In fiction, one often runs across villains who want to literally end the world. Destroy all humanity, wipe everything out, bam. No more people, no more civilization. As a boy, I didn’t really understand this impulse; I mean, what’s to be gained by ending the world?
As an adult, I come across articles like this and suddenly that impulse makes a lot of sense. It’s all about the skillset necessary to “land” (her word) a Wall Street investor. It’s depressing enough to realize that there are some people who still think of Wall Street investors as anything other than overentitled douchebags who wreck everything, but this article manages to get worse. It lays out, at some length, how you can expect this guy to be a massive overentitled douchebag of a shitty boyfriend, but who cares because he’s rich, right?
How to Date a Wall Street Man
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Here are a few tips for the women out there who are dating or would like to be dating a man on Wall Street:
1. Be prepared to charm him out of talking about work when he first arrives to the date. Unfortunately, a lot of guys on Wall Street have a hard time leaving work at the office; it’s your job to get his mind on you and off the S & P.
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3. While a Wall Street man tends to like a little bit of a challenge when it comes to dating, he still likes things to be convenient and easy for him. A lot of women think that if they play hard to get, they will land a Wall Street man. This is NOT the case. Yes, you should be confident and avoid being a pushover but, at the same time, you shouldn’t be difficult. You need to be accommodating or his schedule and time constraints or he will get frustrated and find another woman.
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5. Be sexy. Wall Street men tend to like women who are attractive and that other men notice when they walk in the room. This does not mean that you should look sleazy or inappropriate, this just means that you should bring your “A game” when you go out with him, whatever that is.
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7. Don’t get upset if your Wall Street guy isn’t as romantic as you would like him to be. Men, by nature are never as romantic as women want them to be, but Wall Street men especially are very business-like and think practically not romantically.
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9. When it comes to getting you a gift, a lot of Wall Street men are all about extravagance over thoughtfulness. If you are a decadent woman, this will work well for you, but if you are a woman who prefers a man to be thoughtful over spending lavishly on something you don’t really want, you might be disappointed. This does not mean that a Wall Street man can’t be thoughtful, many are. However, a lot of Wall Street men are so busy making lots of money, that when they think to buy you something, they don’t care about the cost as long as it’s easy to get for you.
Okay then. I think we’ve given this “human civilization” thing an honest try. I’ve been more than fair with you people. I’m not even dissecting the ugly assumptions about men, women, love, sex, anything in that article, I’m just activating the Omega Beam. Maybe the ants will do a better job with this planet.
About Noah Brand
Superglucose:
Are there ant species where males have any other role than that? I was under the impression that due to the haplodiploid sex determination system, male ants would generally be quite fragile creatures that are pretty much unfit for anything but mating (which also kills them).
Termites, on the other hand, are somewhat more equal-opportunity, as far as eusocial insects go.
@Superglucose: How is that at all typical?
I mean, beyond “funny ha ha” joking around, in the same way I might joke around about AI killing everyone and establishing a robot-dominated society where the highest position I might hope to attain is sex slave. Which, in accordance with the joke, my punchline is “I’d be cool with that!”
And even then, I really only see radfems doing that.
@Ted:
Tyranids love Tau — they taste good. Therefore, I love Tau. =P
@Superglucose:
I interpreted your comment as a lighthearted jab at radical feminism, and lol’ed.
That said, I’m pretty sure that ant and bee workers, though technically sterile females, do not have a full suite of genes from either sex. I’m not trying to be political, just nitpicking. =P
(of course, queens DO run the show, making your point more valid).
Fun fact: a bee’s stinger is actually a modified ovipositor. Which, if you think about it, makes stinging someone a VERY political act!
See this:
“When our earthly vessels meet their end, the souls they housed must leave this world. Would the path of their migration not be the same one as our departed gods? Must they not pass through the same doorway the Divine employed to reach that place that lies beyond?
If this is the case, it stands to reason that, should a great many lives at once be cut short, a flood of souls would surge through the aforementioned portal. The Door would be thrown wide, and perhaps we might even glimpse the gleaming light of Divinity beyond.
— On the Nature of Fal’Cie ”
So the chief of the fal’Cie drives a big plot designed to have some people transform in the mythical beast Ragnarok, destroy Cocoon (which houses the only remaining humans alive), thus having lots of souls going for the world of the dead, hoping that the world’s creator would then come back. Basically a nihilist gamble based on a philosophical supposition…but with the inevitable conclusion that everyone dies anyways.
That’s basically FF13 in a nutshell. FF13-2 exists because the heroes managed to not let Cocoon (smaller than our moon, but big as heck) fall down on the planet’s surface (it was only floating, not in space), but the Cocoon fal’Cie are all dead, given their leader is dead.
The fal’Cie themselves were unable to destroy Cocoon, despite being much stronger than normal humans, because they don’t have free will to commit suicide. They can give a catch-22 mission (do it and you become crystal, while everyone dies, don’t and you become some undead forever) to humans to do it, however.
I’m not entirely sure how to respond to this. For one, Noah gets it horribly wrong by treating Wall Street men as a monolith. I find it hard to believe that everyone who works in finance or works to support those who work in finance is by definition an asshole. And, many people who have no direct connect to finance or Wall Street will have a lot of the traits that Noah and some of the commentators think are horrible.
You could say the same thing about developers at Google, or about engineers at SpaceX. There’s nothing wrong with being passionate about your job and your field.
3. While a Wall Street man tends to like a little bit of a challenge when it comes to dating, he still likes things to be convenient and easy for him. A lot of women think that if they play hard to get, they will land a Wall Street man. This is NOT the case. Yes, you should be confident and avoid being a pushover but, at the same time, you shouldn’t be difficult. You need to be accommodating or his schedule and time constraints or he will get frustrated and find another woman.
Lots of people have very demanding work schedules. Some professions, like being a pilot, sailor, soldier, commercial driver or train crew-person are even worse. They demand that people be away from home for extended periods. Other professions don’t quite require this, but put significant demands on your schedule. Consider the hours that an “on-call” IT person or a developer or artist at EA puts in. Or, consider the schedule of a typical doctor. There’s nothing wrong with pointing out the implications of having such a burden.
Okay, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure what Noah’s complaint is here. If it’s “Unrealistic standards of romance are objectifying and harmful”, I agree. If it’s “Wall Street men are terrible people because they are not romantics”, I would disagree, citing my reasoning from the previous sentence.
That all being said, there’s still something that irks me about Samantha Daniels. Even if I were to somehow able to earn the required amount of ‘success’ to be one of the ‘high calibre individuals’ that takes as her clients, I don’t think I’d trust her to find me a wife. I simply wouldn’t want to be married to someone who puts such a high value on social status.
How to Date a Wall Street Man (Continued):
Etc., etc.
@Developer^3:
I think you’re confused. Noah linked to and quoted from an article written by someone else that is making those assertions. Noah is opposed to the contents of the article, and is holding it up for ridicule.
Oops. I take that back. By the time I read the rest of the article, I forgot Noah had written this:
Carry on, Developer^3
I’ve never understood this whole, “women want men to be more romantic, but no man is ever romantic enough to please any woman” bullshit.
I mean, I’m not a woman, or very romantic, so maybe I just don’t know. But my boyfriend is so very romantic. All the time. Like, I have to periodically ask him to try and dial back the romance a bit. And surely he’s not the only one like that.
@L: I was taking a light-hearted jab at the rad-fems out there. It was amusing to me because since ants are considered “female” NoahBrand was, probably unintentionally, spouting one of the oldest “truisms” of rad-fem: that women should kill all the men and take over since they’d do so much a better job.
I am in no way suggesting that NoahBrand is radfem or that he believes women would do a better job than men at ruling the world. That’s why there was the PS, just in case someone thought I was being serious.
(So I guess I was also taking a lighthearted jab at Mr. Brand, in the “lol ur a radfem” sort of way.)