5 Early Signs You’re Dating a Cheater (That Most People Miss)

As someone who has dated multiple cheaters, I can confidently tell you there are red flags in the beginning. While some of them may seem a bit more obvious, others actually don’t feel like red flags. It’s not until you realize this person has cheated on you that the early signs become more glaringly obvious.

Here are five early signs you’re dating a cheater that most people miss.

1. They Won’t Make an Early Commitment (Or They’ll Commit Too Fast)

In my experience with cheaters, there’s always something off about how early they want to commit to you. A lot of the time, a cheater won’t make an early commitment. You might be six months or even longer into seeing them and still wondering where you stand. The reason is obvious: if you’re not officially a couple, they technically aren’t doing anything wrong by pursuing multiple people.

On the other hand, some cheaters might actually commit too soon. These cheaters might fly under the radar a bit more easily. After all, we all want someone who knows what they want. We’re often told that when you know, you know. Putting a title on things on the second or third date can feel refreshing in a world of noncommittal people. But the reason some cheaters commit early on is that they’re afraid of you pursuing other romantic interests.

2. They Mention That They’ve Been Cheated On Fast

The reality is that some people have been cheated on. But if it comes too fast in dating (e.g., even before the first date or on the first or second date), it should be seen as a red flag. A lot of the time, cheaters will tell you some sob story about how one of their exes cheated on them. They’ll tell you how badly it hurt them. You might even feel bad for them.

It gives you reassurance that they won’t ever cheat on you because they’ve been down that road before. And while this isn’t always a sign someone is a cheater, it can be a manipulation tactic some cheaters use to earn your trust.

3. They Have Low Self-Esteem (or Really High Self-Esteem)

This is the most common trait I’ve noticed in the cheaters I’ve dated. All of them had very low self-esteem. I’m a firm believer that the entire reason some people cheat is that they’re seeking validation. They want to constantly prove to themselves that they can continue to attract someone new.

And sometimes this can be even more difficult to recognize, because some people with low self-esteem actually seem like they have high self-esteem. Some people with low self-esteem wear a mask and actually come off as being conceited or downright cocky.

4. They Haven’t Witnessed Many Healthy Relationships

A common pattern I’ve noticed among the cheaters I’ve dated is that none of them have witnessed healthy relationships. In fact, most of them have witnessed their parents or grandparents in relationships where affairs have happened. It’s easy to assume that someone will try to break the cycle and do the opposite of their parents with toxic relationship patterns, but honestly? There’s some truth to the fact that people tend to gravitate towards what feels familiar.

5. They Won’t Share Everything About Their Past

And the truth? No one has to share anything about their past. Everyone opens up about their past at different times with varying levels of comfort. But if some time has passed and you find that the person you’re dating is a lot more guarded about their past relationships, it could be because they don’t want you to know the truth about what really happened.

The Bottom Line

Sometimes, there are small clues that give insight into how a relationship will progress. It’s up to us to spot them. Some of the earliest clues happen when you first meet someone. You just need to pay attention.

These are just five early signs you’re dating a cheater, in my personal experience. Feel free to share in the comments below: what were the earliest signs you were dating a cheater? What’s something you didn’t notice right away but made sense later on?

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This post was previously published on medium.com.