How to Share Your Personal Life Without Hurting Your Career With Catherine Kleshinski

I am so excited to share this conversation with my wonderful colleague and friend, Dr. Catherine Kleshinski from Indiana University. We’ve all been there on a random Monday morning when someone asks, “How was your weekend?” and we’re dying to share a picture of our new puppy or the chaos of a first birthday party. I used to think these me-search moments were just simple trust builders—and they are!

Catherine’s latest research in the Journal of Applied Psychology reveals that there is a lot of nuance behind that water cooler talk. It turns out that while sharing the non-work vibes makes us all seem warmer, the way it impacts our reputation actually depends on where we sit in the hierarchy. So, how can we build authentic connections without accidentally triggering the workplace gossip mill?

The Warmth Benefit vs. The Distraction Penalty: Everyone who shares positive personal news is perceived as warmer and more caring, but junior or lower-status employees may simultaneously be viewed as less focused on their professional responsibilities.

“Everyone gets the warmth benefit, but the work ethic connotation depends on power dynamics.”

The Gossip Ripple Effect: Reputation isn’t just a static feeling; it drives how people talk about you when you aren’t in the room, leading to either flattering or unflattering workplace gossip.

“If you have this reputation for being a relationship builder, people will engage in positive gossip about you, but if you are somebody with a reputation for being distracted, they’ll gossip negatively about you.”

The Invisible Line of Disclosure: There is a delicate balance between sharing enough to build trust and oversharing details like health issues or intense personal data that can make others uncomfortable.

Creating Safe Spaces for Connection: Leaders should focus on creating icebreakers that allow for choose-your-own-adventure levels of vulnerability so that no one feels pressured to share more than they are comfortable with.

Actionable Takeaway

Audit your icebreakers. If you are a manager, be mindful that vulnerable sharing can unintentionally disadvantage your junior team members. Instead of asking personal questions, try a reciprocity ring where teammates request help with a specific task, or use “Tell Me Something Good” to allow people the choice between sharing a professional win or a personal one.

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This post was previously published on Next Pivot Point.

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