The late Kobayashi Sensei said, “When someone attacks you, they are asking for your help.”
Cognard Hanshi said, “You train not to kill.”
When someone attacks me, their intention is to harm, maybe to kill. I have nothing to do with what goes on inside someone else. Still, I determine what goes on inside me. I choose who I am, what I do. Under attack, I have compassion, like Hanshi taught. I help the one who attacks me, like Kobayashi Sensei taught.
I invite the attack. Don’t oppose the attack. If I defend, I can be defeated. I heal the space between the attacker and me. That’s the purpose of Aikido. That’s the training. Attacks can be personal in design: Someone tries to harm me, maybe tries to kill. I fix it. I fix myself. I’m the only one, who can.
I enter the attack, enter the danger. That’s the safest place to be. I hold my position under the attack, in the danger. I open up and let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough, my fear of Dad as a little boy. I work on myself, not on the attacker, not on others. I heal myself.
I’m in position, so I don’t harm. I don’t kill. I choose. I give the attacker a choice. They can stand down or continue their attack. The attack itself, has nothing to do with me. The attacker asks for my help. They suffer inside in some way, on some scale. I have compassion for what it’s like to be them. I heal the space between us. I have meaningful compassion.
Aikido Founder O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” Under the attack, I overcome myself, not the attacker. It’s me against me. Not me against them. I hold my position under the attack, in the danger. I create space for the attacker to heal themselves. They do that. No one else can. That’s on them.
There is no fight. There never has to be one. Never needs to be one. Attacks are not personal, because I fix it. It’s on me to fix myself. I work on myself, not on the attacker, not on others. That’s all I can do. Others work on themselves. They’re the only ones, who can. I can’t make someone do anything. We can both work on ourselves. We both choose.
Someone used me until she could find the man she loved. Having someone to love is what we all want in life. She was asking for my help. I transparently got that I’m not good enough. It wasn’t all about me. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I work on myself, not on anyone else. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough over, and over, and over again. Let it go. I got out of my own way. I helped the best that I could. It all worked out.
By design, attacks can be inherently personal. When someone attacks or strikes me that certainly occurs as personal. The attack comes at me, not at someone else. I fix myself, not the attacker, not others. I overcome myself, not them. I quiet myself inside. Someone attacks me in their cry for help. Because they suffer inside. Because they hurt inside. The attack is not about me. The attack is all about them.
In the First Noble Truth of Buddhism, there will always be suffering in life. The Fourth Noble Truth of Buddhism is the path to end suffering. On the path, we heal the space between us, regardless of circumstance, regardless of emotion, regardless of being right. We have meaningful compassion. We help each other heal. We can heal the world, too.
It’s never personal. Let it go.
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