Sami Holden was asked for a decade’s worth of pointers to live by by a friend who was turning 20. She dug deep and found them.
Who do you go to when you need advice? For my friends, I’m that person. Leading up to his twentieth birthday, my friend pestered me for weeks to provide general life advice. He wanted a long list that would be points to live by for the next decade. As one of his best friends, and the person he has dubbed “his Yoda”, I stepped up to the challenge. Being in my upper twenties has created confidence that I may now have some insight to help others navigate this decade when so many life changes occur. These are not random pointers. This is a guide I try to live by. It’s been many years of trial and error. For my friend, and hopefully others, the following are twenty tips for your twenties:
* Do not believe that your college years are the best years of your life. Whoever said that was a moron and had a sucky rest of their life. College is fun and a very specific sort of experience, but there are many great experiences beyond it.
* You do not have to have your entire life figured out any time soon. You don’t even need to have it sort of figured out. This is not a competition. Things change constantly. Even if you have a game plan, it will turn out differently in the end and you could be passing on better opportunities that don’t fit into “the plan”. There is no prize in having things figured out as soon as possible. There isn’t even a cookie provided (which is bullshit).
* Chasing happiness will lead you with… not happiness. The dictionary is pretty ambiguous as to what happiness is, and it is really different for everyone. You can’t force happiness. Even if you feel you’ve reached your happy, you’ll see someone else being happier because of something else. Then things get confusing. If you just let things be, I can guarantee you will be content more often than not. It’s easy to get stuck in a “this could be better” pattern. If you think it can, well change what you’re doing. If it can’t be changed, stop complaining.
* There is no such thing as peer pressure. Don’t use other people as an excuse for decisions you regret. The sooner you own all of your decisions, the freer you will feel. Unless there was some utter catastrophe which caused harm to others, live with as few regrets as possible. Your life is a series of experiences, not all are great, but they create the collective you. Own it all. It’s a much more entertaining story if you took a 192 proof shot because you wanted to, and not because you felt you had to.
* Do things for the story. But if you’re doing something questionable, make sure there’s no photo evidence (what if you want to be a governor someday?).
* Do things that others wouldn’t expect from you – they don’t even have to know. We all have these personas we create and sometimes it’s unsettling to deviate from them because people expect certain responses and reactions from us. Before my 26th birthday I decided to get a few more piercings that are not visible with my shirt on. Would people guess I’d do that? Probably not. That’s most of the fun though. Get a tattoo (hell, I’d get one with you) or a piercing or anything else ridiculous that moves you in some way. Don’t do it just to rebel. Always do things with purpose.
*Don’t over think things. Your gut instinct is mostly the correct one. If you stop listening to that gut instinct, you stop recognizing “red flags” because you’ve stopped listening to you. There is no such thing as the right choice. There’s just A choice. It’s your journey after all; make the choice that you can live with – not one someone else wants you to make.
* When you are out with friends, take a moment to be quiet, sit back and take it all in. Take mental snapshots. Time goes by quickly and it’s amazing how fast things change in life. People that once were important become near strangers. Suddenly new people are a huge part of your life and you don’t quite know how that happened either. Memories stay with you though.
* Don’t get upset when people aren’t putting in the same energy level as you are in friendships. The hardest thing to get over is to realize people are not you. It’s nearly impossible to have friendships that reciprocate at exactly the same level. Know they are putting into the friendship the best that they know how. You can’t hold people to your own standards.
*If people are toxic, drop them. Cut them out of your life ASAP. They will text you sad stories to try to reel you back, but don’t let them. You will be better off in the long run. If your friends are doing anything but being encouraging, they are not friends. If they don’t believe you are capable of achieving your dreams, they will only hold you back.
* There’s nothing wrong with lazy days. Enjoy them.
* Think of yourself as an adult as soon as possible. Considering yourself a kid holds you back in that you will feel like your voice/opinions do not have value or merit. It puts you at a disadvantage. You can still be a video game playing, way too much cereal-eating adult. That actually makes you an awesome adult. You can still appreciate kid things and be an adult. It just makes you not cynical or jaded. Want an example? I have Batman band-aids in my purse.
*Let people know the real you, even if you aren’t sure if people will like the real you.
*Relationships shouldn’t be drama. If there is drama, they’re already pretty broken. I think people spend too much time looking for “the one” when I think there are many potential ones, and sometimes (probably because society) we focus too much on finding the perfect person in the most ideal set of circumstance. Nothing is perfect or ideal. Again, it pretty much just all boils down to choices. If you don’t feel like your day is better around them or they can’t make you laugh, it’s not worth it. Don’t settle.
*If you have to choose between a relationship and a dream career move, always choose the career. A relationship can work out even in less than ideal circumstances if it was going to work out. Career choices just go away forever. No one of any kind of value would make you give up your career dreams.
*Learn how to do basic life-skill things. Know some things about a car if you were to break down. Know how to put basic things together around your apartment. Learn to cook. The more random know-how you have, the more of a confidence booster it is. It feels great to be capable! Also, you’ll feel like an adult which is pretty awesome.
*Even if you aren’t certain whether you would qualify for a job opportunity/internship/etc or you feel you might not be up to par, apply for it anyways. Go into every interview with the mental state that this opportunity is already yours.
*Get your business clothes tailored. It’s worth it, trust me.
*Never feel bad about doing things for you. It’s not selfish, it’s just necessary. The day I spent at the spa was the best decision ever.
*Try not to define yourself. People often use things surrounding them to define themselves – student, artist, pre-med, etc. The problem is that when you define yourself those “identities” can easily be taken away or changed in some form and then you lose you.
Basically, if you surround yourself with people you care about who care about you, set out on adventures, push yourself a little bit (because sometimes things that frighten us are the most positively life-changing), believe in yourself, and be sure to have fun along the way – I don’t think you can go wrong.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
