When Women Make the First Move

I am kind of a self-taught expert on relationships and dating.

It wasn’t always this way. Especially when I first got divorced and was looking for love again.

I had to learn the hard way.

Why you ask?

Because most of the dating advice out there is really bad, involves playing games, manipulating men, and doesn’t get you the results you’re looking for.

I tried to learn and follow a lot of the popular dating advice put there, just to fall flat on my face, still with no relationship or even a casual situatuonship. Alone and still single.

So….

I came up with my own dating strategy.

Which was – if I was interested in a man, I made it known to him and put myself of there.

Which was contrary to all of the dating advice for women I had seen.

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You become good at something through practice as well as trial and error, not always innate ability.

I had no dating skills whatsoever. Like zero. I had no game. Online dating wasn’t a thing when I was dating. You mainly went out with people you met in real life at school or friends of friends.

My now partner reminds me how I made every mistake in the book on our first date.

But had I not made the first move, we might have never gone out at all. He was and still is a severe introvert and talking to people is not exactly in his comfort zone.

I was rather bad at dating I will say. He had been single awhile so he had been on a lot of dates. He was ready to give up dating and said dating was a waste of time and money as many women were just looking for a free dinner and night out and nothing serious.

With me on our first couple of dates it was different. I did all the wrong things and said things a bit too honestly. Well at least he knew what he was getting himself into. It was obvious I wasn’t a serial dater and had not a clue what I was doing when it came to dating.

But I did learn. Eventually.

Bad dating advice anyone ?

When I was first getting out there in the dating field, I looked into getting some dating advice from what was out there. I read, researched, watched YouTube videos from various dating and relationship coaches.

Some of the dating advice out there is not always the best. It can be overly generalized and doesn’t apply to every situation. It also doesn’t take into consideration that we are all so different in our personalities.

One size does not fit all when you are trying to apply dating advice to everyone in the same way.

Most dating advice for women sort of goes like this:

Let the man make the first move. Always.
Don’t chase ever
Pretend you’re not interested whatsoever and play hard to get
If he calls and asks you out on short notice never accept and tell him you’re busy even if you’re not
Date a bunch of guys at once so he knows there’s competition and you have many options

I’m not sure if this type of advice actually works for anyone.

If it does, good for you but it sounds ridiculous to me and what you would do if you were still in High School.

Dating over 40

Now that I’ve reached a more, well, seasoned age, I’m done with the game playing and strategizing.

I don’t really want to deal with time wasters who don’t know what they want. And I think a good majority of women feel the same.

So…

If I’m potentially interested in someone, I make the first move.

If it’s in person, you can strike up a conversation with a casual, witty comment. Or if it’s on a dating site, then you can swipe on the guy, have some witty banter and then be direct about it and see if they want to go out. Also, it quickly gets rid of anyone who’s merely on there to be your pen pal.

It’s simple really when you decide make the first move.

If you like me, great.

If you don’t, that’s fine too.

This goes against everything woman are usually told.

Never ever make the first move, make him to come to you.

Sorry, but that does not usually work if you’re over 40.

Why men love it when women make the first move

Many guys have been hurt and really burned by their exes and screwed over in a divorce settlements. Their ex-wives may have made them feel like trash, unworthy, or maybe not have had intimacy with them for years.

For some, their self esteem is at a low. They might even think they’re undesirable and no woman would ever want them. Their ex may have even told them this, and after being rejected on the dating scene for awhile they may have started to believe it.

So, when a woman shows interest and makes the first move, men love it!

I think that’s why the dating app Bumble is so popular. Women get to choose potential matches on the app and men love it because the woman is initiating and showing they have interest in potentially dating.

Men have to deal with so many women rejecting them and being rude or wondering if women are going to take it the wrong way by approaching them.

So ladies, even though it goes against the dating advice out there, if you like a man and want him to ask you out, why not go for it?

You’ll be happy you did!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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