While I have never been anxious about getting older, turning fifty was different. For the first time in my life, aging became an obsessive focus. I started worrying about things that had never troubled me before. Outwardly, I appeared fine, but inwardly, things felt uncertain. After working hard to achieve so much, I felt lost and unsure how to create the future I wanted. I was overwhelmed and exhausted, and two questions dominated my thoughts: Was this the beginning of a downward spiral in health, productivity, mind, body, and spirit? Or was there something profoundly different I could do to define and live a life that would bring me my greatest happiness?
The journey to this point included many uncontrollable challenges: my child’s profound disability, the shifting tides of my career, familial dysfunction, and more. At the center of middle age, it felt like I had lost control over everything. It is a frightening feeling when, no matter where you look, you feel like a passenger on a turbulent roller coaster—jerky and uncomfortable, with no clear end in sight. After months of a nonstop mental loop, it came down to one question: Was I prepared to make fundamental changes to how I thought, behaved, and spent my time to foster growth? Something had to change. But was it me, or the circumstances around me?
I have always been fast-moving and driven to succeed, with a deep connection to what my body and emotions are telling me at all times. Yes, I have lived with constant inner thoughts swirling while navigating life, which often created a duel of challenges and emotions. We live at the intersection of our problems and adversity. Difficulties can come from multiple directions simultaneously, and when they collide, it can feel overwhelming.
Despite these challenges, my life experiences have given me advantages. Navigating a career that leveraged creative thinking and the ability to process multiple streams of information allowed me to build successful brands, marketing strategies, and business operations. My intuition and active mind enabled me to lead people and build trust. My sensitivity allowed me to develop deep relationships with family, staff, and friends. And as a parent, my curiosity and persistence were tested as I faced monumental challenges with my children.
At fifty, I confronted a new reality. Years earlier, I had read Marshall Goldsmith’s business book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, which describes how executives must make changes to remain successful. For some reason, the title kept resurfacing in my mind. I realized it was also a metaphor for my life and the drastic changes I needed to make.
In 2011, the challenges intensified. My sixteen-year-old, nonverbal, severely autistic son experienced a psychiatric breakdown. I faced health issues, and both my parents and in-laws were declining. My siblings struggled with addiction and depression, and one flirted with suicide. After engineering the 2009 sale of School of Rock, a company I had built from a struggling startup into a leader in music education, I was suddenly replaced. Working for the private equity firm that purchased the company was unsatisfying. Their formulaic approach and misunderstanding of our culture drove me to leave after a year.
Evaluating my life, I asked two questions: Was 2011 going to break me or become a turning point? Would I grow or fold? Somehow, a switch flipped. “Grow or fold” became my mantra. With my family’s well-being and financial stability at stake, I had to chart a professional path while navigating a fragile personal life. While I received some cash from the sale, I rolled all my equity back into the business, tying my investment up for years.
For the first time, I felt the vulnerability of middle age. Yet I had energy, drive, skills, and confidence. I no longer wanted to put my heart into ventures where I had little control. I wanted to reset my professional goals, work with people I liked, and invest my time in purposeful endeavors. I also needed to find peace and calm amid heightened fear and anxiety. I realized that the tools I had used successfully in business could help me analyze and reset my life.
There are reasons we rarely apply professional tools to personal life planning. We may be unwilling to expose weaknesses, find self-awareness difficult, lack the necessary strategic skills, or perceive the process as too time-consuming or inherently challenging. Like many people, I had built walls around my perspective, rarely revisiting the core of who I was.
I decided to slow down. I would never be fifty again and did not want to regret failing to build the right strategy for my life. I treated myself like a client, examining how I lived, treated my body and mind, and allocated my time. Over several weeks, I made lists on top of lists. Large Post-its and sheets covered my basement walls. It was a creative brainstorming session, except this time the brand was me. Using a diagram with vertical and horizontal axes labeled “Love to Do” and “Good At,” I focused on the upper-right quadrant, where the traits and tasks I should pursue for the rest of my life were located.
I also analyzed my personal life, values, and goals to understand what drove me. At fifty, I took the time to understand what made me tick and align my time, motivation, and commitment accordingly. This is an exercise anyone can do: list what you love and dislike, and your strengths and weaknesses.
My career trajectory taught me that we often enter jobs based on who we were in our twenties. As we evolve, we often remain stuck in careers and habits that no longer fit, leaving us unfulfilled. Reflection is rare but essential. After 25 years, I realized I was good at building things and motivated to make a meaningful difference.
When I joined School of Rock at 45, I helped children develop confidence through music. This sparked a new idea: building an art school. Though I had little experience in art, curiosity and a shared creative drive with my younger son fueled my interest. Visiting the Whitney Biennial in 2010, I realized contemporary art lacked broad public awareness. More than two million artists were working in America, but the art world remained inaccessible. Galleries were unwelcoming, and “art speak” was off-putting. I wondered why more people weren’t engaged, whether I could build an art school teaching through living artists, and whether learning art could be fun and help people grow.
Over two months, I studied contemporary art, took NYU courses, read extensively, and visited galleries. I realized art, like music, resonated when approached with understanding and emotion. Self-doubt persisted, but a conversation with a friend encouraged me to pursue the idea and provided support. That early validation paved the way for One River School, which now has 15 schools in six states and aims to transform art education. This backstory illustrates five rules that govern growth:
一 Take personal responsibility and own your decisions.
一 Know yourself by reflecting on what matters and what works.
一 Reinvent yourself at any age.
一 Accept that change is hard, but not changing is worse.
一 And channel your creativity to achieve goals.
Reconnecting with what you love and your natural skills is essential for framing your future. It is time to grow. Folding is not an option.
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“If you’re at a crossroads in your life, this book will show you how to move forward on your terms.”
—Mel Robbins, New York Times bestselling author of The Let Them Theory and host of The Mel Robbins Podcast
In this genre-defying, deeply personal, and ultimately inspiring book, Grow or Fold redefines what it means to thrive in midlife and beyond. With honesty, insight, and a toolkit forged in fire, Matt Ross—former CEO of School of Rock and architect of One River School—invites you into his story of transformation, resilience, and purpose.
At fifty, faced with personal catastrophe and professional upheaval, Ross chose growth over surrender. This book is his blueprint—and your invitation—to do the same. Through raw storytelling and practical wisdom, Grow or Fold helps you navigate the turbulence of change with clarity and confidence. You’ll learn how to take inventory of your life, reconnect with your core values, and design a future that reflects your most authentic self.
Whether you’re feeling stuck, uncertain, or simply ready for more, this book is your call to action. Because in the face of adversity, there really is only one choice: GROW OR FOLD?
Excerpted with permission from GROW OR FOLD: Transform Yourself in Midlife and Beyond by Matt Ross. All rights reserved.
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