I was on the twin flame journey for two and a half years, and during that time I unpacked a lot of things.
I created a lot of interesting content, and I don’t regret any of it, because this is how I help myself put my realizations together.
Very often, people need to say things out loud in order to understand them.
I need to see them too.
So I created visual content and wrote texts, putting everything together as if I were assembling a puzzle, one tiny piece at a time.
For a while, I thought I had finished it.
But no.
I’m still putting it together.
There is so much content about twin flames online, and the opinions are completely different.
Maybe sometimes people are trying to explain things they haven’t actually experienced themselves.
I don’t know.
Not everything can be explained simply through psychology.
Twin flames aren’t just a dry theory about a man constantly running away while a woman chases him.
Not at all.
Very often, a woman isn’t chasing anyone at all and actually has an avoidant attachment style.
At the same time, I wouldn’t reduce everything to mysterious explanations either, and I definitely wouldn’t listen to advice telling me to do absolutely nothing and just wait for everything to work itself out.
It depends on what you want to create in the end.
Because the result will depend on the decisions you make and the actions you consistently take. That’s how you build the reality you want to live in.
And if you do nothing, your reality will never change.
And gender has nothing to do with it.
Both men and women can get stuck waiting.
***
But there is something I haven’t really talked about in my texts before:
that mysterious phrase,
“focus on you.”
For some reason, people immediately imagine a Snow Queen.
A businesswoman.
Complete detachment.
A woman who doesn’t even need a man.
She can do everything herself.
For a while, I thought that too.
But that’s not it.
It’s much deeper than simple detachment.
I think I finally understood what it actually means to put yourself at the center of your life.
Centering yourself isn’t about ego.
Centering yourself is about action.
It means you stop placing your actions in someone else’s hands.
You don’t wait for someone to text you.
You don’t wait for someone to help you.
You don’t wait for someone to suddenly change your life.
That isn’t putting yourself at the center.
That’s putting the center somewhere outside yourself.
It starts when you can clearly speak from yourself:
I simply don’t want this.
I simply don’t need less than what is right for me.
So I don’t want people texting me or offering me less.
Not out of ego.
Not as manipulation.
Simply because:
I don’t want it.
My life is much more interesting to me.
***
For a long time, I thought it meant becoming stronger.
Standing my ground.
Not letting anyone hurt me.
Saying:
“I will not accept less.”
And I still believe that.
But I finally noticed something I had missed.
Such a small difference, almost invisible at first glance, but incredibly important.
Sometimes even “I will not accept less” can come from a place of fighting.
Because there is a version of that sentence that still has someone else standing in the middle of it:
And suddenly, without realizing it, you are still orienting your life around them.
Still reacting.
Still measuring your choices against someone else’s behavior.
That isn’t really putting yourself at the center.
It’s just fighting from the edge of their reality.
***
The real center is different.
It is not:
What will he do if I leave?
What will they say?
Will they finally stop?
Will they understand?
What if they do it again?
The real center is:
What do I choose?
What do I allow?
What am I doing with my life regardless of what other people do or say?
Where am I going?
What feels right for me?
And sometimes the answer is simply:
No.
Not an angry no.
Not a dramatic no.
Not a no that needs to be witnessed.
And certainly not a no just to spite everyone.
Just quietly:
No. This doesn’t work for me.
And then you move.
***
That is something I understand differently now.
I used to think refusing to accept less meant constantly defending the fact that I deserved more.
But why?
If I know what I want, I don’t have to convince anyone else that it is reasonable.
Because what I want doesn’t depend on anyone else at all.
It depends only on me.
I don’t have to make someone agree with my standards.
I don’t have to prove that my boundaries are justified.
I don’t have to win an argument with someone who has already decided to misunderstand me.
I can simply choose differently.
Because maybe the real meaning of:
“I won’t settle for less”
isn’t:
“I will fight until I get more.”
Maybe it’s:
“I don’t need less.”
And that’s it.
There is no need to explain why.
No need to explain anything.
Because that is still a fight.
This is resistance.
The other is choice.
One keeps you engaged with what you don’t want.
The other turns you toward what you do.
***
When something happens, the mind immediately wants to know what they are doing.
What they meant.
Why they did it.
What they will do next.
What they think.
What they might say.
And you can spend an incredible amount of energy living inside questions that don’t actually belong to you.
That is how you unconsciously move the center of your life away from yourself and toward someone else’s.
I don’t want my life to be organized around other people’s behavior anymore.
Someone can make a choice.
I can make mine.
Someone can misunderstand me.
I can still know myself.
Someone can create a story about me.
I don’t have to enter it.
Someone can stay exactly the same.
I can keep moving.
That is what centering myself feels like now.
Not:
“I am stronger than you.”
But:
“You are not where my life comes from.”
***
I am the source of my decisions.
It’s so simple.
This might be the simplest definition I have found.
Putting yourself at the center means that your actions come from you, rather than being reactions to someone else.
Real focus on you is when the action comes from you, not from someone else:
I work.
I create.
I say no.
I leave.
I stay.
I choose.
I don’t allow this.
I don’t agree to that.
I want this.
I don’t want that.
There is no committee meeting required.
No permission slip.
No need for everyone involved to understand.
And no need to make your decision loud enough for someone else to finally hear it.
Sometimes the most powerful decision is incredibly quiet.
You just stop participating.
And continue living.
***
Maybe you don’t need to be strong all the time.
This is another part I hadn’t understood.
You don’t actually need to prove how strong you are.
You can be tired.
You can be emotional.
You can have a bad day.
You don’t have to know what happens next.
None of that means you’ve lost your center.
Because your center isn’t a performance of strength.
It is knowing:
This is my life.
And I get to decide what I do with it.
You don’t need to become harder to choose yourself.
You don’t need to become indifferent.
You don’t need to stop caring.
You just need to stop handing the steering wheel to whatever someone else does.
***
Usually, we all go through a stage of detachment when ego or anger is still speaking through us.
At that stage, we might even unconsciously think:
“I don’t want anything from you at all.”
But with time, the anger always passes.
And eventually, we stop listening to the ego too.
Because each of us eventually realizes that no one was actually fighting us.
We were fighting ourselves.
And then the thought usually becomes much simpler:
I don’t want to fight for peace.
I want peace.
I don’t want to fight to be respected.
I want relationships where respect is already there.
I don’t want to fight to be chosen.
I want mutual choice.
I don’t want to fight against someone else’s reality.
I want to live inside mine.
I don’t need theirs.
So no, this isn’t about being stronger than anyone.
It’s much simpler than that.
I just don’t need less than what is right for me.
And when you really know that, you don’t have to fight for it.
You just stop choosing anything else.
***
And maybe this is the part that makes the difference even clearer.
I used to think that putting myself at the center meant that the other person had to stop doing something.
I wanted him to stop watching me.
To stop following me everywhere.
To stop talking about me.
To stop creating stories about me.
Because as long as he was doing those things, some part of me was still waiting for the situation to change.
But now I see it differently.
They can watch me for the rest of their lives.
They can look through the keyhole.
They can talk about me.
They can lie about me.
They can misunderstand me.
They can create whatever version of me they need in their own reality.
That’s their choice.
I don’t have to make them stop in order to keep making my own choices.
I can simply keep living.
And honestly, if someone wants to spend their life standing outside someone else’s door, that’s their life to spend.
I don’t have to stand there with them.
I don’t even have to keep checking whether they’re still there.
Because my life doesn’t begin when they leave.
My freedom doesn’t depend on their silence.
My peace doesn’t require their understanding.
And my future doesn’t require their behavior to change first.
They can choose what they choose.
I choose my life.
That is the difference.
Not:
“I need you to stop so I can finally live.”
But:
“You can do whatever you choose. It still doesn’t decide what I do with my life.”
And maybe that is what putting yourself at the center really means.
You stop waiting for the outside world to give you permission to move.
You move.
You stop making your life dependent on someone else’s realization.
You live.
You stop asking when they will finally understand.
You understand yourself.
And sometimes, that’s all the closure you need.
Because the center was never supposed to be a place where you fight someone.
It was supposed to be the place from which you live.
—
This post was previously published on The Quiet Corner.
***
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