The New Macho


What does it mean to be ‘assertively, self-consciously male’ now?
 

Men are certainly under attack from all sides at the moment—whether it’s the endless list of celebrity bad boys or the sociologists who have come to fame by pointing out the statistical impotence of men at-large. Apparently males these days watch porn 50 times a week, on average, play endless video games, fail out of school, and are increasingly anti-social.

Those of us with testosterone and a well-meaning heart, we don’t have much room to maneuver. For a good number of guys in my cohort (40s, white, from supposedly forward-looking backgrounds), the double bind of manhood predates the most recent attacks. Our feminist moms told us to be just like them to be loved. For our dads, the idea of macho got lost in some encounter group somewhere (except for Burt Reynolds in Semi-Tough, when he is supposed to piss himself during a EST conference but sneaks in a catheder flask taped to his leg as back-up, which, ironically, I have a clear memory of going to see with my dad). So we just gave up on being macho.

If there is a gender war, men have just decided to gather up their marbles and go home. Virtual sex is better than real sex with a complex woman. Hanging with the boys over a beer and watching a game is better than getting your manhood wrapped around your eardrums. “Pass me the remote,” is the mantra in response to getting kicked in the nuts.

So, The Good Men Project is about encouraging men to get their mojo back, to be proud of their manliness, to see good where we have been conditioned to be ashamed of our instincts, to ultimately define a new macho that does good in the world.

 ♦◊♦

I am not debating the statistics about manhood. I realize that we are, in the majority, a group of Internet-obsessed masturbators with deep-seated emotional issues. I’m proud to be a member of that group.

No, my issue is that we collectively, male and female, are obsessed with the worst of the worst when it comes to men rather than the best of the best. An 18-year-old kid gets drunk and does something stupid and disgusting, but frankly no more stupid or disgusting than I did drunk when I was 18—and dare I say most guys and a lot of women, too? Yet because this kid has even the hint of celebrity—he was one of 75 hopefuls on the U.S. Ski development team—it leads the national news and blows up into an international story.

Image from A Conversation with Tim Hetherington

Meanwhile 18-year-old boys we all sent to Iraq and Afghanistan to fight our wars—wars that, arguably, we will never win—lay down their lives in silence. Those guys are macho in my book, for sure. We just choose not to focus on them.

♦◊♦

“A real man doesn’t lie or cheat or beat his chest, but stares down things that seem impossible—like flying at the speed of sound or walking on the moon—and doing them anyways,” I recently wrote in a piece about astronauts, but I might as well have been referring to all men.

“The New Macho” is a guy who has an aggressive moral compass that prioritizes the things that he finds important—family, being honest, making a difference in the world. He goes all out to figure that out, yet he is also more apt to take risks “and stare down things that seem impossible.”

“The New Macho” is a guy who has an aggressive moral compass that prioritizes the things that he finds important—family, being honest, making a difference in the world. He goes all out to figure that out, yet he is also more apt to take risks “and stare down things that seem impossible.”

♦◊♦

Let’s take an easy category first: entrepreneurs.

Our economy is in a heap of trouble: untenable national debt, historical high rates of unemployment, stagnant growth. The one thing we still do best in the world is figure out new ideas and build huge, revolutionary businesses around them. We are still the world’s best innovators.

If we are going to save ourselves economically, it’s because of companies like Apple, Google, Facebook, and Twitter.

These companies were all founded by men who believed in the power of their own ideas to transform the world in ways that no one else really thought possible. And it’s their ideas that are most important. While Steve Jobs and Marc Zuckerberg are certainly huge personalities, their genius is in their innovation, not in their haircut or their editorials. One could even argue that the personalities of the male founders of huge companies tend to be neutral to negative. But the power of their product innovation is so great that they succeed despite themselves. They risk it all and stare down the impossible, proving themselves macho for sure. In the end, the personalities are not an intrinsic part of the business. The founder’s fundamental insight into the market is.

Take Jobs, who suddenly-but-inevitably stepped down from his position as C.E.O of Apple and then tragically died after a long struggle with pancreatic cancer. In his New York Times piece, David Streitfeld quoted Jobs biographer, Alan Deutschman, as saying:

The big thing about Steve Jobs is not his genius or his charisma but his extraordinary risk-taking. Apple has been so innovative because Jobs takes major risks, which is rare in corporate America. He doesn’t market-test anything. It’s all his own judgment and perfectionism and gut.

Steve Jobs is the new macho.

Then think about the most well-known companies founded by female entrepreneurs: Martha, Oprah, Kate Spade, Gaga, Huffington Post, Mrs. Fields, Mary Kay. These are businesses built around a personality, even named after the founder. They aren’t product innovations—magazines, handbags, cookies, cosmetics—as much as women who have successfully marketed an image of themselves. As such, they aren’t as risky nor as significant in terms of changing the fundamentals of the marketplace.

Certainly one could argue that the workplace, venture capital, and particularly technology are all bastions of male sexism. Despite that, women like Meg Whitman, Carly Fiorina, and Sheryl Sandberg have played key roles in managing technology companies once they became huge. But not in starting them from scratch, when you have to believe you can walk on the moon because the whole world is telling you that you’re insane.

Is it sexism that causes men to go where women have not yet? I don’t think so. The Internet is a great equalizer. No one cares who the founder of a particular web company is. What they care about is whether or not the product works and solves a fundamental need. Again, people use Facebook despite hating Mark Zuckerberg, for the most part. And frankly, the really great companies are so great from the get-go that venture capital is hardly a roadblock. Google, Facebook, and the like took money only after they were massively successful.

If Mark Zuckerberg had been a woman, the world wouldn’t have boycotted Facebook. If the product worked, we all would have used it—probably more than if an unlikeable guy was the founder. But no woman has stepped forward with a revolutionary idea that has turned into a multi-billion dollar transformative company. And my suspicion has to do with the risk-taking aspect of what it means to be male and macho in 2011.

[ 1 | 2 ]

Photo Cuito Cuanavale/Flickr

Pages: 1 2

Premium Membership, The Good Men Project

About Tom Matlack

Tom Matlack is the co-founder of The Good Men Project. He has a 18-year-old daughter and 16- and 7-year-old sons. His wife, Elena, is the love of his life. Follow him on Twitter @TMatlack.

Comments

  1. Ewell Smith says:

    I really like the direction the Onion News Network is taking, keep up the awesome work guys!

  2. Heriberto Vizcarra says:

    Thank God we live in a country with so many different lifestyles, because I haven’t been living in the same society as you portray it in this article and comments.

  3. Tom, thank you for creating a new definition for macho. I believe all men want to fulfill your ideal. We lack the role models and the tools. Your post lays the ground work.

    I watch your Sing Sing video – you had me in tears. Not from pity, but from feeling your and the men you visited greatness. It’s sad as men we have to experience extreme events to touch launch greatness.

    I’ve come to feel that as men we are meant to struggle and over come. Steve Jobs did and so did Julio Medina. Let’s create a world where more men get to be Steve Jobs.

  4. I think Macho is a person who realizes that their own journey to manhood is not complete without mentoring and guiding the emerging generation. When a person accepts responsibility to help others through the challenges of maturation, they themselves discover true manhood. A macho man is nothing more than a man who recognizes his place in the cycle of life and give selflessly.

  5. this message is old news in a new light. for me it helps bring to light things i once forgot. men are only seen as superior because thats the way the media portrays us. the biological role f a male is to protect his mate also protect his offspring. these men you mentioned where doing just that. successful people are the ones who appear to be extremely unsuccessful but still have the integrity to keep pushing even though they fail on a consistent basis. these men include guys like Goeorge Washington. as a general he lead an army that was out gunned and out maned to free a country for a tyrant. the issue with todays man is they were told they were special and different giving them a sense of entitlement. this entitlement has lead to the down fall of the planet. human nature was never to destroy another human but to help that human survive. this is the mentality of macho men they dont want to harm another person. they want to help that person survive and help that person reach there full potential. this brings them joy in a life full of questioning yourself

  6. The difference between brave and reckless, like the difference between nurturing and coddling, is a great question masculine and feminine men and women have to battle with every day.

    Unfortunately the battle between the sexes is still selling well but, more unfortunately, those who have won that battle by not playing it lose sight of the mindset the rest of the world is still stuck in. They get smug, and cynical, and coddling and reckless.

  7. Quinn Hamilton says:

    I wanted to like this article, but the author rubbed me the wrong way very soon into it. To say “think about the most well-known companies founded by female entrepreneurs” and that they “aren’t product innovations…as much as women who have successfully marketed an image of themselves” then essentially go on to dismiss their work as less important is unfair. I understand that, to men, the work of the women you’ve mentioned may not have changed the life of the average man, but the average woman would beg to differ. You said: “These companies [Google, Facebook, Apple] were all founded by men who believed in the power of their own ideas to transform the world in ways that no one else really thought possible.” How many people in the 1950s thought a black woman who grew up poor in rural Mississippi could build a multi-media empire and be worth $2.5 billion? Oprah has a big personality but it was her genius that made her a media mogul and not just talk show host-puppet controlled by her advertisers. And it is her genius and innovation that inspires more women to believe in themselves and their own world-changing ideas.

    I could give more examples but I won’t. I’d recommend you open your eyes to the different, but equally awesome, ways that women’s genius and innovation manifest. I would then encourage you to get hip to the lesser known women innovators in the sectors in which you’re familiar. They exist but they are HIGHLY underrepresented and under-praised for a myriad of reasons. I would also encourage you to support the programs that are helping to increase the numbers of women in areas that we tend to be underrepresented such as the technology sector you so lovingly talk about. There’s a great group called Black Girls Code that could use donations.

  8. I believe in equal pay for equal work and that women and men should be able to make a good living, but If I were a woman I would be sorta proud that so few women are billionaires. Billionaires are basically criminals, no one needs or truly earns that much money. I do think that men more often tend to be risk takers, and that has both goods and bads to it and is a pretty big part of what makes males distinct. I think that guys these days are getting too stuck in their comfort zone in westerm countries with all the internet and yes the porn, all the technology that both makes some things too easy and some things impossible to do on their own. What ordinary guy can fix a car these days

Trackbacks

  1. [...] our Tom Matlack writes today, Jobs is “The New [...]

  2. [...] piece on “The New Macho” among men has received, as usual, mixed reviews. To be clear I wasn’t so much trying to put [...]

  3. [...] also makes me think about women. Articles like this one are quick to point out that no woman has created the equivalent of a Facebook or an Ebay. Rather [...]

  4. Online Article…

    [...]very few websites that happen to be detailed below, from our point of view are undoubtedly well worth checking out[...]…

  5. [...] the end I think we all want the same thing: a new kind of macho in which men are allowed to express themselves as fully formed human beings who change diapers, are [...]

Speak Your Mind

*