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RSVP for Love Sex Etc. Calls
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Just because a relationship is over doesn’t mean we stop loving that person. Mark Radcliffe explores the beauty and the pain of loss
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Believe me, I don’t want to be.
It would be a lot easier if I wasn’t.
You’ve got another life now. I’m long out of it.
But:
Your voice. Ugh. It slays me. I still have five of your messages in my Voicemail. Yes, five. Some guys like a nice glass of Scotch to relax. I just listen to one of your messages. It’s just as smooth and warm, and just as intoxicating.
Your eyes, like a sea of honesty. They seem to see miles into the distance. Through the bullshit in front of you. Through the bullshit in me. Through the miasma of the ordinary and into the beautiful possibility of what can be. The what can be that I was once a part of.
Your mouth. So infinitely kissable. I can’t shake it from my memory, so help me.
The way you bit your mouth when you were being coy. Oh. My. God.
Your beautiful mind. So full of insight and wisdom. Dropping truth bombs wherever they may land.
Your ass. Sorry, but it was fantastic. (Still is, I’m sure.)
The way you love your kids. Yes, you already had them, which scared me a bit, but I was prepared to find that in the girl of my dreams. And you were so natural, joyful and graceful with them. I knew how easy it would be to trust you as a mom.
Your honesty. Fearless. Unending. Willing to walk away if unwelcome.
You came out of nowhere. Where were you countless years before we met? How could you just show up one day after being invisible for so long? In a random email I almost ignored?
Your priorities. You are not distracted by day-to-day bullshit. Or rather, you are simply able to see through it. You have a periscope, through which I would love to gaze.
The way you’d give me shit. There was no sugarcoating with you. If I needed to be called out on something, you wouldn’t hesitate for a millisecond. But you could do it with a laugh.
Your vulnerability. You were so unabashed, so devoted and unafraid of so many things, but yet there’s a shyness in you. An opened and exposed beauty. A willingness to be seen for all you truly are.
The way you never wore makeup. And with a glowing smile like that, you never needed it.
The way you could wear a pair of jeans. So haphazard and sexy at the same time.
Your spontaneity. Instant. Alive. Awake. So in love with the possibilities of what could be. What we could have created together if the stars had been aligned.
The way you’d swear. Constant. Dependable. Honest.
How consumed I was with you. I couldn’t wait for another bit of contact. A call. An email. A text. A kiss. The time between was interminably long. Minutes became years. I never get addicted easily. I’m an island of independence. But I wanted to leave it for you.
Meet me in another universe, one far different from this one. I’ll gladly show you what 530 words failed to convey.
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Other articles by Mark Radcliffe:
16 Things Your Boyfriend Should be Telling You
image credit: Flickr/Jaromír Chalabala
I wasn’t surprised that it didn’t work out, and I think it for the best. All, well, most of the points point towards a beautiful woman, but, as per the description, wanting in heart openness, kindness, radiance, joy, compassion, intimacy, and peace. Seems to me Mr. Radcliffe is that sort of a man who is bound to evolve, and eventually those elements will become more important to him than the above mentioned 17. This list, however, remains highly encouraging in its clarity and vulnerability.
You have just echoed my thoughts
Thank you
I don’t know who you are. I don’t even know how I found your work, but you are amazing.
I feel sorry for the girl who got away.
I think I am in love.
Sad really. Stuck and unable move on. Counseling needed for how to let go and move forward in life again…
It’s articles like this that make me think “fuck love” and “but I want it” at the same time! I hope someone remembers me like this, the ones who fucked things up. Is it so bad to wish to be “the one that got away” when it was them, not me, who fucked things up?
Mark Radcliffe. I love the purity of your thoughts, sincerity of your expression, and your intriguing style. You have a fan in me 🙂
Aw man….
i can empathise with every word… so how come you let her get away? If shes had that profound an effect in you, go get her back!
The title drew me in but the writing repelled me. Some kernel within the pandering faux-romantic crap you wrote was true but the rest made me I’ll. if others feel this way and find solace in this communal feeling I’m quite glad. Otherwise, and perhaps even still, try writing more genuinely and none of this shite geared towards the tabloid-living crowd that I hope aren’t the primary patrons of this blog.
Sincerely,
Russel Taine
I wish the world had more men like Mark in it. If we did, there wouldn’t be so much divorce and pain in the world. He truly appreciates the little things that make a relationship real. Bravo, Mark. You are a man to be admired.
This really spoke to me and is how I feel about my ex-fiance. Miss him and love him <3
Dear Mr. Radcliffe:
Having just re-read your article, want to again say how much I like it. I’ve loved and been loved by one man, a King among men. This article brings back only good memories of that sweet time.
Yours truly,
Jennifer G.
Gracious.
Awww, touching and so beautiful that you can still appreciate the woman who held a special place in your life and heart. So many chose to turn their exes into monsters. Thank you for keeping it real.
Bravo man…
I had to stop reading it. I can’t stand to hear a man pine after a woman from a failed relationship. It’s sad and I know the ladies–except your ex, trust me–like to read this sort of thing, but does you little good. If she wanted you back, she would be in your arms right now. Let her go and stop romanticizing her. She was never as perfect as you created her in your memories.
So right !!!!!
This is a dope ass article! Love! Honest.
I don’t know what to say 🙂 … on a more serious note, I seriously think it’s the worst feeling in the world being in love with someone from a destroyed relationship you’ll never be apart of again.
<> Yes, it is. I’ve been broken up with my ex for over 9 months. We were together for 3 years – my longest relationship. I miss him every day, and cry often. The pain is excruciating. He has since moved on, is engaged to another woman he hasn’t been with for long, and it just kills me. Our relationship was troubled, but I still miss the good times, the love we had, the memories. It’s sent me into a horrible depression, the worst I’ve had in over 10 years. I don’t know if I’ll ever understand why this all… Read more »
I understand how you feel 🙁 I was in one for years and he moved and found a new girl because he didn’t like the area I lived in.
Wow, that is probably one of the most beautiful articles I have ever read!
Don’t sweat the small stuff,and its all small stuff. It’s a partnership. It’s not all about you or me. If you are not compatible then sort it out or move on, it doesn’t need to be viscous but we are not performing for a potential movie, it is not a dress rehearsal for something better, it’s where we are in our lives.
Funny how those of us who need to be seen this way the most end up always being taken for granted.. reading this makes it even worse, because now i know that sort of thing exists, just not for me.
Been in a lot of relationships…missed a few women. But if she’s told you good bye, you’re a bit dillusional. Get a a grip, or some counseling… You’re just thinking about all the good stuff. Think about what made her say, “bye” and have a Merry Christmas. Stop torturing yourself!
I never knew a man could feel this way either!
Wow, it kills me, Mark; I know what you mean. Every point of it.
See, I left my island, but too late, she had flowed in a different direction.
I shared it on Facebook. I cried.
Oh, we can. And we do. Every one of us has that girl indelibly imprinted in our heart.