Is The Sensitive Boy Doomed From The Start?

Eduardo Garcia on the rise of empowered women and disempowered men.

“I keep waiting to meet a man who has more balls than I do.” –Salma Hayek

For years we have applauded and promoted strong women Role Models. We teach our girls to stand proud, be determined, and have an independent spirit; to grow up into women who own their sexuality and have fierce convictions. They will be the ones who challenged the norm, having fought for their place in a man’s world, and forged a path for other girls to follow with every step they took. They will do this without ever losing their identity of being a Woman, wearing the label of “Bitch,” given to them by weaker men who will try to minimize these women, as a badge of Honor. They are groomed since childhood to be strong, by strong parents, or they become strong as a result of being broken by society, only to come back as better women. They are taught to be warriors and to understand they don’t need a man to take care of them. They will never settle for someone who doesn’t appreciate them, and if they are going to be with a man, at the very least he has to be their equal. After an era of emotionally distant men, followed by a generation of the “absent providers,” and culminated by a “dead beat dad” society, we have taught our girls that the only person they can truly count on is themselves.

And then we look at what we are teaching our sons, the future men who will try to woe these ladies. All I can say to you is “good luck boys.”

We are raising our boys to become better than their macho-male predecessors, a noble endeavor indeed. We teach them to be sensitive, that crying in public is nothing to be ashamed of, that they don’t need to “suck it up,” that the weight of the world is not riding on their shoulders, and no matter what others might say, they are special and should be respected for being special. We just keep forgetting to tell them that everyone else thinks they are special too. We encourage them to follow their fantasies and dreams, but no one taught them about how hard you have to fight, the price you have to pay, and the struggles you have to endure for following your dreams. We teach them to voice their opinions, but forget to teach them that words and actions have consequences. We teach boys that it’s ok to sometimes be weak, but forgot to teach them how to be strong the rest of the time. We tell them that having doubts is understandable, but forgot to teach them how to be self-confident. We are failing at preparing them for the realities of a harsh world that cares little of how sensitive they are.

Boys learn that it’s ok for an athlete to cry for losing because he is in touch with his feelings, when instead he should learn to congratulate and recognize the skill and effort of the other player who won. They will confuse arrogance for confidence, turning abuse as a tool for empowerment and as a mask for insecurities. They will be overwhelmed with self-doubt every time they have to deal with rejection and are told by society that mistakes are used as marketing opportunities instead of being a tool for learning. They will view any opinion different than theirs as a personal attack, and take everything to heart as an offense. And they will react accordingly, just look at how trolling and flame wars rage online.

Somewhere in the evolution of manhood by the last couple of generations, sensitivity and sensibility were taken out of the equation of being a man, as if artistry and creativity was exclusively a female trait. Before this happened, it was expected for a man to learn about art and culture as well as the arts of war. Warrior classes of the olden days would taught music, art, and literature as part of their development. Trade crafts were viewed as artistic endeavors and wooing a lady was a demonstration of the sensibility the man possessed. Take a moment and think of most art, literature, and music produced in the last century. Most were produced by men, although this was because women weren’t even allowed to participate openly till recently. Then, some culturally stunted individual thought it was a good idea to “feminize” culture, and men should be little more than grunts and providers. Thank you, “Latter Half of the Twentieth Century”.

And how are we handling this loss? By starting to teach culture and art to students the same way we teach science? By placing, at the same level of importance, music as we do math? Nope, by demonizing all connotations the word “Man” has, as if the culturally underdeveloped version of Man we have today was the standard throughout history. We teach boys about gender equality, but teach our girls to be proud of “Girl Power.” Are we actually applauding a double standard that makes for strong women and weak men? Some might think it’s only fitting considering we have been doing the reverse for centuries. I think our boys should not be punished for the mistakes of their grandfathers. We have produced a society where men are trying to figure life out in their 20’s and 30’s, while we see women going for their dreams since their teens!

Caballeros, we are not in a race or a competition against women, nor should we allow women to treat us as if they are competing against us. The old generation of misogynist men failed to be proper partners to the ladies. They reduced them to mere trophies to be shown at social gatherings, relegated their house and family choices/obligations. Unfortunately, the current generation of overly sensitive men is heading down the opposite road, ending up being unfit partners for powerful women. We need to find a balance, and we need to find it quickly. We cannot talk about gender equality if we are not willing to be the Modern Women’s equals.

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–Photo: Adib Roy/Flickr