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Recently a close friend was telling me how heartbroken he was after his “would have been” relationship crashed. The one lady his heart panted for left him emotionally drained after chasing her for years. He gave a rundown of the things he did and sacrifices he made, but in the end she made her decision.
I was supposed to feel pity like every normal human being should, it was anger instead. Not at the lady, but at him. I was in the know the moment he started having feelings for this lady and I wasn’t in total support how he was going about it. After some months of being friends, he asked her out and she didn’t give a straightforward answer— it was neither a yes nor a no.
And yet he continued trying to win her heart for two years until the day he discovered that she said “Yes” to a man she has barely known for two weeks. When a chase is taking too long, it doesn’t necessarily mean you should chase some more. Sometimes it means you’re chasing the wrong person. You should be able to know if she is the one.
Here are four signs you’re chasing the wrong woman:
1. The right woman won’t keep you waiting for long
I’ll be frank with you. A woman that truly wants you won’t play the “Hard-to-get” game for long. That doesn’t mean she shouldn’t take her time. But there’s a thin line between thinking it through and leaving a man hanging.
I believe the right woman knows what she wants and doesn’t waste unnecessary time when it comes by. My friend’s case annoyed me because he didn’t get a yes or a no for too long. He just stayed in there holding on to what never was.
He did things a man in a relationship should do, hoping she’ll be his in the end. Never you assume a relationship. It should either be a yes or no and nothing like being in between.
2. When you’re only cut out for the bad times
I’m not against you being there for her through the thick moments. What I’m against is you sharing in that part alone. You might think it’s a positive sign that she’s sharing her challenges with you, but it not, especially when you don’t get to share in the good.
All this lady shared with my friend were the bad and barely the good moments. If you know she was having problems reaching her work targets, you should also know when she gets promoted or got a recommendation. Good things were happening to her but she didn’t deem him fit to share in them.
Don’t be that man she only cries to. Also be that man she laughs with and celebrate moments with. There has to be a balance.
3. When it’s always about her
I’m a woman and I understand we love attention. Loving attention doesn’t mean we don’t pay attention to the man we want.
Whenever they were on the phone it’s always about her. In fact every means of communication was screaming her. Watch out for whenever you try making the subject about you and she still finds a way to make it all about her. It’s a sign that she’s not the one. You can’t possibly be the only one tangoing, because it takes two to do so.
A woman that wants you will also try to make it about you. Yeah, she should. After all you guys are getting to know yourselves better and not just her.
4. You’re always on your toes
I’m not an expert in love advice and I hardly share relationship tips I haven’t tried or witnessed. The first thing I look out for in a guy is how comfortable I am around him. It’s a big factor for me and I think it should be for everyone.
How comfortable are you around her? At first you might be too careful since you’ve barely known her. With time you should feel comfortable in your own skin and not on your toes whenever you’re around her. She shouldn’t always be approached like a time bomb waiting to be triggered. If she’s giving you the impression that you have to be perfect, I’m sorry but she’s definitely not the one for you.
You deserve someone who can tease and be teased back. This is the juncture that determines how much peace and comfort you’re going to get from her. Don’t try neglecting this.
It hurts to let go of something you so much hoped for. Sometimes holding on to situations like this will only crush your ego and leave you emotionally drained. Know when you should move on.
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