Some Thoughts About Men’s Underwear

There’s something Jim Mitchem doesn’t understand about men’s underwear. 

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For about ten years I’ve worn the kind of underwear that holds the package neatly in place and extends to about mid-thigh. Not unlike the ones worn here by Beckham. They’re not too tight. Not too loose. They work for me. And like all men’s underwear, they have two vertical folds of overlapping fabric in the front. I call this the penis window. Whether it’s boxers or briefs — there’s always this window. The concept is that we men unzip our pants, reach in, fish around through the penis window, grab it, do our business, and reverse the process. I don’t know about other guys, but over the years I’ve perfected a thumb-hook technique where I unbutton/zip and then hook my thumb over the fabric and pull the fabric down — just below. It’s a clean and efficient model that doesn’t require a lot of penis handling. I’m sure most guys employ this method, though I did see a dude at a urinal the other day with his pants around his ankles like he was five. So you never know.

Anyway, I don’t use this window. Never have. In fact, I don’t know any man who does. A couple years back I asked Twitter if anyone used the penis window and the answer was overwhelmingly “No.” This, of course, renders the whole concept of the pretty much useless. And it’s always too small, if I might add.

But this story isn’t just about the penis window, or for that matter whether or not the window represents antiquated design, it’s about comfort. Good underwear should be comfortable enough for a man to go about his day with complete confidence that everything’s always in its place. Mine are. I like my underwear. They’re so comfortable. In fact, it wasn’t until late in the day today that I realized I was wearing mine backward. All day. Why didn’t I realize it earlier? Because I don’t use the window. If I did, I’d have known it straight away after a couple coffees.

Anyway, comfortable underwear is important to men. That’s it. That’s the post. Have a nice day

UPDATE: Yesterday was my birthday. I received some new underwear. Jockey. They’re very comfortable, and it appears that Jockey has solved the window design issue. The window on my new underwear is horizontal. Which works perfectly for the thumb method I describe above. No need to pull from the waistband anymore. And still no unnecessary penis handling. Bravo, Jockey. Bravo.

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This article originally appeared on Obsessed With Conformity.

Photo credit: FaceMePLS/flickr