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Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.
Introducing Ramit Sethi
Hey everybody, welcome back to the Love Life podcast with me, Matthew Hussey. Today’s episode is really special. I’m bringing you world-renowned money expert and my friend, Ramit Sethi, author of the New York Times bestselling book *I Will Teach You to Be Rich*. He is also the host of the massively popular podcast, *I Will Teach You to Be Rich*, and had a top 10 Netflix show, *How to Get Rich*. I can’t wait for you to hear from him!
Important Money Conversations
In this episode, we discuss important topics such as red flags in dating related to finances, who should pay, and how financial pressures evolve in relationships. We also talk about how to avoid leaving yourself financially exposed while in a relationship with someone. Additionally, we discuss what to do when you earn more than your partner, as well as how to navigate situations where your financial success might intimidate potential partners.
Whether you’re single, coupled, or married, there are valuable insights here that can benefit everyone at every stage of life. This conversation should be essential listening, so strap in and enjoy this episode with Ramit.
Red Flags in Relationships
It’s good to see you, man!
Great to see you! This is going to be fun.
I always enjoy when we get to come together like this. I don’t think we’ve ever done it with Audrey here as well, have we?
No, we haven’t. This is going to add a fun layer! Audrey, how are you doing?
I’m good! When we found out your book was all about relationships and money, Matt was like, “You have to be in this conversation!”
I’m excited for Audrey to have a front-row seat to some classic Ramit rants.
I’m just a teddy bear; I don’t know what you’re talking about! If you come on the Love Life podcast and don’t give us some sort of mildly offensive Ramit rant, I’ll be annoyed.
By the end of this conversation, one of you is going to be crying, the other will have credit card bills in hand, lighting them on fire. I’ll be sitting back, eating popcorn, and watching the show.
And Audrey will stop ordering all those random beauty products from Instagram!
Uh-oh, here we go!
How many does she order, Matt?
As many as are advertised to her while she’s scrolling Instagram, without me looking over her shoulder!
Don’t worry, Audrey, I believe in spending extravagantly on the things you love and cutting ruthlessly on the things you don’t.
Let me tell you what she loves: an ice roller for your face!
I love my ice roller!
She has a portable one now that she can take with her because the original one is cumbersome for travel.
If there’s one thing I hate, it’s a cumbersome facial ice roller!
Financial Red Flags in Relationships
Ramit, let’s talk about financial red flags that should make you run in the other direction. Are there any major ones?
Absolutely. The number one financial red flag is a partner who refuses to talk about money. We can work with someone who has credit card debt or made a poor investment decision, but if your partner is unwilling to even discuss finances, that’s the ultimate red flag.
How soon should you talk about finances with someone you’re just getting to know?
The advice on this is all over the map. Some people encourage you to discuss finances on date one, and I’m like, have you ever been on a first date? I’m not trying to talk about my asset allocation while drinks are being served!
But early on, you can certainly get clues. For example, you might not want to ask, “How much money do you make?” on your third date, but you can ask about their upbringing and childhood activities. If they say, “We went to Aspen every winter to ski,” that suggests a wealthier background.
Clues matter! If they say, “My family took a road trip to L.A. to visit relatives,” that’s revealing too. Neither is strictly good or bad; it’s just information.
What other big red flags do you see in relationships?
If they’re cheap, that’s a red flag! I don’t mind if someone is thoughtful about their expenses or even frugal; that’s not bad. But if they make comments like, “Why would I ever spend money on that? That’s disgusting!”—that’s cheap. I can fix a lot of things, but I can’t fix cheap.
If they follow Robert Kiyosaki or Grant Cardone, that is a massive red flag. Seriously, you should just get up and walk away.
The Balancing Act in Financially Diverse Relationships
A lot of women are feeling like they intimidate men financially these days. They’re climbing the corporate ladder, owning companies, and achieving financial independence. In these situations, many women find that when they bring up their financial success, people often lose interest or feel intimidated.
What’s your take on this?
This is a real phenomenon. Young women in big cities are earning more than men in their 20s, which has never happened before in America. We don’t have a history or guidelines for how this plays out, so it’s essential to acknowledge it.
If you’ve worked hard, you shouldn’t have to apologize for your financial success. This theme of money being hidden in the shadows comes up in conversations about relationships.
Men are often conditioned to see themselves as providers. If they find themselves in a relationship where the woman earns more, they can feel stumped. They struggle with their identity when they’re not fulfilling this societal expectation.
Conversely, women who earn more may feel they need to shrink themselves to avoid intimidating potential partners.
Conversations around money must be open, not fraught with fear or discomfort. You can start by discussing backgrounds and gradually introduce financial topics.
For example, use key moments in a relationship, like planning a trip, as a pivot point. Frame discussions around expenses in a transparent way so that it feels less threatening.
The Power Dynamics of Money
In relationships, money often creates a power dynamic. If one partner earns significantly more than the other, it can feel like a shift in power.
How do you manage these perceptions in a relationship?
You’re right to notice that money often invisibly introduces this dynamic. People frequently perceive the higher earner as having more power. The challenge arises when one partner feels insecure about contribution—often around monetary value.
It’s crucial to refrain from allowing money to be the only measure of value in a relationship. There are numerous ways to contribute that don’t involve finances, such as love, support, and partnership in household management.
The key is to have open discussions and create a shared vision of a rich life together. Highlighting that you both contribute in different yet equally valuable ways can help balance the dynamic.
If you’re dating someone and notice they’re feeling insecure about your financial situation, what can you do to reassure them?
Focus on the positive aspects of the relationship. Highlight the things you appreciate about your partner, such as their loyalty and kindness, which are valuable attributes that contribute to the relationship beyond finances.
The dialogue around your financial realities should come from a place of reassurance, encouraging open discussion about your visions and aspirations together, rather than weighing every interaction based on monetary contribution.
Stay Connected and Communicative
Can we talk about how to have money conversations with friends or family who have a different perspective on spending? For example, if a friend never picks up the tab and takes advantage of your generosity, should you address this with them?
Most people don’t confront this issue directly, which leads to quiet resentment that can strain friendships over time. If you decide to bring it up, focus on how you feel, and express your perspective with kindness.
For instance, you might say, “I love spending time with you, but sometimes I feel like I’m picking up the check more often than not, and it leaves me feeling uncomfortable.” Express your feelings without attacking their character, opening the door to dialogue.
The Importance of a Balanced Financial Perspective
It’s vital to understand your own relationship with money and how it affects your friendships and romantic relationships. Acknowledge feelings of shame or embarrassment around finances and confront them with self-love and responsibility.
In many cases, individuals project their fears or insecurities onto others, leading to misunderstandings around their money behaviors.
Instead of allowing resentment to build, aim for compassionate conversations that promote understanding rather than judgments.
Introducing the Book *Money for Couples*
Let’s shift gears to your new book, *Money for Couples*. Can you tell us what motivated you to write it?
The book is designed to empower couples to have positive conversations about money. It includes word-for-word scripts for things like your first money conversation, how to set up your accounts, and how to know if you can afford a vacation or car.
In this book, I guide readers through understanding their own financial habits and their partner’s. I want readers to utilize money as a source of joy and adventure, rather than a point of contention.
Practical Tools and Financial Mindset
Ramit, can you share the key components of a practical debt payoff plan while still enjoying life?
You can live a rich life, even with debt—that’s essential to acknowledge. We can’t defer happiness for years while paying off debt. We should enjoy life today and strive for an even richer tomorrow.
Start by knowing your finances, including how much you owe and your debt payoff timeline. Next, master your money psychology, realizing that having debt doesn’t define your worth.
With a collaborative mindset, discuss mutual goals in your relationship. Reassure each other that you’re willing to work towards a shared vision of what a “rich life” means for both of you.
Embracing Money Conversations
As we wrap up, I just want to thank you for this enlightening conversation, Ramit. You’ve been a tremendous friend and a valuable mentor in navigating finances and relationships.
I appreciate it, Matt! It means a lot to share this with you and Audrey. Remember to check out my book and harness the joy that finance can bring into your life as a team.
Thank you for spending this time with us, and everyone should grab a copy of *Money for Couples*. It’s essential reading for any relationship!
[Music]
By the way, I have some exciting resources for those looking for love this year. Whether you’ve watched my videos for years or just started, my free training, *Dating with Results*, is highly popular and designed to help you find the loving relationship you desire. Check it out at datingwithresults.com, and start your year off right!
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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