The founders of these huge companies each had an aggressive moral compass, in the sense that they saw the world needed their idea, and they were willing to risk everything to see that idea to fruition. They walk on the moon, even though it looks pretty damned impossible to everyone but them at the outset. They are “macho” in the sense I am talking about, for sure. But what if we broaden that out to men outside the rarified air of the ass-kickers of the technology revolution?
I have always loved Stephen King, not so much for his writing—like the rest of the world—but for his backstory. He grew up in rural Maine with his mom, who made a living cleaning a home for the mentally ill. He graduated from the University of Maine at Orono and married his classmate Tabitha Spruce. They lived on his earnings as a laborer at an industrial laundry, with her student loan and savings and his occasional short story providing some extra cash. But they literally lived in a trailer and didn’t have the money for the “pink medicine” when their kids got sick. King ultimately sold Carrie, his first novel, for hardcover publication for $2,500. Then on Mother’s Day, he learned that the paperback rights to the book had been sold and his portion would be $200,000. King went to the local drug store and bought his wife Tabitha a hair dryer. That is macho.
Father John Unni is the Pastor of St. Cecelia’s Catholic in Boston. He’s highly aware of both the church’s potential to heal and the recent history of suffering as a result of the pedophilia scandal. His parish has grown and thrives, including many from the gay and lesbian community. As a result, he scheduled a special mass during gay pride month. He received death threats. The Archdiocese cancelled that mass and gave him an explanation to read to his congregation. With the bishop sitting on the altar, Father John held the prepared text but refused to read it. Instead, he showed an aggressive moral compass, risking his job and his entire career as a priest. “My only agenda is Christ’s agenda,” he said. “And Christ loves us just the way we are—black and white, rich and poor, gay and straight.” He received a 10-minute standing ovation that included the most conservative, old-school Irish Catholic parishioners.
Julio Medina was the leader of the biggest drug gang in the South Bronx. He was sentenced to life in prison. After five years in Sing Sing, Julio decided to try to walk on his own moon, no matter how long the odds. There were frequent stabbings inside. As an inmate, you never want to get blood on your uniform because you will either refuse to talk and get sent to solitary, or talk and get stabbed yourself. So a man falls and inmates scatter. Finally, a friend was stabbed in front of Julio. Men jumped over him and ran. Something clicked. Julio bent down and picked up his friend, getting blood splattered all over his uniform. In that one act, he changed his life. He worked to calm violence inside, eventually received parole, and established an organization, Exodus, which has helped over 10,000 newly-released, high-security prisoners beat the odds and stay out for good.
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Joao Silva by Michael Kamber
“Sometimes we fail our own moral compass, our own emotional compass,” says Greg Marinovich, a former combat photo-journalist, talking about his colleague Kevin Carter who won the Pulitzer Prize for a picture of an emaciated Sudanese toddler, doubled over, as a vulture lurked behind her. But Carter was never able to recall what happened to the child and within three months had committed suicide. That quote comes from a discussion at the Walter Reed bedside of Joao Silva, another photojournalist who had both legs blown off by a land mine in Afghanistan. Later, Joao is testing out his new robotic legs, hoping to go back to shooting the truth of combat, when fellow photojournalist Michael Kamber visits. Kamber gets the call, at Joao’s bedside, that their peer, Tim Hetherington, has perished in Libya. Joao, with no legs but a big heart, holds the weeping Kamber (See Kamber’s tribute to Hetherington here). Which of these guys is most macho and for what? It’s hard to know where to start and finish that discussion, other than to say they all are willing to take enormous risks because they simply think it’s the right thing to do.
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It’s not that women can’t do any of these things—but for right now, they don’t tend to do them in the way men do.
The aggressive moral compass of guy land cuts both ways. Collectively, we are much more willing to ascribe evil intent to men who behave badly. When a woman kills her child, we all get upset, but we don’t say she’s bad or evil. We look for reasons she might have gone off the deep end. When a guy cheats on his wife, we say he deserved a golf club to the head and find discussion of his mental illness as a weak excuse.
Perhaps, the context of man-hating is what drives men to the extreme risk-taking and a worldview built around having something to prove. The new macho is a vanguard of men who don’t accept the Charlie Sheen characterization of all mankind. They prove that we can be manly men and be good, all the way to the core.
So if Webster’s definition of macho is an “assertively, self-consciously male,” I would translate that in today’s world to mean a man who is willing to figure out what is good—and then go off and do the impossible. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. Like Steve Jobs, or Julio Medina, or Father John. That’s the new macho.
So if Webster’s definition of macho is an “assertively, self-consciously male,” I would translate that in today’s world to mean a man who is willing to figure out what is good—and then go off and do the impossible. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. Like Steve Jobs, or Julio Medina, or Father John. That’s the new macho.
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If women want to be macho too, I have no problem with that. The new macho is a big tent with plenty of room for those with an aggressive moral compass, ready and willing to take a stand.
But, how about a break from all this talk about the lack of good men? There are macho men everywhere. We just seem incapable of seeing them. Or we just have, until now, forgotten to look.
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Also: “Macho Women” by Tom Matlack
—Photo Bruce Berrien/Flickr
I believe in equal pay for equal work and that women and men should be able to make a good living, but If I were a woman I would be sorta proud that so few women are billionaires. Billionaires are basically criminals, no one needs or truly earns that much money. I do think that men more often tend to be risk takers, and that has both goods and bads to it and is a pretty big part of what makes males distinct. I think that guys these days are getting too stuck in their comfort zone in westerm countries… Read more »
I wanted to like this article, but the author rubbed me the wrong way very soon into it. To say “think about the most well-known companies founded by female entrepreneurs” and that they “aren’t product innovations…as much as women who have successfully marketed an image of themselves” then essentially go on to dismiss their work as less important is unfair. I understand that, to men, the work of the women you’ve mentioned may not have changed the life of the average man, but the average woman would beg to differ. You said: “These companies [Google, Facebook, Apple] were all founded… Read more »
The difference between brave and reckless, like the difference between nurturing and coddling, is a great question masculine and feminine men and women have to battle with every day.
Unfortunately the battle between the sexes is still selling well but, more unfortunately, those who have won that battle by not playing it lose sight of the mindset the rest of the world is still stuck in. They get smug, and cynical, and coddling and reckless.
this message is old news in a new light. for me it helps bring to light things i once forgot. men are only seen as superior because thats the way the media portrays us. the biological role f a male is to protect his mate also protect his offspring. these men you mentioned where doing just that. successful people are the ones who appear to be extremely unsuccessful but still have the integrity to keep pushing even though they fail on a consistent basis. these men include guys like Goeorge Washington. as a general he lead an army that was… Read more »
I think Macho is a person who realizes that their own journey to manhood is not complete without mentoring and guiding the emerging generation. When a person accepts responsibility to help others through the challenges of maturation, they themselves discover true manhood. A macho man is nothing more than a man who recognizes his place in the cycle of life and give selflessly.
Tom, thank you for creating a new definition for macho. I believe all men want to fulfill your ideal. We lack the role models and the tools. Your post lays the ground work. I watch your Sing Sing video – you had me in tears. Not from pity, but from feeling your and the men you visited greatness. It’s sad as men we have to experience extreme events to touch launch greatness. I’ve come to feel that as men we are meant to struggle and over come. Steve Jobs did and so did Julio Medina. Let’s create a world where… Read more »
Thank God we live in a country with so many different lifestyles, because I haven’t been living in the same society as you portray it in this article and comments.
I really like the direction the Onion News Network is taking, keep up the awesome work guys!
Thanks for this article. I’m a woman and I adore men. I’ve never believed in bashing men, I love them! I do wonder, though, why it’s necessary to compare men to women in the way you’ve done in this article. I love what you say about men, but then why do you have to subtly denigrate women to make your point? If the point of your article is that the modern man is changing the world through risk-taking, developing a strong moral compass, facing difficult situations with bravery (including emotional ones) and innovation (as opposed to brute strength and stoicism,… Read more »
I agree with this comment entirely. I heartily applaud bringing to the fore the wonderful achievements and attributes of the manly man. My son has a very ‘traditional’ marriage which is not one in which I would be fulfilled, but I am so proud the way he takes care of his wife and serves his country. I always knew he would be a manly man type and never desired to take this away. I did, however, encourage him to build up others rather than tear them down to make himself feel big and powerful. And the amount of negative comparisons… Read more »
women have taking more risks then men but are under credited. you look at these succseful men i bet the had a strong women helping them when the would get discouraged.
I think that we have to look at the strengths of each sex independently of the other. The sexes cannot be compared because the sexes are created different but equal. To compare men to women in areas such as parenting, work, sex and relationships is comparing apples to oranges.
The weaknesses of each sex in each of these areas will be counterbalanced by the opposite sexes strength,
Let us stop comparing and be great in our own light.
The problem with male machismo is that it, unfortunately, assumes that HIS story is in fact history. To suggest that women are not as creative, entrepreneurial or inventive as men simply due to a lack of strong moral compass or a refusal to take risks is to discount (yet again) the many contributions that women have and continue to make in the marketplace. I have included a short list of female inventors below, many of whose research and inventions made possible the achievements and innovations, and in fact may have saved the lives, of the men mentioned in the article.… Read more »
The misogyny in this essay is frightening. To say that women have built their empires — Oprah, Huffington Post, Mrs. Fields — “around a personality, even named after the founder” only serves in this context to bash the women (and too few of them) who have become wildly successful. Was Steve Jobs not building Apple off of his “assoholic” personality? Wasn’t Mark Zuckerburg just trying to score some nookie when he started Facebook in his Harvard dorm?
That bothered me, too. Tom dismisses women-formed companies with one fell swoop. It sort of put me off the rest of the piece which had some very good points. I think we need to be careful….. And Zuckerberg and Jobs were both geniuses but they were rather awful to the women, at least some of the women in their lives. Although it seems both of them cleaned up their acts eventually.
Online Article…
[…]very few websites that happen to be detailed below, from our point of view are undoubtedly well worth checking out[…]…
Fantastically well said, makes one feel damned proud to be a man.
But there is something a little troubling about it, it bothers me that women and men are still brought up to play these roles differently. It tramples on the ideal of individual choice and determination a little. I’d feel more comfortable if these values were as impressed on young women as they are on young men.
Great article!
To be brief, was abused a child, and had no role model. I found that following my own moral compass, and damn the consequences, gave me my macho, my own strength.
Thanks!
I think the term New Macho has been around for a little while:
http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2010/09/20/why-we-need-to-reimagine-masculinity.html
Tom Matlack, sometimes I think you must be bi-polar or something. I no sooner finish reading your piece (junks Hot-I.D.) . And here I am thinking to myself “another ‘recovering person’ doing his ‘penance’ by becoming a ‘Mangina’ worshiping at the alter of ‘Femdom’ (like your fellow recovering blogger, Dan Griffen). Then I read this article and couldn’t agree more with you. You hit it dead center on the head. Although Jon Pietz does have a point. Most of this has alway been “macho”. What has changed is that it’s no longer considered “unmacho” to be hands on as a… Read more »
Please don’t call any male a “Mangina”. Why do we have to ascribe weakness to a female organ that gives life to both courageous men and women?
Ditto on the “mangina” comment. I saw my wife push and struggle and agonize for hours (even with drugs) to pump out our two babies. She cried, she groaned, she shit herself. Then she fainted when it was all through. It was the toughest thing I’ve ever seen anyone do–ever–and I was in fucking awe of her.
I want to raise one objection here regarding Steve Jobs. Anyone who attempts to deny paternity by claiming to be infertile, and compounds it by perjuring himself, is not a man. That behavior is evident of a failed human being. Then again, history is rife with utter douchebags accomplishing great things, so I don’t think that this means we can just disregard his sizable achievements. I just would like to put forth the notion that if we’re going to offer him up as a masculine construct, we need to be more careful.
Tom, what you describe as “The New Macho” is not the new macho. It’s what macho has always been and always will be: A person willing to stand up for what they believe in, no matter what the consequences. My hero growing up was Pablo Picasso—a man who once (according to legend) had to burn nearly 2 years worth of his artwork in a fireplace in order to stay warm enough to stay alive. Now that is macho.
The “Girl Power!” movements that began in the 90’s morphed from empowering young girls into BASHING all things male. The endless girl-power/girls rule/men suck narrative has convinced us that, yeah, everything we do does suck. In any TV commercial wherein a couple tries to figure something out, its the man that must always be portrayed as clueless and the women must always be the one who figures it out. To reverse the roles would be sexist and demeaning to women, but to always portray the man as a fumbling incompetent idiot is right and proper in Girl Power! America 2011.… Read more »
Please don’t equate the “girl power” movement with feminism. Any remotely informed feminist scoffs at at it. “Girl power” is about people (often men) making money off of them by dressing them up in scantily clad outfits (while having them claim to be ‘pure’!) and having them sing crappy songs, which usually end up being about boys boys boys anyways. As for the commercial thing, it is pretty annoying, but I’m happy that I’m starting to see more commercials with kids products focus on dads instead of just moms (I just saw a Gogurt commercial do it). I actually used… Read more »
“we have gone too far in portraying all women as flawless superheros and all men as fat, impotent befuddled losers who need a woman’s help just to survive the day!”
Agreed.
Is anyone else out there tired of seeing only men without chest hair used to represent maculinity on this site? I’m not saying that having chest hair is more masculine than not. It’s not. But, chest hair does happen once in a while. Enough with the Abercrombie & Fitch aesthetic already.
LOL LOL
Aya
Its not that that group are way too prominent, its that a minority are cherry picked and made prominent by a certain other group.
We should remind the women and feminists on this site that when we get angry or call names, we’re no better than the bitter part of the men’s right’s movement that doesn’t really do anything but get angry at the sluts and whores that wronged them (it’s not the whole movement, just waaaay too prominent). A good way to look at these ideas is that we shouldn’t judge or write off ‘typical’ masculinity the same way that we don’t want men or other feminists to look at stereotypical female roles as inferior. As long as no one forces a role… Read more »
Aya
Its no that that group are way too prominent, its that that minority are cherry picked and made prominent by a certain other group.
What I don’t get is all the hate. Women, just because Tom believes we need to encourage men to be men, it doesn’t mean women are going back to tthe kitchen, or should expect to be treated like second-class citizens.
What it boils down to is the fact that nobody has ever raised themselves by pushing others down.
Except feminists.
I find it interesting that when men outline their positions on gender issues, they are simply men defending men, however, when women outline their own contributions – not to discredit or take away from mens’ contributions, but to ensure that their own contributions as a gender are equally recognized- they are labeled “feminists.” Does a woman have to be a “feminist” (whatever that means) in order to simply want her gender’s contributions to be fairly and equally considered?
Also, the only reason King even sold Carrie is because his wife fished it from the trashcan and encourage him to keep writing it. “Behind every great man is a great woman” is definitely true in this case. King HATED Carrie, but his wife saw the potential, and it takes a keen artistic eye to know talent. Don’t believe me? Read Stephen King’s “On Writing.” The whole story is in there.
I seriously just want to add that a woman invented kevlar, the metal that protects the soldiers fighting our wars. Without that kevlar, A LOT more people would be dead, so to imply women haven’t contributed as much as men is laughable. Women have contributed A LOT more than history wants to let on. If you actually do your research, it’s rather eye opening all the important contributions women have made. Women have also invented farming, perhaps THE most important invention in history because it has allowed us to move from a nomadic society to a society that can stay… Read more »
Wow. Were you there when women invented farming? Did they come up with farming as a group? Or did one woman suddenly have an epiphany back in the stone age?
Women invented the windshield wiper too,
I have no problem saying that women have contributed equally to everything good in society. As long as women are prepared to admit that they have contributed equally to everything bad as well. Kevlar is a great example. It has made going to war somewhat safer for those who wear it. It therefore also allows the wearer the opportunity to kill more people, whether the wearer is a soldier or a vigilante or both. The women who inspired the Rosie the Riveter icon made bombs that were then used to save American lives and also kill women and children. If… Read more »