Sometimes, my beard says things about me that just aren’t helpful.
We’ve done the stuff the experts tell you to do. We’ve gone hiking. We’ve taken long walks on the beach. We’ve even tried a tango class. But I’m still not getting the sense that my beard and I are meant for each other.
My friends say we don’t seem like we’re getting along all that well. They ask me if my beard and I are, you know, grooming much any more. I wonder. Is my beard impacting my social options? Should I have “the talk” with my beard? I mean, its not like its all that easy to find a new beard, if you dump the one you have. Really, I’m a little at a loss. Beard? Little Buddy? Talk to me? What’s the matter? Why so scruffy?
Its at moments like this, when a relationship seems to be losing its charm, that you have to do something crazy. You have to take some risks. And that’s when I got invited to grow my beard for the Stanley Cup Playoffs. It’s all the rage with the high-sticking crowd, and I figure, why not me and my beard, too? Its something unexpected. Something out of the ordinary. Something, dare I say it? Zany. I thought I’d surprise my beard.
So, starting today, I’m going to let my beard grow. And believe you me, I know what’s coming. I know what people may think. The fact is, when you grow out your beard, the questions start coming. Hard, hard questions…
“Have you stopped washing your face?”
“What happened to your lip?”
And my personal favorite, “Oh my god, you went through puberty!”
But all that hurtful beard dialoguing aside, I think I’m ready. I think I have what it takes. And I’ll tell you why. Because, now, for the first time, I have a special beard friend. Someone who cares about me and my beard. Someone who’s going to make all the difference.
Who might this special friend be, you ask? How kind of you to inquire. It’s Norelco. That’s right.
They got in touch and said, we’ll sponsor you to grow a beard if you’ll use our gear to tame the thing and write about it. Now, I have to say, the last time I used an electric razor, Ronald Reagan was in office. And as I recall, that particular electric razor didn’t so much cut my beard as yanked the hairs out one by one like a mean Disney stepmother. And so, its been a while, right? But I said, what the hey, okay. I’ll give it a shot.
Why did I say yes? Am I a money grubbing prostitute with no ethical boundaries whatsoever? Well, yes I am. But I have another reason for doing this. I’ve been shaving for YEARS with a multi blade razor. And I’m not exactly crazy about that whole experience. They just keep adding more blades but the process isn’t improving. Frankly, I’d like a better solution than dragging a razor sharp mini blind down the side of my head at 7 AM. So, I’m going to give Norelco’s gear a try. It’s been thirty years. We’ve invented the internet since then. Who KNOWS what they’ve figured out about electric shavers and trimmers?
So for the next six weeks, I invite you to join me on this beard journey. This grooming lark. And let’s see if I can maybe, just maybe, find a better way to manage my damn follicles.
Oh, and take a look at our NYC Man on the Street beard interview.
This post was sponsored by Norelco. All opinions are solely that of Mark Greene and his beard.