Originally appeared at She Said He Said
Dear Sexes: How manicured do I need to keep my private area? I like when the girls I hook up with are trim down there, but I’m a man so it’s alright for me to have a little bit of jungle, right?
She Said: I’m gonna tell it to you straight: girls don’t want to see your Bro-Bush any more than you want to see a Vajungle. You gotta keep your business tight down there, and for all the same reasons we do! First and foremost, hair retains odors. Second, no one wants a long-curly stuck in the mouth. Third, I don’t want to look at you and be reminded of the 1970’s porn I once accidentally saw and have tried bleaching from my memory to no avail.
I’ll be very specific. Take your little trimmer (go to a beauty supply store and ask for The Peanut) and take the hair down to a length where it’s long enough to be soft (no stubble, please!), but not so long as to curl up and actually touch the shaft of your penis. No longer than two centimeters.
He Said: Embrace your sexuality! Don’t be afraid of a little manicure every now and then. Plus, it makes you a good host. You wouldn’t throw a party with a messy house would you? Seriously though, my friend and I discussed this very subject once, and we came up with the perfect manicuring project for maximizing “that area” (sure to wow any visitors to your pants).
All you have to do is follow these simple instructions: Step 1. – Shave the pubes. This gives the appearance of a lengthier shaft. Thumbs up! Step 2. – Take your favorite food (coloring) and paint horizontal stripes along your shaft, from base to tip. As we all know, horizontal stripes give the illusion of a much more girth (and you now have a giant candy cane in your pants – everyone loves candy!). Just kidding!
Honestly though, I’ve never had the balls to try the manicure makeover, but I swear that’s just because I’ve never budgeted for a second hair trimmer. And yes, if you’re trimming down there, you should have a trimmer that you don’t use on your face.
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Photo courtesy of AngryJulieMonday