Jeremy Meyers thinks it’s time for men to decide who they are, not let society decide for them.
—-
Lately I’ve been spending some time thinking about all the ways in which I am not what society expects me to be.
I am smart, wise and curious, but I do not have a college education.
I am industrious and skilled in many areas, but I have not had a full-time job since 2011, and I am not interested in finding one.
I am male, straight and a feminist in a committed long-term relationship, but some of my views and activities do not fit squarely into any of those labels (for instance, we are not married and I don’t think of a marriage certificate as an essential part of what makes for a happy life.)
In many ways I am not living according to the expected plan, the treadmill. The ‘be born-go to school-go to college-get a job-meet a girl-move in-get married-buy a house-have kids-retire-wait to die’ treadmill.
In the past, there have been aspects of it that have bothered me.
I’ve had an underlying critical voice that pokes at me that I should be doing something more important with my time, that I’m just putzing around and wasting my life away. It tells me that not spending time either looking for a job or ‘being entrepreneurial’ and Getting Things Done is somehow wasteful and will lead to regrets later in life.
And then recently… holy fuck! I don’t have to live up to others expectations of what my life should be. I don’t have to give away my power to whatever I’m “supposed” to be doing. I can be a feminist and also enjoy checking out girls in yoga pants (respectfully, of course). I can build my own life, make my own rules.
Sometimes I will be uncomfortable, when my values and the values of the world at large come into conflict, be it individually or as part of a couple or as part of a social group or a political party or anything else.
But, you know what?
There are worse things than being uncomfortable.
This is my declaration of independence from feeling bad about not being who the world expects me to be, or living up to some imagined standard of ‘normal’.
Fuck normal. What an imaginary nonsense concept solely dedicated to making us feel like we’re doing something wrong pretty much no matter what.
Fuck “but you’re so smart, why don’t you just commit to something”.
Fuck “So, any wedding bells in your future?”
Fuck “You’re so interested in human behavior, why don’t you go to school for psychology or something?”
Fuck pushing myself toward making other people more comfortable with my life.
It’s better for me to embrace the freedom and awesomeness that is me right now than worry about not living up to some standard for how things are supposed to work in the name of being more normal.
This rocks.
Come with me.
_
This was originally published on Jeremy’s personal blog.
In Japan is a growing movement of “grass eating” men who shun marriage and the 70 hour
work weeks of their paren’ts generation. There is also Men Going Their Own Way, or MGTOW
that also rejects society’s expectations to be an appliance, ATM or cannon fodder. An outgrowth
of this is the Zeta Male who refuses to do anything just because “he is the man.”
Hmmm…. Fuck yes and Fuck no. By annoucing your allegiance to feminism you are conforming to someone elses’ worldview.The source of the conformity is neither here nor there.Obviously,you have simply chosen to conform to something you like while rejecting that which you don’t like.I mean…. your perspective,fuck the man as it were,has been done before.In the sixties the folks who called themselves hippies said it.Before that they were called the beat generation. Eventually,they took a shit,took a shower,got a shave, a haircut and blended back into society.It all sounds pretty normal to me and is not the least bit unusual… Read more »
Sometimes society invents good things. Learn about them and use them if they work for you. Invent the rest for yourself. 🙂
One of the best. I liked it because, ironically, I am not living the life the way I want it to be..because I wanted to be normal. Happy to see someone is bold enough to follow their will .
Because of “You” is a person that society doesn’t like then “you” is going to have a crap existence because society won’t let you get a foot in the door without jumping through the right hoops first.
“me” is a lazy layabout who just wants to drink beer and play D&D and fantasize about Kat Dennings.. not exactly going to accomplish a whole lot.. so I strive to be more than that.
Transcend your facticity yo!