- Obtain a license for a concealed weapon. Show said license to teenaged daughter’s boyfriend.
- Dream about the four-hour erections they keep talking about on those erectile dysfunction commercials.
- Getting out of bed is accompanied by a grunt and a cacophony of cracks.
- Forgive your dad for whatever he did wrong because you realize you are no better. Or worse.
- Go to 25th college reunion and secretly stare at the potbellies and bald heads while you wonder to yourself, “how did all these guys get so damn old?”
- Start to worry that your son is going to have to go to war.
- Become obsessed with finding a back-up food source in the event of apocalypse.
- Wear spandex while riding a bike that cost more than your first car.
- Read endless books on gambling strategy, the civil war and wilderness adventures.
- Become expert at trimming ear hair.
- Drink a metallic liquid that makes you want to puke only to have the pleasure of having a camera shoved up your ass.
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Love the Spandex!
* Suck in gut when twenty year-old women pass.
* Freak out over 15 year old daughter having a serious boyfriend while totally forgetting you did the same thing.
* Try to remember what your parents told you, but forget what wife/girlfriend just said
* Shake your head in amusement at what the young turks of your organization are planning.
* Quarterback the most successful game in NFL history from the comfort of your armchair.
All The Best Tom