If You’ve Never Been in a Relationship, Watch This

Here is a summary of the transcript from YouTube, slightly edited with AI.

A New Kind of Retreat

You know, it’s like all of a sudden it’s this big deal. And what that signals to someone else is, “You need to think about this as being a big deal.” But people are taking their cue from you.

Matthew:
Stephen, we’ve been very quiet this year. Haven’t left the house much. We’ve been very much bunkered.

Stephen:
Bunkered and hunkered.

Matthew:
Very strange phrase, but go on.

Stephen:
We’ve been bunkered and hunkered at home, heads down, working, staying in LA. I’m wondering if we have any fun trips coming up.

Matthew:
Are you talking about the little trip in October?

Stephen:
Oh—is it October? Where is that?

Matthew:
It’s in Miami.

Stephen:
Matthew Retreat?

Matthew:
Yes! The 2-day version—first time ever. It used to be 6 days, now it’s just 2. Much easier and more affordable to attend. Less time off work, easier to travel, and you can change your life in two days.

Stephen:
Am I going to work on my core confidence at that retreat?

Matthew:
Yes. You’ll have a better relationship with yourself by the end of it.

Stephen:
Am I going to deal with my unhealthy patterns?

Matthew:
There will be patterns you’ve had your whole life—fatal flaws even—that you’ll finally be able to shift.

Stephen:
And I’m a man. Can I come?

Matthew:
Yes! For the first time ever. We used to have only women, but now men can come in droves. If you’ve been watching our content, you’re officially invited.

Stephen:
Where do I get tickets?

Matthew:
Go to mhretreat.com. Early bird tickets are available right now—deeply discounted, but only for two more days.

Mary’s Story: Starting Fresh at 40

Mary:
Hi, my name is Mary. I’m 40 years old and have no dating experience. In my 20s and 30s, I just wasn’t interested in relationships. But now I’m looking for my person.

I struggle with seeing my lack of experience as a deficit, even though I know it’s not. How do I put myself out there and not let that hold me back from finding love and knowing my value?

Matthew:
Mary, thank you so much for your question. I have so many thoughts.

I hear the way you said, “I can’t help but see it as a deficit, which I know it isn’t.” That tells me there’s a story you’re telling yourself—that your lack of experience will lead to rejection or awkwardness or failure in love.

Part of you knows that’s not true, but the scared inner child still believes it is. You’re battling two conflicting narratives inside yourself.

You’re Not Alone

First, don’t put yourself in some “special case” category. We hear this all the time, from people of all ages—even older than you.

People say, “I’ve never had a real partner,” or, “I’ve never had sex—what does that mean for me now?” But your insecurity is exaggerating how far behind you are.

We all have relationship growth spurts at different times. And some people with a lot of relationship “experience” are just repeating the same patterns over and over. They’re not actually growing.

So when they do finally change something, their next relationship feels like their first real one. Just like it will for you.

Catching Up Is Easier Than You Think

And yes, sometimes people mean sexual experience. But here’s the thing: you can catch up on that surprisingly quickly. You’re not years behind—you’re a kind, communicative partner away from being exactly where others are.

You don’t need to be ashamed or afraid. What you do need is to find kind, compassionate people who don’t judge you—and that starts with you.

Reframe the Narrative

The way you tell your story changes how people receive it. If you say to yourself:

There’s real value in what I’ve done. I focused on other areas of life. I’ve avoided toxic relationships. And now, I get to start this chapter with a clean slate.

That’s exciting! That’s something to embrace, not hide.

You’re ready to love someone. You know what you want. You’ll be giving, loving, and thoughtful. And people will be happy to grow and learn with you.

The Joy of Firsts

You get to experience all of this for the first time. Most people wish they could feel that again.

That first feeling of falling in love, discovering someone deeply—that’s a beautiful thing. You’re not late. You’re just arriving with clarity and maturity.

How to Talk About It on Dates

You don’t have to lead with this on a date. We’re often too quick to make our biggest insecurity the headline.

Matthew shared a story: One woman worried about bringing up being a single mom. Another casually mentioned her daughter in a flirty comment about dimples—and it led to a great conversation and a date. Same life situation. Different framing.

So if someone asks, “When was your last relationship?” you can say:

My love life hasn’t really been a focus until now. I’ve done this and that, and now I’m excited to finally make space for it.

That’s fun. That’s light. That’s confident.

But if you say, “I’ve never had a relationship,” and it feels heavy, that sets the tone. People take their cue from you.

Dance with the Fear

Seth Godin says, “Can you dance with the fear?” Instead of seeing your story as something to hide in the closet, incorporate it. Make it part of your charm.

You have no baggage. No toxic exes. No hang-ups from the past. That’s a rare advantage!

Accept that part of yourself. Say, “This is my story, and I’m not ashamed of it.” If you own it, no one else can shame you for it. And if they do? They’re not your person.

The Bedroom and Beyond

People with lots of experience can still be terrible in bed. Experience doesn’t equal skill or care.

You’re not behind. And your next partner doesn’t have to be “the one.” You’re just building confidence and finding your rhythm. That’s why kindness matters so much in your next relationship.

It doesn’t have to be perfect. It can be awkward, imperfect, and beautiful in its own way—as long as it’s kind.

Ask Matthew AI for a Reframe

Stephen and Audrey:
Ask Matthew AI to help reframe a situation you think is holding you back from love.

Go to askmh.com and ask, “How could I start to see this as a positive? Help me get out of my own way.”

And don’t forget—early bird tickets for the MH Retreat are available for just two more days at mhretreat.com.

Thanks for listening to Love Life!
Email us at [email protected] if you have feedback or questions for future episodes. We love hearing from you and will see you next time.

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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