Identity

Identity isn’t who you say you are, it’s who you are when no one is watching.

It’s not who you post on stories, Snapchat, or tell your friends and family you are.

You aren’t the world’s strongest or fastest parent, even though you say that to your kids. Sadly, you don’t know everything either.

Who you are is what you repeatedly do. Your identity is evidence-based, not theory.

In my last post, we explored Discipline, but discipline only works when it comes from a place of self-respect, which in turn comes from knowing who you are.

We talk about discipline like it’s something we do, but in fact, disciplined is something we are.

Drifting is an Identity Problem.

We’ve covered drift a few times in this series.

What is it?

Drift is cruising through life, fluttering about like a dainty little butterfly. It’s life happening to you, not the other way around. Drift is casual chaos, where you’re living a life that you happened upon, not that you made happen.

We spoke last post about how you can be motivated every day, yet if you’re drifting, your goal may also change every day. One day it’s max squat, the next day ballet – drifting isn’t a discipline problem, it’s an identity problem.

When is our identity fuzzy?

When everything is optional.
Every decision is a debate.
Every setback feels personal.

If you were to ask someone what they want, they’ll give you a hundred answers. From coffee machines to cars. Houses to holidays. Most people know what they want.

Now ask the same person who they are and watch them hesitate.

Drift is indecision, often disguised as freedom.

Identity is built through proof.

In our era, talk is cheap and easy. We can post up on our socials showing how happy we are. We can doctor photos to make us look completely different. We can AI a bank account statement just to show how fucking rich we look. We recently took the kids on holiday, and they had a tumultuous time to say the least, yet every photo they look happy and sane…

You can fool everyone else, but you know…

You don’t decide you’re jacked. You don’t decide you’re smart. You can’t decide you’re rich.

You need to do the work to prove to yourself that you are what you say you are, or what you’re trying to be.

Identity is built through the proof we constantly show ourselves, the things we do each and every day.

Identity can’t be declared; it’s proven.

Identity is built in the beautiful monotony of day-to-day life, the lists on the fridge, the daily alarm clock. Identity is the habits that we allow ourselves to fall into, or will ourselves to do.

Through repetition, we build a figure of who we are, we create our strengths and weaknesses through our daily movements. I want to be a writer; I write. I want to be fit; I train. I want to create awesome balloon animals; I blow…

Standards vs Goals.

Everyone loves a goal, and yet, it’s the end of February and how many people have muffed their New Years goal, settling into the same old, drifting along doing the same shit.

Drifting thrives on goals, because goals are exciting, catchy and worth talking about. They’re external, give us something to chase and live in the future. This year I’m ‘getting fit’. Tomorrow I’ll ‘clean the shed’. A goal can be postponed.

Now, Standards.

Identity is built on standards. If you eat clean, train, recover and keep the garage tidy as a standard, that’s who you are, not what you’re ‘going to do’.

Standards can’t be postponed, because if you put it off, you’re dropping the standard.

Drop your standards enough and you stop trusting yourself entirely. Think about this: every time you break a promise to yourself, you feel a bit yucky, don’t you? Like you’ve let yourself down. You metaphorically feel a bit greasy, like you just rolled in a tub of KFC chicken. You create doubt in yourself, and make that next promise easier to break, or greasier to hold onto.

How to set your Standard?

I’ve always believed that life is a series of games and you get to choose which ones you’re participating in. Call them buckets. Or give-a-fuck points. Call them whatever you want, but I believe you get 5. No more, and actually, probably less. These are the things in life you get to have enough time and sanity to care about

Think about who you want to be. Who do you want to identify as?

Keep it clean and simple. Wash away the KFC grease.