“When my friend Kirby Puckett passed away unexpectedly. He was coming to visit and play golf and get together. He was a great guy. When I heard he had a stroke and passed away…He’s just one of the best human beings that people would know. He was a lot of fun, he was a friend to so many people. And besides being teammates and all that, we were fishing buddies.”
Dave Winfield, baseball Hall of Famer
“I was in the front seat of the car, facing west toward the sun. I had been watching my niece all day. We had gone swimming—I had taught her how earlier in the summer. I looked into the rearview mirror to check on her and with a smile she met my gaze and spoke. “I love you, Uncle.” On the car ride back home, tears caught the lashes of my eyes for a moment. It was the first time in a long while that I had cried.”
Silas Forster, sales associate
“I honestly can’t remember the last time I cried. I used to cry fairly often, for no reason. Well, depression was the reason. Antidepressants, thank God, have mostly kept me from reaching that low for the past decade. But there have been times when I almost cried, when I wanted to cry, when tears welled up behind my eyes—at the funeral of my uncle, at the birth of my son—but the gates wouldn’t open.”
Jonathan Lesser, journalist
“I cried for three hours last year after my wife found out that I had cheated on her, for the umpteenth time, with a prostitute. It was hard to figure out exactly why I was crying. Was I crying over the pain I’d caused her? Was I crying over the man I’d become? Was I crying over the fear of losing her? Were my tears selfish? Was I capable of feeling true empathy for my wife? I didn’t know. I still don’t know.”
Anonymous
“I can get tears in my eyes from a beautiful work of art. I get pretty emotional around the time of my mother’s death, so I probably cried around then, just a month or so ago.”
Nick Flynn, author (Nick’s mother committed suicide when he was 22. He’s 49 now.)
“The last really good cry I had was the night Barack Obama was elected president. I was overwhelmed by what it meant about the country, socially.”
Tom Jolly, journalist
“When I told my company about a fellow Marine friend who died in combat fighting for all of us. God, it felt good (to share my pain).”
John “Jay” Rogers, Marine
“The last time I cried I was drunk and stoned and watching an early season of The Simpsons. I laughed so hard I cried.”
Anonymous
“The last time I cried was when a caller to my radio show recounted her experience at being put into an antigay academy when she was in high school because her mother believed it would turn her straight. The emotional toll was powerful, and she thought of suicide several times, as she recounted how she was ridiculed in that school. I often tear up when people call the show and tell their stories of struggles. It makes me wonder how many more are out there who won’t ever call and are still dealing with the pain.”
Michelangelo Signorile, radio host
“When I was a child. Crying doesn’t fix the problems; action does, and I haven’t found a need to cry when I’m ‘doing.’”
Dr. Dennis Neder, author
“I had a method for never marrying, then I met Michele, and as our time together passed, the only flaw revealed was mine, my fear of commitment. We decided to make a new life out west. I sipped tequila in the backyard under the dense canopy of East Coast foliage I’d been under my entire youth. My life, my dreams all based on being in or near New York, were ending. I found myself on my knees on the patio, tears running down my cheeks, then hot snot over my mouth and chin. It went on for a long time, till I had no more. It was the best damn cry I’ve ever had.”
Barney Moran, Daddy Boot Camp instructor
“When Aaron’s new school recently held a social activity for fathers and sons, every so often I’d reach up and squeeze his shoulder or rub his back, or ask him how many doughnuts he’d eaten. When it was time for me to go, Aaron said, “Bye,” and I brushed a bit of chocolate from his face, still soft and as smooth as frosting. A minute later he was off to class, and I stepped outside into the California winter sun. My eyes welled up and my chest heaved. I made a point of looking up into the sun as I passed them. Looking into the sun brings tears sometimes. I didn’t really let go until I got into my car.”
Jeffrey K. Wallace, professor and author
“It doesn’t make much sense now. As you get older, I’m telling you, the feminine side really comes out. I can watch kids with their dads. The smallest of things now bring out that sensitive side in me that we all have in us.”
Ozzie Smith, baseball Hall of Famer
“I have an odd relationship with my lacrimal glands. I rarely cry in response to events going on in my own life, but might just easily blubber up when watching some ridiculous movie, like ‘Drumline’ (when Nick Cannon shows his high school diploma to his deadbeat dad and notes that he graduated without any help from his sorry ass). That changed recently when a friend from college passed away. We had lost touch, and he had his troubles, but I’m now 45, and he was the only college-era friend I’ve had who died, and it hit me hard.”
Lance Gould, journalist
i cried two weeks ago at brian mays rendition of love of my life at the albert hall,a song classicly sung by freddie mercury at queen concerts……..
My most recent really big cry was about 2 weeks ago at the end of the movie Fearless. Jeff Bridges stars as a plane crash survivor struggling to come to terms with his experience, with his relationship to others, and with himself in the aftermath of the disaster. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more accurate representation of living with, and moving through, the effects of trauma, shock, and dissociation. I’ve certainly never seen one that moved me as much as this film did. As a survivor myself (not of a plane crash, but of childhood abuse), it was… Read more »
Placed flowers at the cemetary on Mother’s Day. Hard to believe this is the 3rd Mother’s Day since we lost Mom. Especially hard since I’m a Dad now and there are so many times I’d like to ask her about parenting stuff. Really breaks my heart that she never got to know her only grandson.
Thank you for sharing these stories.
Some of the comments saying women would disdain men who were crying really bothered me. Men have just as many emotions as women and it’s unfair to pressure them not to express those emotions. I remember my dad crying when I left for college, and he’s not the least bit ashamed of it — as he shouldn’t be.
Seeing a man cry is indeed hard, but i have always felt deeply honored if a man trusted me enough to cry in front of me. Seeing one of my boyfriends bawling in a fetal position after his grandma (who raised him) died, totally crushed me. He was so vulnerable.
I’m so sorry for the men out there whose wives (or others) make them feel weak for crying.
There are some women who find it wonderful.
Just now. after reading Julian’s lost in the museum story and re reading these posts. I find myself like this much these days as the final legal dissolution of my marriage takes place. Suffering and also succeeding in the face of some depression over the years, my wife definitely had the “suck it up” mentality. I rarely cried before, tending to brood instead, now the tears flow frequently and copiously and always when thinking of my son who is just old enough to know that his dad isn’t there when he goes to sleep at night and isn’t there when… Read more »
I am crying right now. Reading all these posts. Its a beautiful thing. Blessings and tears to all.
Randy, I’m sorry that your wife has those huge judgements about you crying! It sounds like they are HER judgements, not yours. It’s still your choice. If you don’t feel safe enough to cry with her around, please do yourself a favor and allow yourself that wonderful freedom when you’re alone. As I mentioned, after years of ‘work’, I am now quite Proud of myself for letting myself cry. It makes me feel honest, and real, and alive… and I always feel sooo much better after. “Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don’t know… Read more »
At 6’2″ 225, 5 years in the Marines, nearly 30 years of Martial Arts, and a stint in the gulf during Desert Storm, I didn’t even cry when I returned home to face my entire life turned topsy-turvy. Growing up without a father, I cried a lot as a confused young man, afraid to stand up for himself; despite the many years of martial arts. One of the first things I learned in boot camp is how to shut down my emotions, because the guy next to you could get his head blown off at any second. After so many… Read more »
Upon crying when pushed to my emotional limit by our marriage counsellor a few months ago, my wife’s response was, and I quote, “Quit being such a pussy.” Stuffing back my emotions is not a choice; it is what is expected of me as a man. Crying is seen as a sign of weakness by our peers, potential mates, current mates, past mates, parents, children and passing strangers. The difference is that men are expected to “do” and women are expected to “care.” The only time my wife saw me cry before that was when her cat of 16 years… Read more »
I cried last when I read the post about Ulee. I have been contemplating this same event as my little 14 year old friend Jax gets older and older. I don’t know if I have the courage to take his life away. I think I am hoping for natural intervention. It will be impossible to manage however it happens.
Another good article! You are not alive if you don’t cry – that is the conclusion I have come to after almost 20 years of stuffing it. And that is what men are doing by stuffing it and pretending that they are angry (I like what Matt P wrote) – slowly killing themselves. I cried this morning thinking about my father who died fifteen years ago. Crying does not have to be a big dramatic production. It can simply be a spontaneous response to sadness, joy, or any other number of life experiences. As a woman I knew some time… Read more »
What a wonderful question to ask and what brave answers you received. Of course some tug at our hearts more than others. But more importantly, the variety of reasons and experiences was so refreshing. Men DO get a bad rap when it comes to crying. Honestly, I don’t know how they hold it in so long.
I didn’t cry for 35 years, not once. But a traumatic experience a year ago sent me on a 6-month jag. Often, I had no idea why. It would hit me like a sucker punch. A long year on numerous couches have brought me closer in touch with myself (sorry, but that’s a fact), and now I can at least connect my crying with feelings. What a relief. The last time? This morning. A woman on NPR was describing saying goodbye to her college freshman then seeing parents on the street yelling at their kids and thinking ‘no, don’t do… Read more »
Hi. Good question… and an important one! Men do anger, rather than tears. Women do tears, instead of anger… neither are ‘real’ and therefore dishonest. I teach Emotional Intelligence and try to walk my talk, so I cry pretty often… and I’m proud of that. I cried yesterday when my granddaughter said some mean things to her sister, then lied to me about it. I coulda been angry, but instead the tears were more honest and more powerful for her to see what it does to me/her. Please take the judgement off of crying, guys. Crying is real, it’s healthy,… Read more »
Hello Matt, I have to disagree with you, based on my own experiences. Women in my family were taught never to cry. My mother upheld every dry-eyed moment that women exhibited on TV, in church, any public place. That said, this emotional damming is every bit as harmful to women as it is to men. There is nothing natural about it, nor even human. I am very glad to hear that you are “walking your talk.” It has taken me many, many years to let go of the anger and allow myself to cry. I am very glad for every… Read more »
“When our team lost and missed an opportunity to play for an NCAA tournament berth. To spend four years driving towards a chance at immortality—knowing you can hang a championship banner and to have it end otherwise—is both exhilarating and exhausting. They were tears of gratitude for the work of our program more than disappointment.”
—Steve Scalzi, director of basketball operations at Northeastern University
“I cried tonight as I said goodbye to my father in-law, Jack Ellis. I also cried tonight when I looked in on my daughter and son sleeping sweetly.”
—John Badalament, Modern Dads
“I cried yesterday when my son arrived home safely from Nigeria. He was, for three weeks, training doctors on how to improve their response to disasters and emergencies.”
—Bern Cohen, actor
Thanks Suzanne. I think as a guy, the idea of men crying too is the kind of thing that is very hard and also very profound. I think of guys like John Oliver, who I have known since he was married, serving in Iraq and surviving all that death only to come home to lose his daughter … and spending years trying to learn how to cry for her loss. That to me is at the heart of where we are as men and the truth of who we aspire to be.
What an evocative question with heart-tugging answers, many of which of course made me cry or called up similar experiences that made me cry harder. I know. I know. I’m a woman, but for some reason watching men with their sons often makes me cry. Any men. Any sons. I had to take a reading break because this story reminded me (and compelled big, ploppy tears) of our 8year old son singing “Somewhere Out There” with his dad in a century old church on a tiny Island in the 1980s and how I cried so hard I had to step… Read more »