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Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.
When People Don’t Ask Questions on Dates
No, because I actually did this, and after the first date, I was left feeling unsure if this guy was into me. Today, we are going to talk about the phenomenon of people not asking questions on dates. It’s frustrating, it happens often, and I’ll share what you can do about it.
I am Matthew Hussey, the author of the brand new book “Love Life,” a New York Times bestseller. I’ve been helping people with relational intelligence and confidence for 17 years, and I’ve assisted many in finding love. Welcome to the channel! Don’t forget to like this video, subscribe, and hit the notification bell so you’ll be notified when I release new content.
The Lack of Curiosity
Recently, I watched a TikTok video featuring someone who expressed frustration with the lack of curiosity from her date. Let’s take a look at what she had to say.
She mentioned that while going on a first date, she felt like she was doing a great job of engaging by asking questions and showing interest. However, the person sitting across from her didn’t ask her a single question. Have any of you experienced this? It’s undoubtedly a frustration when someone is literally across from you, and you feel like you’re carrying the conversation alone.
Ultimately, a date should allow two people to get to know each other to determine if they want to see one another again.
The Second Date Experience
She agreed to go on a second date, despite feeling unsure about his interest. Her best friend advised her that during moments of silence, she should learn to pause and take a sip of water, allowing him the opportunity to fill that silence with questions. This is not bad advice. Sometimes, we might be talking too much and not creating the space for the other person to engage.
If you relate to being a people pleaser who feels awkward easily, you may have a tendency to fill any silence that occurs. This can leave you feeling exhausted, as you realize that the other person isn’t reciprocating your curiosity.
Observations on Communication
On the second date, they sat in silence for five minutes. She noticed that her date mentioned having a great time, but she questioned whether they had truly shared the same experience. He may have enjoyed talking about himself the entire time, which is a common behavior.
We all have different communication styles. It’s essential to determine if someone is self-absorbed or simply has a different way of engaging. If their awkwardness manifests as never asking questions, while yours is to ask many, that’s an important distinction.
We can get better at expressing our expectations in a playful, non-combative way. For instance, you might say, “I’ve asked so many questions about you. What do you want to know about me?” This offers them the chance to engage without making it feel like a confrontation.
Taking the Opportunity
If you’ve asked questions and still feel that your date isn’t interested in you, it’s a signal to take responsibility. If they are willing to share about themselves openly, you can reciprocate by taking the microphone and engaging them in conversation.
A conversation is an exchange—not just a series of questions. When they talk, take time to express how their story relates to your experiences, making it a dialogue rather than a monologue. If they seem uninterested when you share, that is also a clue.
Addressing the Issue
It’s vital to recognize if you’re consistently feeling unfulfilled because your partner doesn’t ask about your life. This imbalance should not be overlooked. Consider saying, “Is now a good time to talk? I’ve been thinking about something that’s been on my mind.”
By creating a space for dialogue, you can express your feelings without ambushing or jumping into criticism. You might say, “I love getting to know you, and I’ve realized I ask a lot of questions. I don’t think you do the same, and it makes me feel like you’re not interested in me.”
Opening Up Communication
This conversation allows you to address something that’s bothering you without putting your partner on the defensive. It’s about raising awareness of your needs while extending the benefit of the doubt. They might not even realize how their behavior is affecting you.
Ultimately, this video isn’t just about who’s right or wrong; it’s about understanding the differences in communication styles. The goal is for both you and your partner to begin adapting your styles to meet each other’s needs, especially because you value the relationship.
Final Thoughts
If it feels too early for a heavy conversation, reaching out after earlier dates is always an option. You can say, “Hey, I hope you’re well! I enjoyed our time together.” Then, share your feelings honestly, while emphasizing that you find them attractive and fun.
Having this conversation takes bravery, but when you’re at the stage of feeling unfulfilled, what do you have to lose? You don’t want to keep dating someone who isn’t showing you the curiosity you deserve.
If they respond positively, it shows that they’re willing to adjust. If they react negatively, you’ll have further insight into whether this relationship serves your needs.
Key Takeaways
I hope this encourages you to realize you’re not alone in these experiences. Empower yourself on dates—you don’t have to wait for someone else to give you the microphone; take it yourself. Communicating your standards early on can be done playfully. And, remember, while you can share your feelings and concerns without making anyone feel like a bad person, it’s vital to bring attention to what’s bothering you.
If you have a question you’d like me to explore in a future video, don’t hesitate to ask Matthew AI at askmh.com. Thank you for watching, and be well, friends. Love life!
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
Blog → https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/ Facebook → https://facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/thematthewh… Twitter → https://twitter.com/matthewhussey ▼ Connect with Stephen ▼ Youtube → https://bit.ly/StephenHusseyYoutube Instagram → http://bit.ly/StephenHusseyIG
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