m just sorry it happens. Here with lots of support and you’ve got the main thing women find attractive — humor! I know you enough to say that you are really funny, you’re fun, compassionate and those are all super sexy qualities!!

    Anyway, thanks for writing this and sharing it with us. We gotta keep talking about it! I almost think “Short Guy Dating Chronicles” might be an interesting thing to write about at some point…

    • “Here with lots of support and you’ve got the main thing women find attractive — humor!”

      I don’t think its true. Maybe for you, but not for all women, and not me. Yes all human like to have fun and sense of humor is part of it. But without attraction and connection, sense of humor is nothing. I cant fall in love or feel lust for a guy who is just funny if I don’t find him attractive.

  5. Hi Allan

    You are right. This happens,and it happens in Europe as well.

    Have you tried dating sites for professionals
    like The Guardians Soulmate?
    If you can write a BRILLIANT profile, I will be surprised if nobody responds.

    Take a look the profiles of other men there. If they are as talented as their profiles indicate, some women would not hesitate to push “like” when the man is 5.2″

    I do not mean profiles that brag about degrees and jobs. Simply profiles that demonstrate their talents in writing.

    A 5.4″ man I liked a lot was snatched before my eyes!

    But few Americans are on Soulmates. It is mainly UK.

    I wonder why dating sites ask us to fill out our “wishes” of how tall , what weight,what age we want in our partner. Even Soulmates ask for that when you creates a profile. But you do not have to fill out all their questions.

    And I have read that the thing most men lie about on dating site profile is their height.
    It is sad.

  6. Just the other day, someone said to me “you’re like the most comfortable person with his height I’ve ever met.” I took that as a big compliment. I’m 5’6″ and at 32, I’m completely comfortable in my skin. Does it suck sometimes? Yes, of course. Have I had some of the experiences described above? Sure. But other than when I wear my Timberlands, which make me a little taller, I don’t have any control of the matter, so it’s time to just make the best of what’s around. And many times, it’s self-depricating jokes that make me laugh at myself and let others know it’s ok to joke around with me (just before my friend made the statement, I had been remarking about how awesome it was that the bathroom at the bar had the child urinals, so I wouldn’t have to stand on my tip toes at the normal ones). I’ve also taken time to notice my posture – let me tell you, once you make a concerted effort to stand up tall AND you add a little confidence to boot, you won’t feel 5’6″ anymore.

  7. I’m 5’9″ female. Have dated men much shorter than myself. Many women miss out by insisting that the men they date/love/marry are tall or taller than they are. Open your minds, ladies!Allan Mott is a gem & he’s single. : )

  8. The Wet One says:

    Shuddap short guy! No one cares! NO ONE!!!

    (I kid, I kid!!!!)

    Peace bro!


  9. Excellent piece, Allan – poignant and funny. I’m 5’7″, so not as height-disadvantaged as you, but still short enough that I can related to practically everything you described. (You left out the humiliation that can be clothes shopping.) My “growth spurt” didn’t happen until about my sophomore or junior year of high school, and seemed over practically before it began, so through all of elementary school and much of high school, I was frequently the smallest kid in class. Smallest kid, not smallest boy. I had a baby face to boot, so I always looked a few years younger than my actual age, which was awful as an adolescent. As a middle-aged adult, it’s no longer a big pain to look a few years younger than I am, but when I wanted to date in my age range as a young man, that youthful look did nothing to offset my shortness. (I haven’t bought alcohol in a few years, but I’ve been carded after 40 more than once.)

    The effect I’m accustomed to all my life when it comes to attraction is that my height, combined with all-around young, non-beefy appearance, has been to be perceived as asexual. This can be an advantage in some non-dating ways, like when women talk about feeling automatically intimidated or threatened by a man just because he’s a man, they hardly ever mean me. Women don’t shrink into the opposite corner if I enter an elevator, or cross the street to get away from me. So I have that going for me, which is nice. On the other hand, about the best first impression I ever hoped to make as a dating prospect was “cute boy”, not “handsome stud”. More Michael J. Fox than George Clooney. I didn’t end up completely shut out of dating and relationships because of my height, but in a lot of cases, it definitely seemed like “You must be this tall to ride outside the Friend Zone”, and I didn’t measure up.

  10. Nicely written. I agree. I’m 5’6 and I do my very best not to make hasty generalizations about women. But damn is it hard sometimes. A lot of women can insist on that a man has to be 4 inches taller when she’s wearing stilts or heels but may God save your soul if you find obesity a turn-off.

    You have done well. The more this is spoken about the better.

  11. wellokaythen says:

    All too true and all too common.

    A few things:

    Don’t shout “hey, pretty lady!” to women, no matter what your height. They are even more annoyed by it when you’re tall.

    This may not make you feel better in the 21st century, but tall is historically relative. The average height of the Roman legionary soldier at the peak of the Roman Empire was 5’1”. Napoleon was probably average height for someone from Corsica and slightly less than average height for a man in France of that time period. He seemed short because he surrounded himself with huge grenadier bodyguards and because he’s shown as a dwarf in all the anti-Napoleon British propaganda of the time period.

    Oh wait, telling you that Napoleon wasn’t all that short doesn’t really help matters. I gotta think about this some more and I’ll get back to you.

    • “Napoleon was probably average height for someone from Corsica and slightly less than average height for a man in France of that time period. He seemed short because he surrounded himself with huge grenadier bodyguards and because he’s shown as a dwarf in all the anti-Napoleon British propaganda of the time period.”

      He was like 5’6 or 5’7″, sure he wasn’t 6′, but I’m not sure that’s really short for 1800s.

  12. As a tall woman (5’9″) the problem I have dating shorter men is not with them but with me. Basically, when I’m with a man who is physically smaller than me, I feel HUGE and it’s a terrible, unsexy feeling. I wish I could get over it, but I can’t seem to figure out how. I expect many women have this hang up due to social conditioning that tells us that only small, petite women are feminine and sexy. I know that may not be comforting to shorter men whose attentions I have rejected over the years, but it really isn’t about them.

    • Joanna Schroeder says:

      I had this ex who thought me being taller than him was THE sexiest thing ever. He thought it made him look powerful.

      I never felt unsexy, but part of that was his pure obsession with my height. He would try to get me into 4 inch heels all the time so I would look even taller. It was almost a fetish. But I think the idea that a short guy being with a tall girl means he is powerful is really, really interesting.

      Would love to see someone break that down.

  13. This is all shitty and true and it sucks, however my aunt is REALLY into short guys (to the point where it’s a little creepy) so they are out there.

    • That comment didn’t come off as well as I assume you intended it.
      It sounds kind of like telling obese people that there are fat-fetishist and feeders out there for them.

      • There are people who find certain kinds of people more attractive, for different reasons. It’s rarely sexual-only, even when it turns out to be a fetish. A man with a fetish for big boobs or for women’s feet usually still likes the woman attached to them and considers them human. Same deal really.

        It’s just bad self-esteem and bad press from the loved one (thinking you’re so undesirable, anyone who desires you is in love with filth), with a societal shame for the lover one (considered weird to 11), who might in turn react by wanting to ‘hide the relationship’, go for ONS instead of relationship and other such reactions, to preserve appearances to his peers.

        Some men really do prefer trans women who didn’t, and likely won’t, get surgery. It’s not about liking you for your problem, it’s not about liking you despite your problem, it’s a simple preference, like hair color.

        Some women think men all want skinny girls, but that’s not the standard in predominantly-black communities. Plump and curvy is the standard there. So keep in mind that even as an outlier, some people like you for you.

  14. Nothing much you can do about your height but I know many short rich men who have trphy wives and mistresses.Women will overlook your height and looks if you have enough money.That is the harsh reality of life.So go get that money.

  15. I am asian and my height is barely 5 foot. Even in Asia it is considered short. But guess what?A lot of Asian girls are shorter than me! I did stay in US for 18 years and my experience is worse than you. Imagine working at schools, and most of the elementary schools are taller than you…

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