Why Some Women Become More Attracted to Men Who Don't Care

There are many possible psychological explanations for this, though not all women experience it, and we can also see the same pattern in men too,.

1. When they imagine what it feels like to date him.

This is common especially when the man is not revealing much. So, they easily idealise a version of him they want to see. Instead of crushing on him for who he is, they begin to fall for what they’re imagining in their head.

This is because the less information they get about him, the more the fantasy grows.

2. When scarcity can increase desire.

Someone’s presence and attention may start feeling like a normal thing if they’re usually available, but if they suddenly disappear or distance themselves their attention becomes valuable.

Our mind can read “I can’t have that guy” as “he is worth having.”

3. The chase can always create emotional tension.

If things are uncertain or scary, strong emotions set in, anxiety, anticipation, and excitement all set in. And then there comes relief when the person finally arrives or responds.

This type of emotional roller coaster may be mistaken for real love. Because she might be thinking, “Why can’t I stop dreaming about him” When the real problem was that she doesn’t even know where her position or where she stands with him.

4. She may start seeking validation.

Sometimes that chase is all about her, because she may start imagining what winning him over would mean. So, it’s not always about the man. She might think “If this man can finally choose me, that means I’m special”.

So, when they’re rejected, it seems like a challenge to their self-worth,’ instead of simply seeing it as incompatibility.

5. When she’s familiar with inconsistent emotional patterns.

Sometimes when someone grows up where there is inconsistent affection, they may be familiar with the kind of relationship where you have to work hard to earn love,. Subconsciously they feel comfortable with this kind of emotional pattern.

At times someone who shows them love constantly, seems “boring”. But they can get excited assuming the person is unpredictable.

But this should not mean that childhood experiences should determine one’s relationship choices. Because they may influence what they feel.

6. She may become addicted to the challenge.

There are differences between a woman who wants someone and the one who wants to be chosen. The one that wanted to be chosen sees everything as a challenge and may get addicted to it. So, once the person finally chooses her, her excitement might disappear since the challenge is over.

IMPORTANT LESSON.

Men who don’t care are not really more valuable just because they’re difficult to get and some women chase them thinking they’re worth the chase. They’re difficult to get does not also mean they are high value or are confident.

For an attraction to be healthy, there must be mutual interest, emotional safety, and respect. We shouldn’t ask ourselves how to make someone chase us, but we should ask ourselves, “If there is nothing left of me, would this person still value me”

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This post was previously published on medium.com.