The privilege of white heterosexuals is something of a bubble, and Kara Post-Kennedy is about to burst.
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“Your whiteness is toxic”
This was a comment directed at me on Facebook recently. For the record, I really try NOT to engage in FB political fights, especially with people I don’t know, but, in this case, I had made what I thought was a fairly innocuous (although definitely privileged) comment: that voting is an important form of civic engagement.
A LOT of people jumped in to disagree with me, and many of them made good solid points (albeit with tremendous hostility).
But “your whiteness is toxic” was my biggest takeaway from the discussion.
I am white. I was raised Catholic by heterosexual, married Republicans. I grew up in white neighborhoods and until college attended almost exclusively white schools.
My parents were not racist; nor later, when homosexuality became part of the political discussion, were they homophobic. They believed voting was an important element of civic engagement but they were also very involved in their community and church. I do not believe I was raised in a toxic environment.
But I do believe that my whiteness is a little bit toxic.
I also believe we are living now in an era of toxic whiteness, with Donald Trump being the crowned prince of the movement. Brock Turner and his Dad whitesplaining rape is another good example.
Affluenza teen yet another.
But these people are not entirely separate from me. They too grew up in a bubble and never had to experience life outside of the mainstream. They, like me, have not been discriminated against. They, like me, can never grasp what it is like to grow up in an environment where even one person tells you that your intrinsic, immutable self is wrong.
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Donald Trump’s casual, flagrant racism is the hallmark of this toxicity. He knows he can get away with it, just as Brock Turner believed he could get away with violating an unconscious woman behind a dumpster. Brock says his drunkenness (and hers) excuses his behavior, but he was not so drunk that he didn’t know to try to run away when he was caught.
White privilege is insidious and most of us realize this on some level. It is so insidious that there is little reason or opportunity to vocalize it (unless, of course, your son violates an unconscious girl behind a dumpster). Heterosexual privilege is another topic entirely; because while most white people would feel REALLY uncomfortable openly declaring their superiority as a race, there are sadly a decent amount of heterosexual people who are willing to make a platform of their superiority as a sexual orientation.
White people don’t need to shout “we’re better than you!” because virtually everything about our lives reflects this back to us through our privilege. And I know there are going to be people who say, “I can’t help being white” because this is the most obvious defense. It is also utter horseshit, as it is simply an excuse to absolve you of responsibility for taking action when there is a wrong that needs to be righted.
Speaking of utter horseshit, those people who are up in arms about gender neutral bathrooms are also displaying their toxic whiteness, no matter what their race. Categorizing with the intent to exclude is an elitist, entitled behavior. The fact that people are so comfortable vocalizing their prejudice is indicative of white toxicity as well.
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Again, the fact that Donald Trump has waged a successful campaign in America by espousing casual racism, sexism and xenophobia is a very clear marker of how incrementally we have evolved as a society in the 51 years since blacks were given the right to vote in our elections. It’s only been 51 years, which means a decent portion of blacks living in the U.S. remember what our country was like before that happened and most likely all black Americans have a living relative who can talk about that historic day from personal experience. I mention this for all the people I have heard say that blacks need to “get over” slavery, segregation and institutional racism. I really don’t believe there should be a statute of limitations on any of these things. Ever.
And while I do know some white people who actively fight against racial inequality and discrimination of all kinds, a lot of us do what I am doing right now: we say we believe it is wrong while living in our safe, protected bubble.
We vote for liberal candidates and think our job is done. We think our progressive, inclusive beliefs are good enough effort. And this is the reason my whiteness was called “toxic.”
I believe Bernie Sanders has done a great service to our country by waking up a large portion of privileged liberals to the fact that our political machine is one of white privilege and institutional racism. And while I certainly believe Hillary Clinton would be a better President than the horror-show that is Donald Trump, I also realize she is another symbol again of our sadly incremental evolution. This is not to disparage the big picture progress of following our first black President with our first woman President. This is to say no matter who becomes President, the machine is not oiled for much progress.
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Hello, my name is Kara and I am a toxic white person. I live in a world where I can take action or not take action against social injustice because it “doesn’t affect me personally.”
I live in a world where I can teach my son that his vote matters; in fact, because he is a white male, I can teach him that he can be anything he wants to be and mean it in earnest.
I did nothing to earn my privilege, just as I did nothing to earn my heterosexuality; but I can rest easier than most of my fellow citizens because of both of them.
I don’t feel guilty about being white. I do feel guilty about not fully using the status and privilege it has unfairly conferred on me to make the world my son is growing up in a more inclusive and better place. I have taught him that he has a responsibility to his community in general and the less-privileged specifically.
But I need to step up my game and embody this for him so he understands sooner than I did how much work there is left to be done.
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Photo: MCAD Library/Flickr
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And thank you for sharing this!
I add male to my WASP hetero. tag. For me I’m not sure that guilt adds to my motivation. I think us hetero WASP dudes need support as to what a bargain it is to give up some privilege for a much better why of life. I get distracted by responding to WASP hetero haters and apologists. I don’t know if I have the chops to talk “truth to power” to the apologists and haters. I want to keep giving “high fives” to my kind for being open to respecting the courage of those who take great risk to inform”my… Read more »
Kara, you’ve riled up the people reading this article–a good thing. I am in your shoes. White, privileged, and never concerned about prejudice. My closest friends are mental health professionals of Middle Eastern origin. hTey run into racial profiling everywhere they go. This is a real issue in the United States along with many other frightening issues of prejudice, racism (by police and gunman), gender issues, and inequality. Thank you for writing this courageous piece and thanks for helping wake people up.
So the level above gender and race is Patriarchy.
The priviledge of patriarchy and evolving to something new on all fronts of society.
This author has already decided the character of every human being sight unseen. It’s the very definition of prejudice.
No it’s more a characterization based on lived experience. It’s both/and not either/or. “The cost of our [interracial] friendship was always me curating a story. Avoiding certain topics and diving into others. Narrating a path where our curiosities could exist in the equilibrium of ignorance and forgiveness.”
– See more at: https://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/best-friend-7-years-told-didnt-like-black-people-jhlh/#sthash.qPj2XlNZ.dpuf
Excellent article The sad reality is that for many White people (not all) they see everything as it pertains to race as being about them. Well guess what? IT IS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU!
I think it would be a mistake to believe that white people don’t get a sentencing discount. I’m sure that’s not just true with sentencing, but with charging, plea agreements, and even whether a police officer bothers to investigate. These same advantages exist with female perpetrators as well. Your toxic femininity is offensive. I’m not supposed to say that, right? It all of a sudden becomes misogynistic to mention what should clearly be evident for any rational, even remotely fair minded individual. So why should I listen to someone who demands I recognize white privilege while denying their own female… Read more »
Nowaday, Mr. Anderson, most DAs want plea bargaining so they don’t have to work their tails off to prove that you were the one that did the crime when you did not do it.
G That’s true, but Brian Banks plead guilty to rape. They told him if he were convicted he’d face 40 tears in prison. He got 5 or so years in the plea. They don’t need to plead guilty to lesser crimes to “take a plea deal”. DAs don’t have to offer that to give them a sentencing discount. DAs don’t and IMO (maybe not yours) to offer someone 9 months for a home invasion (which would probably have gotten her longer than 9 months for a “career” criminal) and rape. They could have offered to drop the breaking and entering… Read more »
The privilege of WHITE heterosexuals …. ” RK, you said, ” White people (not all) they see everything as it pertains to race as being about them.Well guess what? IT IS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU! ” Then what is it about?
White privilege is real. The fact is that too many Whites are in denial about this fact. They always see it as being about them.
How is getting punch in the face, when you are thirteen with brass knuckles, a privilege? Yes, I am white male and he was a 15 year old black male. Nothing happened to him, I have a bone fragment in my left eye. I have problems with my left eye and will problems with that eye for the rest of my life. I am not angry at black people for what he did, I am angry at him. How is being question at gun point and having my house searched, while continue to have the gun pointed at me, a… Read more »
So Brock Turner raping a woman is proof of rich, white, privilege. Have we so soon forgot?
http://www.express.co.uk/news/world/636944/Cologne-sex-attacks-list-crimes
Ooops, wasn’t supposed to mention that, was I? Wrong identity of perpetrator.
Yeah, Mr. Anderon and here are some articles about prepetator who are police officers
http://californiapolicebrutalitylawyers.com/1/category/sexual%20assault/1.html
http://californiapolicebrutalitylawyers.com/sexual-assault.html
http://bigstory.ap.org/article/fd1d4d05e561462a85abe50e7eaed4ec/ap-hundreds-officers-lose-licenses-over-sex-misconduct
http://www.newsweek.com/police-sexual-assault-rape-justice-258130
Oops, wasn’t suppose to mention that because they are the good guys who are incapable of being perpetrators since they pass the background checks to prove that they are worthy of being cops.
Or this mass rape by law enforcement.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2512904/14-Baltimore-prison-officers-indicted-jail-sex-scandal-peddling-drugs-phones-notorious-gang-smuggling-vaginas.html
If I remember correctly though, none of them were actually charged with a sex crime. Do you think their gender may have had something to do with it?
Yeah Mr. Anderson and we have a systematic problem of rape in the US military and we don’t know how long it has been going on, probably back to the 1940s.
http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/films/invisible-war/
https://mydutytospeak.com/
Oops, I wasn’t suppose to mention the military since they are the ones that are the last bastions of American values and they are the ones that protect our freedoms (not).
Men and women both get raped in the military, but who does society care about ?
http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/02/08/16890167-betrayed-male-rape-victims-slam-oscar-nominated-filmmakers-over-focus-on-women
That’s just fellow soldiers though. Who were the primary victims at Abu Ghraib? Maybe they don’t count because they were mostly men, or maybe they’re the only men who count because they’re not “white”.
Thanks to white people being treated harshly at the Occupied Wall Street movements throughout the nation, white people getting treated harshly by the police at the Republican and Democratic National Conventions in around 2004, white people are finally waking up and listening to the minorities and poor people about how the police had treated them for years. They are no longer take a police’s word at full face value anymore.
For the heck of it, when my son was looking at going to college I asked him to look into scholarships or any subsidies that would benefit him because he’s white. Of course there are none. Given that he’s actually Mexican, I suggested he look into the same as a Mexican. Low and behold page after page after page. Being the kind of guy that he is, he refused to use his ethnicity as leverage. It took him longer then most but he managed to graduate, all the time working full time. My daughter on the other hand, she had… Read more »
“They, like me, can never grasp what it is like to grow up in an environment where even one person tells you that your intrinsic, immutable self is wrong.”
Well that’s because you’re a white female baby boomer who quite likely hasn’t attended a history class in decades.
Well 8bell, you have a lot of wealthy white people who failed their history class when they were in school and never learn from history or refused to learn from it. The same can be said for many people of the Greatest Generation because after World War II they continue with their racist, sexist attitudes even when they had graduated from college thanks to the GI Bill. And both of these groups were supposedly good God fearing Christians.
I think 8ball’s observation has more to do with female than white. Because in this society white, men, are constantly told by liberal, progressive, feminist leaning media that there is “that your intrinsic, immutable self is wrong.” ” Heck, this is even taught in schools.
G your rambling has literally nothing to do with anything I said. As usual.
Virtue signalling: the expression or promotion of viewpoints that are especially valued within a social group, especially when this is done primarily to enhance the social standing of the speaker. For example, expressing a hatred of the right-wing newspaper Daily Mail might be an example of virtue signalling among the British left. The term is chiefly used by conservative commentators to criticize the expression of tribalistic socially progressive views on social media, but has also been used to describe analogous behavior in other groups, such as pro-gun rights grandstanding among the American right, and by signalling theorists to discuss conspicuous… Read more »
I remember reading a great piece by a Muslim author not long ago that asked why it should be incumbent on Muslims to stop jihadis. And to be clear: the author Muslim man, living in Turkey, and thus benefitted from all of the attendant privileges that status granted in that society. And he raised a good point: it was not fair to put the burden on him simply because he shared a religion with those who would commit acts of violence against civilians. Putting the burden on him was a form of bigotry: demanding that he bear collectively responsibility based… Read more »
Brock Turner ran away from 2 white guys. This may be a more appropriate place to ask the questions. Why does privilege not apply to the heroes in this story? If their male privilege allowed them to confront a man, which 2 women couldn’t do; and their white privilege allowed them to restrain the man until the police arrived, which 2 black men couldn’t do, Then are they really heroes based on privilege theory especially if they had an obligation as privileged people to intervene? Based on my understanding of privilege, privilege theory is incompatible with calling those men heroes.… Read more »
That’s not how privilege works though. It permits people to blame you as a group for things based on the negative actions of a few, but you can’t be praised as group based on the positive actions of a few.
Nowadays, Mr. Anderson, you tried to restrain someone, you end up getting killed or injured by the person or the police. In addition, the police could arrest you and accuse you of being the criminal and the district attorney and the judge would back them up.
So your suggesting that 2 black ,em restraining a white man would have the same level of risk as 2 white men restraining a white or black man. I believe that there are a number of people in the BLM movement who would disagree that the police are just as inclined to give a black man the benefit of the doubt. The theory of privilege in my understanding doesn’t say that a privileged person will succeed, a level of reality U don’t believe the proponents of the theory were willing to concede. It’s a delusion that they realized they would… Read more »
No Mr. Anderson, my point was that anyone trying to help out the victim these days risks getting arrest , beaten or killed by the police. Since you brought up race, yes, Afro-Americans have never been given the benefit of the doubt by the police especially when they are trying to help the victim.
I haven’t disagreed. I’m simply stating that if privilege theory were applied to the two heroes and why shouldn’t it since your privilege doesn’t disappear because you’ve done something noble, they shouldn’t be considered heroes or at least “real” heroes. Privilege theory asserts they faced less risk as white men dealing with the police than a black man would. They faced less risk being men confronting a man than a woman would. They would be less able to follow him if they had been wheel chair bound or even detect a crime was going on if they were blind. Privilege… Read more »
It rained yesterday afternoon when I wanted to cut my lawn. Those damn white people! “But I do believe that my whiteness is a little bit toxic.” Well, that’s what happens when one listens to toxic people. You don’t lift them up, they drag you down…and they will wreak havoc on your self esteem. It is what happens when we fight against sexism and bigotry from only one end of the issue. Anyone that fails can easily venture onto facebook that find someone to blame be it women, black people, white people etc. I’ve discussed with thousands of men and… Read more »
I like the article overall but I hate, hate, HATE the ending!
One of the main reasons it’s so easy for Trump to pander at white people’s anger is because they feel everyone else is shaming them for being white and that no amount of anything they do will ever make people shame them less…and this article ends with a AA-like guilt-fest?
Yes, white people need many lessons in empathy but if shame was any good at it, we would know it by now. If anything, shame puts people on the defensive.
Empathy can’t be taught through shame.
In South Africa we have a term ‘skaamkwaad’ – shame anger….
When a minority rapes someone does “white privilege” lets them think its OK? When Sam Ukwuachu’s parents tried to secure a lenient sentence for him were they whitesplaining?
How can you seriously sit down and write an article that relies on an assumption that is so easily invalidated? If “whiteness” prompts people to commit rape how on earth can non-white people do it? Privilege exists but it is hardly the end-all be-all explanation you so glibly apply.
Bernie Sanders and the Occupied Wall Street movement also woke up a lot of white people about corporations and wealthy people having too much political, social, and economic power. We forgot about that after the Great Depression of 1929 was over or failed to learn from it. We were never taught about that in our history classes.
“But I do believe that my whiteness is a little bit toxic.” ‘Toxicity’ itself is an innately knowable, objective and static quality, used in scientific settings to describe static, objective phenomenon, with static properties; at the very least, one could concede that the term is ill-suited for characterizing any of the vagaries of the humanities that are at play here. The road to Hell may or may not be paved with good intentions- but it almost certainly is adorned with false equivalencies; key among them being that that which is actually relative & subjective is rather that which is uniform, objective… Read more »
My bad, I thought this was about “toxic white” but I guess it was a bait and switch article about Trump? Why can’t people talk about issues without bringing politics, in particular Trump” into the conversation? It is fascinating that you brought trump into this when you have “white” Hillary on the platform. Maybe because her her “white” privilege over shadows her female privilege?How about Bill Clinton’s “what male” privilege where he got a full pass on his white house sexual antics and his wife that gave him a full pardon for adulturay?
Yeah, Mr. Brechlin, and Ronald Reagan, Oliver North, Admiral Poindetexer and William Casey got a full pass for their Iran Contra antics. You also have Dick Cheney and Bush, jr., getting a full pass for getting us into Iraq. You also have Richard Nixon and Gordon Liddy a full pass after the Watergate scandal. You have the CEOs on Wall Street getting a full pass for the economic scandals they have caused for the last 36 years.
“I also believe we are living now in an era of toxic whiteness, with Donald Trump being the crowned prince of the movement. Brock Turner and his Dad whitesplaining rape is another good example.
Affluenza teen yet another.”
One of the issues is that they intersect on too many identities to suggest that it is whiteness that is the driving factor. The Affluenza teen’s defense was that he was wealthy. The same could be said of the other people mentioned.