What do we make of yet another confession?
It seems funny a guy named Weiner tried to DM an image of his erection to a young woman and mistakenly put it on his public tweet stream. He panicked, pulled it down and claimed to have been hacked when a conservative blogger got wind of the image of the popular Democratic Congressman.
But it’s not funny. It’s just another in the long line of men behaving badly, squeezed between the news of John Edwards’ indictment and Arnold’s love child. It’s sad. Really Sad. Listening to Weiner, my stomach turned as it’s another red flag of what’s wrong with manhood in America—a continuation of the epidemic of role models behaving horribly and our collective addiction to the story. Wasn’t watching Charlie Sheen enough? Do we need more proof that things are dramatically off track in this country when it comes to any discussion of manhood?
Feel free to tune into the Daily Show and all the rest for more fun and games. But for me, this is all connected to the massive explosion of pornography, the persistent inability of men to actually come clean with the truth of what is going on in their lives, and our fascination with the fantasy of perfect women’s bodies and perfectly powerful men. We’re all humanly imperfect, though, aren’t we? How about we start focussing on real women and men who have fallen and gotten back up?
I watched this press conference—just another man crawling around on his knees after the house of cards came crumbling down—and only hoped that they could all get better, that they do what they can to make amends with those they’ve hurt, and that we all come to terms with what is important in this country when it comes to being a man.
There seem to be a few different threads twisting together here in this comment page: 1) should we judge our politicians for what they do in their now-not-so-private lives? –and– 2) is sexting really cheating? There is a beautifully simple question that sexual compulsives in treatment/ recovery are trained to ask themselves whenever they are unsure of proceeding with a sexual behavior: If my partner/ wife were right here, next to me, would I engage in —–? If the answer is anything but YES, there are obviously going to be problems, because first and foremost, the behavior will involve deception.… Read more »
Thank you for bringing up the issue of the state of masculinity. Most women are in such despair around the issue that they just accept less and less and less from men. And, by extension, less and less from the world. Most women do not express their despair in such straightforward terms, just issued in disgusted sighs when news like this hits. As the feminine has less of a voice in shaping our world, we become more of what the masculine is capable of without the counterbalance of the feminine. By feminine I mean the archetypical feminine, not just females.… Read more »
Men on pedestals? That’s a new one.
I think you’ll find that today’s astrological chart shows the Divine Goddess archetype sprouting some unfortunate nose hairs. You may need to reconsider your Gaia analysis.
Excellent! And, although I frequently argue against sex-negativity here, and also against women “supervising” men’s coming into mature manhood (which sometimes occurs here), I agree with your position, especially concerning the feminine not being rooted in one sex or gender. I think, Terre, that what you’re seeing is the dark hour just before dawn, though. As a Jungian, and astrologer, I support the holistic vision you have. I think holism is “feminine” and probably “feminist.” All my major luminaries are in feminine signs. The issue of poly-by-nature I cited above with Erin is probably partly due to my Moon Scorpio… Read more »
House VIII, not VII.
What I find facinating is why Weiner, 40+ something needed to find validation of himself through facebook and twitter. The common theme in any of these broken men is that they are seeking personal validation through money, sex, women and power. These are broken men. Very broken men that worked hard to hide the aspect of their inner brokeness with their career success. Perhaps a tencious desire for poltiical or social power correlates to a a tencious desire for validation in all forms, sex and women included. Regardless, This isn’t a simple matter of “oh he just shouldn’t have been… Read more »
Some European studies have found that the tendency toward monogamy or non-monogamy in men is likely genetic.
No doubt Henry. Same is true for women.
Some people have better metabolisms then others. All I have to do is look at a cupcake and I gain a pound lol. That doesn’t mean I don’t work at it even though it’s genetically harder for me to burn those calories. Especially if I made that commitment to begin with.
Well, I appreciate your point of view, as usual, Erin. (Except for your backing RC on the gay therapist thread – she doesn’t know me, and was not qualified to discuss my deep motivations.) I agree that people range, and also that they shouldn’t go back on their vows. Personally, I’m reluctantly monogamous right now. I suspect that I’m poly by nature, and that’s been difficult. I was in an open marriage in marriage #1, and learned then that I’m okay with my partner being with someone else, but I don’t like knowing the details. I guess I’m old enough… Read more »
Henry, I don’t quite remember the thread or what i said. There is actually another poster here that posts under “Erin”. While obviously understandably confusing, it could have been me or her that commented. I just don’t remember to be honest. I am not too familiar with the details of the women invovled and who broke the story. I just dislike comments about how monogomy is or isn’t natural and “genetic predispositions”. I just think that line of thinking leans toward justification. It’s one thing to set the ground rules within your own relatoinship where you decided to have an… Read more »
Best line on this subject? Maureen Dowd’s Orwell quote in her piece in the 6/8/11 NYT:
“Any life when viewed from the inside is simply a series of defeats.”
Mr. Kaufman.
New Yorkers voted for him once. I don’t expect this will change their opinion. He’s a lying demagogue. That is not a change.
He is, according to reports, a nasty bastard to work for. He pulled a dirty trick to get elected in the first place–anonymously accusing his opponents of being on the side of Dinkins and Jackson after the Crown Heights riot.
He should go somplace and be his potty little self without being in position to run our lives for us.
I am so disappointed. I’ve watched Weiner waiting patiently in the wings…for the chance to run for mayor of New York City, an office he’s coveted and seemed ideally suited to hold. The next mayoral election is not till 2013, but I doubt that voters will have forgotten this congressman’s indiscretions (particularly his lying attempt to cover up his deeds). I think that, over time, he convinced a lot of voters that he was The Man for the future…a brilliant and extraordinarily able politician who, though lacking Mike Bloomberg’s wealth, was in line to do wonders for this city. Now,… Read more »
Guy’s a moron. He had positions of power over us and he’s setting himself up for blackmail. He cheated on his wife, at least emotionally, which he promised never to do. Or, come to think of it, who married them? His judgment is terrible and his insistence on lying like an effing rug makes him a risk in public policy issues. Country’s in the best of hands. Hypocrites break moral codes they promote to others. Those who think there’s no hypocrisy here are saying that Weiner is amoral. Well, we knew that. He’s also an embarrassment to the country, if… Read more »
It’s 2011. Anyone who creates digital content about themselves that they would not be willing to see on the Jumbotron at Fenwaty Park is an idiot. Anyone who does that and holds public office or is in anyway a public figure, is too stupid to hold office. It is a sorry fact of life that men identify their masculine identity on a mystical belief that as Alpha males they are invulnerable. They dare Fate all the time. When they get caught, they find out they are vulnerable, and they collapse. Why not keep your fly zipped and jump out of… Read more »
As a conservative activist and advocate, Weiner’s fall from grace should bring a smile. Why? Because he was one of the best debaters Democrats had. I liken him to a left-wing Hannity, and have watched him deftly and aggressively defend the policies of the left, and hold his own with the best conservative voices. But I’m not one for schadenfreude. This is just sad. And it is not the so much the tweet, although that seems like idiocy. It’s the lying, the bold face, implicate anyone, integrity-be-damned perfidy, that has turned this ideological pit bull in to a, well, a… Read more »
Weiner was never a good debator. He was good at being beligerent and puffing out a lot of hot air in an overly dramantic, ticking time bomb kind of way; but he wasn’t all that intelligent of a debator even politically.
I wouldn’t be so chipper about Weiner’s weiner incident.
I mean, a Republican family values Congressman gets outed as some sort of cheater or sexual deviant practically every other week.
My money is on Boehner. He tans and manicures… he is trying to impress someone other than wifey that is for sure.
I thought I made it clear that I was not chipper. I stand behind my assertion that Weiner was a good point man for the Dems. Papa Bear O Reilly said the same thing in his Talking Points today, and that’s good enough for me. But hey, can’t I get in on the double-entendre-fest? Thing is, everything has mixed meanings with this story. Like above, where I inadvertently wrote, “hold his own.” Both parties have sex scandals. I don’t align myself politically based on which has the least sexual creeps, like Weiner. I’m voting for Bob Beckel to fill Weiner-dog’s… Read more »
I had hoped he would keep his private life private and get back to work ASAP & remind the world that not only abortion rights but BIRTH CONTROL IS NOW ENDANGERED BY THE REPUBLICAN PARTY WANTING TO FORCE THE CATHOLIC CHURCH LINE ON ALL OF US BY LAW. These personhood amendments and some of the laws the current Congress keeps pushing are a total menace to any kind of pregnancy planning and prevention. Republicans don’t resign and their sex scandals are rarely consensual. Quite frankly, I want Pelosi investigated since she is threatening to investigate Weiner. She has taken her… Read more »
AFAICT, Weiner’s indiscretions carry no public policy implications, so it’s not clear why anyone (other than his wife) should give a damn.
OTOH, the fact that a Supreme Court justice’s wife made hundreds of thousands of dollars from an entity lobbying against legislation that justice will rule on strikes me as a matter of some real public significance.
Are we really better off being preoccupied with the first issue, and ignoring the second?
For me this isn’t a moral issue. It’s more a question of the judgement this man has displayed – not very good, apparently. So then, do we want someone with the maturity level of a teenager to be running this country?
To me, it sounds like he should not have gotten married. If he’d been single, I might have brushed off his behaviour. But he was essentially messing around on his wife. Shows bad judgement.
I don’t envy the fellow. It’s so hard to face up to mistakes even when they’re made privately.
What is really sad is the semi criminalization of these fairly innocuous acts among adults, with the assumption that it’s all willing adults flirting and playing with each other. Just as I would never trust any person who claimed they never inhaled the planty smoke, I would not trust a person who disavowed fun sexual stupidities.
I think it may be time we had a “cock walk”
….just because you text your cock does not mean you’re trying to hurt someone or that your morals are found wanting.
I bet his wife’s feelings were pretty badly hurt, and that Weiner knew that would be the case. I could be wrong; maybe she thinks this whole thing is hilarious and has people sending her hot shots too. But if that were the case, why did Weiner cry?
I’m sure she is hurt. But her hurt and his apology should not be for public consumption. That he is a public figure is not important enough, in this case, for us to obsess over a tweeted dick. The level of voyeurism, political nastiness, and hyper sexual vigilance – these are the things that need discussion and our attention. This should not be, yet another, Jersey Shore episode.
I need to begin by saying I’ve never sent a “cock shot” to anyone. One of the tragic things about on-line sex is that it’s not the real thing. I do think that there’s a danger in not seeing situations like this one as primarily humorous. And I’m enough of a Jungian to believe that attempting to be “good” is likely to produce its opposite. So I’m not impressed by piety. I really do believe that what it is to be a man needs to be defined outside of a feminist context. I’ve nothing against feminism– but men need to… Read more »
On the spectrum of “Bad Things that Politicians Do” this is fairly mild. Emotional Infidelity (with visual aids) towards his wife: Bad in the context of his marriage, no doubt. But really, why are politicians more likely to be asked to resign over sex scandals (of any stripe)? Unless part of their platform is conservative in relation to sex and marriage, there’s no hypocrisy that reflects on their policies. You may think it reflects badly on their character, but I’d suggest that that says more about our twisty judgy views on other peoples’ sex lives than they themselves. Of course,… Read more »
Notwithstanding the emotional infidelity and everyone’s individual views on whether that qualifies someone from elected office, there is also the issue about lying to the public about it for nearly a week and not only were they lies, but really the poorest lies that ever came out of someone’s mouth 😉 Do you really want someone who can’t bluff his way out of a small hole representing you?
Fair point. Us Irish folks prefer systematic and competent liars to represent us 😛
Yes. Compared to what else is likely to be elected. I am disturbed at his lack of thought. BUT he was too good on some issues to let him go. The whole batch of Dems should have been busy protecting our right to birth control that is LITERALLY under assault from the current crop of Republicans to have time to make stupid mistakes. And where in the H are their publicists and assistants!?
“But for me, this is all connected to the massive explosion of pornography, the persistent inability of men to actually come clean with the truth of what is going on in their lives, and our fascination with the fantasy of perfect women’s bodies and perfectly powerful men. We’re all humanly imperfect, though, aren’t we? How about we start focussing on real women and men who have fallen and gotten back up?” But if you’ve seen the women in connection with say, Schwarzenegger or Tiger Woods, or many others, they are far from embodying the “perfect woman.” In fact, they are… Read more »
It’s discouraging, isn’t it, Tom? As hard as some men seem to be trying to shift the conversation to what is good about manhood and masculinity; others seem to be working as hard to reinforce the old stereotypes and derail the conversation about “being good” – whatever that means. And still….thanks for continuing to sound the call to a new convesation.
I think you describe the eternal struggle of group identity. Every group with earnest intentions gets red-faced over the actions of its worst members.
Thanks Roger, I will continue to beat the drum for something other than front page news on men behaving badly. But I have been keeping track and even the likes of the NYT is pretty much become no more than People magazine on this score.
So, now this one has fallen and is trying to get back up. Do we kick him while he’s down, offer him a hand up, or shrug because it’s not our mess?
You’d think that after so many fails, men would figure out that it’s not sexx-aay to put your li’l guy in the mail (or DM).
Did Brett Favre ever ask for forgiveness? (At least Weiner technically kept it in his pants…)
I just can’t believe how guy after guy is just so ….well dumb! Rule number one…never ever send any pictures of body parts thru technology. OH, and if you are a man of intergrity and high morals you don’t have to worry about rule number one. Just so tiring how these high profile self absorbed men are making it more difficult for the good men to get through.
Guess that is why we need you Tom!
Oh, honey, I hope you aren’t marking all men who send pics off of their lil guys to random women as necessarily ‘bad’ guys. If so… there would be like you and only a half dozen small-peened guys left in the ‘good’ category.
This trend of sending racy pics is so prevalent among men… I’ve received so many unsolicited c*ck shots and d*ck pics that I could start a gay porn website.
Average Joes are enamored with their trouser snakes at an astonishing level.
I did not watch the press conference nor do I feel compelled to. I remembered when the story broke and thinking ‘here goes another one’. And he delivered as most guys who get caught do – lies, diversion, mock repent, until their handlers can spin it away. I also wondered how many other ticking time bombs are out there – guys who continue to do stupid shit without concern or care for others and only deal with the wrongness of what they did when no amount of spin will save their ass. How do I know ? I’ve done it.… Read more »