Leaving The “I Promise” Loop

When we meet someone new, we want to see the best in them. We might trust them immediately because of this.

One study found that women may be more trusting than men in some situations, which can make them fall hard and quickly for a new guy in their lives. Women may get taken advantage of by men because they can be so trusting. It may be difficult for her to spot red flags because she wants to see the best in him. Once she pictures him in her life, she may see his behavior through rose-colored glasses.

However, there are certain phrases he may say that show he’s not the right person to put her trust in. If he tries to convince her that she’s always wrong, or that his bad behavior is fine, it’s time to run in the opposite direction. A man like this can’t be trusted.

If a man cannot be trusted, you’ll know it when you hear him say these 6 phrases on repeat

1. ‘That’s just how I am’

Men might expose who they are immediately when they say a phrase like this. They aren’t even trying to make an excuse for their behavior. Instead, they’re honestly admitting that they will let you down. Saying ‘That’s just who I am’ is an excuse for hurting their partner. If they say this often, you can’t trust him.

You shouldn’t trust a man who doesn’t put effort into the relationship. If he won’t work on himself enough to treat you well, you may never be truly happy with him. He might pretend to change, but if he defaults to making excuses because ‘that’s just who he is,’ he’s not the one for you.

2. ‘I forgot’

We need to be able to rely on our partners when we ask them to do something for us. We should also know that they’ll always remember important dates, like anniversaries and birthdays. How many times have you heard him throw around the phrase ‘I forgot’ when you bring these things to his attention? Sometimes, it can feel like he doesn’t care at all about the relationship. You can’t trust him if he’s always saying things like this.

Forgetting can damage a relationship. When a partner is constantly being let down, they might become bitter. If a man is constantly ‘forgetting’ the important things, he’s not trustworthy.

3. ‘I never said that’

When something our partner says hurts our feelings, it’s important to be able to bring it up to them. In a long-term relationship, you need to have productive conversations. If a man claims he never said that thing that deeply hurt you, it’s a sign he is gaslighting you. Instead of taking accountability, he wants to convince you that you’re the one who has the situation all wrong. This can be extremely damaging not only to the relationship but also to your self-esteem and self-worth.

If a man uses this phrase often, you can’t trust him. He is trying to manipulate you to save face. It can be hard not to fall for it, but that’s what they want you to do.

4. ‘You’re overreacting’

Your emotions are valid. Anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is lying to you. Sure, we can have intense reactions to things, but it’s often because we are hurt. No one can tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel about something, especially if they hurt you. If a man says this phrase often, it’s a sign that he’s not trustworthy. He cares more about getting away with his poor behavior than working through what’s upsetting you.

Emotional invalidation can take a serious toll on your mental health. You may start questioning yourself, convinced that you are the problem, while they get away with hurting you. You shouldn’t trust someone who uses these phrases regularly.

5. ‘I’m not talking about that’

Have you tried to have a conversation with someone only for them to shut down completely? If an argument is taking place, they might stonewall it. This means they refuse to talk at all, making things even more tense and unproductive. They’ll ignore you, fail to make eye contact, and sometimes say, ‘I’m not talking about that.’ This can show that they are not interested in solving the problem, or don’t think it’s a problem at all.

“Stonewalling involves refusing to communicate with another person and withdrawing from the conversation to create distance. Intentionally shutting down during an argument, also known as the silent treatment, can be hurtful, frustrating, and harmful to the relationship,” says Marni Feuerman, LCSW, LMFT.

6. ‘You’re crazy’

We’ve all met a guy who started the conversation by saying his exes were crazy, and he was just misunderstood. Some of us may fall for this line. Suddenly, time goes by, and we are on the receiving end of the phrase. Now we’re the crazy ones, and we’re out of line for having certain reactions. If a man says this to you, it’s important not to trust him. He doesn’t care about the truth as much as he cares about defending himself.

Blowing you off by claiming you’re crazy when you bring something to his attention is not something any woman should have to deal with. This is another example of gaslighting, and an easy way for them to escape taking blame for anything.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.