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The bully: Here’s a subject we can talk about forever. We’ve all encountered one at some time in our lives. Most of us have had some kind of confrontation initiated by others. It’s generally not a good experience and the outcome is, more likely than not, very unpleasant.
A bully is a narcissist and the world in which we now live has become a haven for these damaging individuals. They think they’re always right and try to hide their own shame and feelings of self-loathing behind their offensive conduct.
The bully was once a victim and is simply playing out the circumstances of his/her own experiences. However, it can never be used as an excuse because the bully should remember the damaging impact of those experiences on self-esteem and feelings of self-worth at the hands of someone who takes perverse pleasure in seeing others vulnerable.
Think about those poor victims who have so tragically taken their lives as a direct result of outrageous behavior by these morally reprehensible individuals who feel no remorse for the impact of their offensive actions. A bully is a true failure in every sense of the word.
Whether it’s in the schoolyard, the workplace or the neighborhood (sometimes even the family unit), the bully lurks like a virus, lying in wait for the next hapless victim. The bully is a coward who has no respect, either for the victim or themselves. This person is always selective about a victim. This creature never selects someone who is physically and/or emotionally strong. The bully is afraid of anyone who might stand up to them and show them up for what they are.
The bully constantly seeks out those who have a perceived weakness. Just like a snake, this friendless individual watches, listens and calculates before beginning the calculated process of humiliation, breaking the person down to a level where they become spiritually, emotionally and physically vulnerable.
The bully somehow derives some unnatural pleasure from watching others suffer. It’s a trait of this despicable human being to find a victim and pursue them relentlessly. The bully is not satisfied until the victim is broken. There is absolutely no remorse as this creature then looks for a new victim.
The following nine points can help identify and eliminate bullying in the workplace:
• Keep your eyes and ears open
• A victim can become quiet and introverted
• Performance can be greatly affected
• Have quiet discussions with all employees
• Make yourself approachable
• Operate an open open-door policy
• Make it known that bullying is never tolerated
• Deal with any complaints immediately
• Jump on any bullying practices before they spread
In reality, the bully seeks in their victims those very things they so desperately wish they possessed. They are qualities such as trust, gratitude, compassion, respect, understanding, faith and tolerance. When the victim is a popular person it gives the bully even more ammunition and makes them even more determined.
Many people in an organization are too afraid to make any kind of adverse report against a peer or a manager, who might be a bully. They fear for their jobs and their own welfare: It’s understandable.
If people only stick together and report issues to management as a group, even if they write a petition, there is a greater likelihood of something being done. There needs to be a consensus and a combined front.
I know the direct and indirect signs of a bully. I was subjected to relentless bullying as a child, for ten long and miserable years so I understand the impact this negative behavior can have. It’s not pleasant and it can feel like the world is crashing down around your ears.
Next time you experience negative behaviors at the hands of a bully, make sure you document all details of the various encounters. That includes a full verbatim record of the conversation; any unnecessary or derogatory language and threats made, directly or indirectly. It’s important that you speak out against the bully. Garner support and refuse to remain quiet.
Bullying will never be eliminated. With the proliferation of social media, it is currently getting worse. Victims are actually taking their lives as many bullies choose to hide behind a curtain of cowardice.
If you are being bullied or you witness it happening to another person anywhere, my advice is to speak up. You might see it in a shop; at school; on the sporting field; in the workplace or classroom. You need not confront the bully but in speaking to a senior person, you’ve taken the first step. Knowledge is power.
If you are a victim, seek assistance and support. If you don’t have a family member, friend or neighbor you can confide in, there are many counseling services available specifically for this purpose.
Get the bully off your back and reclaim your life. You will be much the richer for the experience.
Imagine the possibilities.
What are your experiences with this peculiar individual?
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This post is republished on Medium.
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