This Guy’s Unhinged Voice Note After a Date Has Divided the Internet Over Consent

I know I’m a bit late to the party, but I had to throw in my two cents on this viral dating incident that’s been raging for the past week.

Some of you may have already heard about it, but if not, buckle in as we go balls deep into the drama.

So, about a week ago, this girl went on a second date with a guy whom I presume she met on a dating app. After they go their separate ways, the guy then proceeds to send her a bizarre voice note that later gets shared online. It said the following:

I had a good time tonight. Definitely think you are lovely.

However, if I’m going to go to your place on Thursday, I’m looking to have that physical intimacy to see if, like, I’m sexually compatible with you. So if I’m going to come over, I would be hoping to hook up with you to check if we have that romantic, physical spark for my own sake, because it’s hard for me to continue dating someone if I don’t know if I’m sexually compatible.

I know you said you don’t know about that, so I guess my thing is, what would be the point of me coming over then if we are not gonna be intimate? If that’s not what you want, that’s fine, but I think we should end things here, respectfully.

First date is fine; we can get to know each other, but I’m still looking to have that physical aspect there. So it’s up to you, let me know. If you want, I’m happy to come over, and we can fuck and have a good time. We can have some wine and chill. But if you are not trying to hook up, we should just go our separate ways.

And thus, “the voice note guy” (or in some places, “the voice memo guy”) discourse was born.

It all centers around the idea of what is appropriate when stating your sexual expectations when dating, and how consent ties it all together.

I have linked the original audio clip here.

As always, two opposing camps have emerged.

On team women, the interpretation is that when men talk like this, they are not actually asking for consent; they are attempting to see how far they can push past a boundary. The voice note guy was not having a discussion; he was stating an ultimatum and thus applying subtle coercive pressure to get a yes.

While on team men, the prevailing narrative is that this man did everything right. Women have been harping on about consent, and this is what it looks like in its rawest, purest form. So, for them to be unhappy about it is hypocritical. They are making it so that men lose no matter what they do.

Of course, there will be some overlaps with a subset of women agreeing with “team men” and vice versa. Overall, though, this is how the divide stacks up when viewed from a distance.

Men are on the losing side on this one

I know this is going to ruffle some male feathers, but women are actually right on this one.

This is not what consent looks like.

Yes, it’s blunt; yes, it’s honest; but the whole execution was sloppy as fuck.

For starters, his motives were misplaced. By saying, “If we don’t have sex by our next meeting, then I’m not going to deal with you,” he framed the request using the verbiage of an ultimatum. And ultimatums are inherently coercive by design.

Mind you, the girl had already said she was not sure about sleeping with him, but that didn’t matter to him. He still came back to pressure for an answer that he already had — he just didn’t like it. Instead of accepting the boundary, he thought if he demanded sex, that would somehow force her hand.

And yes, I said demand because nowhere in that interaction did he mention anything beyond his selfish needs.

Where was the tact, the empathy, the patience — hallmarks of a person truly seeking consent?

The only thing he did right was broaching the topic of sex sooner rather than later. At the same time, he also inadvertently exposed himself as someone only interested in hookups.

Don’t for a second be fooled by his “sexual compatibility spiel,” that’s the biggest ruse men sell to women. I guarantee that had that lady given in, he would have slithered out of bed in the wee small hours, leaving her with a message that reads “sorry bae, we just weren’t compatible,” that is, if he doesn’t ghost her first.

It really does make me wonder, what’s the point of even going on dates if all you want is to get your dick wet? Why wait this long?

It would have been so much better had he said this before the initial meeting; at least it would have saved them the heartache of having to deal with each other.

What would I have done instead

If I were the voice note guy, I would never have sent that message — not that I would have any need to. If intimacy were that important, I would have at the very least flirted on the first or second date, and if there was reciprocity, respectfully broached the topic of sex… not from the perspective of expectations, but more from a place of mutual discovery. That alone would have enabled me to see her level of interest.

But let’s assume I still wasn’t sure… what then?

Well, I would ask her, preferably by calling.

I certainly would not send a semi-coherent ramble demanding she make a choice; that’s just too much. I would keep it super simple: “Hey, I find you incredibly attractive, and I would love it if we could get intimate after our second date. Is that something you are comfortable with? If not, that’s okay too. I respect your decision.”

Anything short of an enthusiastic “yes” from her means I drop the idea like a freshly baked hot potato on a wet exposed palm.

How I proceed from here will now depend on what I’m looking for. If it’s something casual, then this would be the end of the road for both of us because clearly we are not on the same page. Otherwise, I don’t have a problem meeting her again if she is good company.

If I’m in the mindset for a relationship, sex is the least of my concerns. That will come naturally with time.

Ultimately, the issue women are having with the voice note guy is not that he asked for sex; it’s in the manner in which he asked. Had he been more respectful, I probably wouldn’t be writing this article right now.