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Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.
People who hadn’t seen him in a while started to notice that he felt very peaceful. They remarked, “You have an amazing energy right now. What have you been doing?” It was fascinating because he wasn’t the one describing his peace. Instead, the way he showed up to that meeting made those around him wonder what had changed.
Hey everyone! Welcome to the YouTube edition of my podcast, *Love Life*. Today, we will discuss Trent Shelton’s new book, *Protect Your Peace*, and I will share some valuable lessons I’ve learned from it. I’ve outlined seven principles to help you protect your peace in love and life because I know many of you searching for love feel that the quest is either robbing you of your peace or has already done so. I believe this episode will be incredibly helpful for many of you, and I’m excited for you to hear it.
By the way, if you want something tangible to help you create opportunities and get results in your love life right now, my free masterclass, *Dating with Results*, is available for you to watch at datingwithresults.com. This hour-long session can truly change your love life. So, if you get a chance today, or tomorrow if today is too busy, please go check it out. It’s completely free, and it’s the most popular free masterclass I’ve ever released in the 17 years I’ve been doing this.
Protect Your Energy
Let’s delve into our first principle. One of the points Trent makes in the book is about identifying who and what is draining your energy. This idea comes from a section he titles “Protect Your Energy.”
You may already know there are certain things in your life that routinely drain you. It could be social media, or perhaps daily habits that are non-essential but you do them habitually. It might also involve saying yes to things out of a need to please others, or spending time with people who are not adding value to your life.
I can recall moments when I realized that a particular person I had considered a friend often left me feeling worse after our encounters. Eventually, I decided, “I don’t want to hang out with this person anymore. This relationship isn’t adding anything valuable to my life.”
Of course, not every relationship is about adding value, but there are situations where you might feel like you’re giving a lot and not receiving anything in return. If someone consistently brings negativity or insecurity into your life, you need to evaluate that.
Ask yourself: what are you currently doing or who are you spending time with that isn’t adding value to your life? Be honest about this. Many people experience burnout in dating because they fail to manage their energy properly and distribute it wisely. Much of dating success hinges on energy management.
Where are you leaking energy into the wrong places? If you keep giving your energy to the wrong people, you will have less available for the right ones.
One of my favorite little poems goes:
“For all your days prepare, and meet them ever alike.
When you’re the anvil, bear; when you’re the hammer, strike.”
Much of dating is about energy management. If you burn out by spending time on the wrong people, you’ll never find love. But if you reserve your energy for the right people by avoiding the wrong ones, your chances of success will greatly increase.
Protect Your Mind
The second principle I want to share from Trent’s book comes from the question: whose approval do you need to stop seeking? He discusses this under the section titled “Protect Your Mind.”
This is incredibly relevant for anyone looking to maintain their peace. We often seek approval from those who may not respect us or who aren’t investing in our lives. Sometimes, we look for acceptance from friends, parents, or colleagues who may not have our best interests at heart.
Trent makes a great point when he talks about having a vision for your life. It’s like wearing prescription glasses made specifically for you. If you try to share that prescription with someone else, they’ll likely struggle to see clearly. Your vision is unique and special.
There have been times in my life when I’ve sought too much feedback and lost trust in my instincts. Ever been in a situation where you hesitated to pursue a person because they weren’t your usual type and felt the need to ask everyone else’s opinion?
I remember preparing for a significant event back in 2019. I was going on tour across numerous cities. I had developed a bit about how our conscious mind can mislead us in bad relationships. I described our subconscious as a SWAT team that needed to intervene in our relationships. When I shared this concept, a couple of people I trusted reacted negatively, laboring under the misconception that it wouldn’t work.
However, I believed in my idea and chose to stick with it, ultimately delivering one of the funniest moments of the show. Reflecting on that experience, I was thankful I listened to my instincts rather than sought external validation.
Trent advises us to share our vision by living it. He emphasizes “less announcements, more achievements,” which means we don’t have to explain our vision to everyone. We can let the results of our actions speak for themselves.
I recall attending a meeting with my friend Lewis. He had been working on his personal growth for years, and when others noticed his peaceful energy, they asked him what he had been doing. Lewis had not been vocal about his process; simply showing up radiated positivity. Isn’t it great to shift the focus from convincing people to simply being?
Sometimes, there’s the challenge of the “Too Close Bias.” This refers to those who know us well yet struggle to see our growth because they are married to our past selves. Ironically, a perfect stranger might be more supportive of your aspirations than someone who has known you your entire life.
To protect your peace, understand what matters most to you, share it with the right people, or simply live it and demonstrate the results.
Remember Unanswered Prayers
The third principle focuses on the gift of unanswered prayers, where Trent discusses how any rejection signifies that it wasn’t meant for you. He emphasizes caring less about who isn’t into you and more about those who are.
This concept can be applied to both life and love. Think about it—what if you focused on those who give you the time of day, the friends who support you? Rejections often feel painful, but they can be blessings in disguise.
Reflect for a moment: is there someone in your life you thought you desperately wanted but now realize you dodged a bullet? I remember when I participated in a TV show called *Ready for Love*. It aired for only three episodes before being shelved. At the time, it felt disappointing, but looking back, I’m grateful.
Had the show succeeded, I would have received attention I wasn’t ready for. It would have led to potential negative consequences I was fortunate to avoid.
Consider the rejections and heartbreaks you’re currently facing. In five years, you may look back and say, “Thank goodness that person didn’t text me back!” Trust that there’s a higher plan at play.
Be Solution-Minded
The fourth principle is to be solution-minded. I love this because it’s a lesson I find myself revisiting every week. My life is filled with challenges, both personally and professionally.
When things go wrong, my natural inclination can lean toward anxiety. If I don’t manage my state, I can spiral into anxiety. However, I’ve learned to adopt a solution-based mindset. Anxiety often paralyzes action, making it the opposite of finding solutions.
Every time something goes wrong, remind yourself there’s a response or action you can take that might not only dissolve the anxiety but improve your situation. Nancy Pelosi once said, “Everything is an opportunity.”
For example, during a podcast recording with Trent, we experienced a tech malfunction that erased the entire session we’d just recorded. Initially, I felt anxious about disappointing Trent, but then I decided to view it as an opportunity.
Instead of dwelling on the problem, I thought about how I could dig deeper into the content, go through the book in detail, and craft something valuable for everyone. This shift in perspective helped dissolve my anxiety.
Remember, you can work your way out of anxiety and create opportunities from challenges. And if you feel you’ve made a mistake in your love life—maybe said something awkward or had an argument—ask for advice. Reach out to Matthew AI, who can guide you toward proactive solutions instead of getting stuck in worry.
Choose to Heal
The fifth principle for protecting your peace in love and life is to choose to heal. Trent discusses the profound impact of his mother’s passing and how he ultimately had to make the choice to heal.
This choice to heal is poignant. I support many people dealing with heartbreak, trauma, or difficult emotions. We must confront our grief instead of burying our heads in the sand, as one path leads to progress while the other perpetuates a cycle of pain.
Consider how many people say they want to heal but still entertain unhealthy relationships. They might text back or stalk an ex’s social media. This behavior keeps reopening wounds and hinders healing.
If you desire more peace, think about where you need to actively choose to heal. What practical steps can you take? Perhaps you need to block someone, stop responding to them, or get rid of reminders of that person.
What would true healing look like? What choices can you make to foster that?
Create Simple Happiness
The sixth principle is to create simple happiness in your life. Trent invites us to consider what simple activities can link us back to happiness.
Think about the phone calls you can make, the activities you enjoy, and the people important to you. What can you reintroduce into your week that nourishes your happiness?
This focus on simplicity is crucial. It’s not about waiting for some grand milestone before you can be happy. I have a habit of writing down a few things I’m grateful for each morning.
This weekend, I plan to take my brother Steven to Universal Studios for his birthday. I’m thrilled to see his reaction as he experiences Mario World for the first time.
Connecting to these simple joys brings happiness into our busy lives. Rather than focusing solely on how much one has to do, reflect on the little things that spark joy.
What’s Right for You
The final principle is to think about what’s right for you right now. The two key components of this sentence are “you” and “now.” No one else can determine what’s right for you; it’s about your personal truth at this moment in time.
Many people carry blueprints from previous life chapters and don’t reassess what their current needs are. Have your requirements changed? Are you holding on to outdated ideas? Instead, tune into what feels right for you now.
This practice ties into shedding societal and familial expectations. It’s about understanding what brings you peace, even if it contradicts what others believe.
When everyone around you appears to be working hard, you might instinctively feel pressured to do the same, while, in reality, you might need to take a step back.
What does “good enough” look like today? Embrace the notion that it’s okay to release perfection and just be present. Setting those expectations down can significantly restore peace in your life.
If you’re unsure what makes you feel good, pay attention to your moments of relief. Those times when something resonates or when you feel at peace can guide you toward what feels right.
Thank you so much for listening! I truly appreciate you being here with me on the *Love Life* podcast. Let me know your thoughts on this episode at [email protected].
Be sure to pick up a copy of Trent’s book, *Protect Your Peace: 9 Unapologetic Principles for Thriving in a Chaotic World*. I look forward to seeing you next time on the *Love Life* podcast. Be well, my friends, and love life!
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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