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Proposing to my fiancé was a big choice.
For most men, the decision to get married isn’t something that happens easily. It takes lots of
thought, questioning, and really digging deep.
For most men, the idea of getting married is a big and scary decision. Choosing to commit, for most men, brings up all sorts of questions. “Is this the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with? Am I sure she’s the one? Is this the woman I want to give everything to? Is this the woman
who truly makes me happy? Am I willing to never sleep with anyone else?” The barrage of questions seems endless. The choice is big and it requires knowing yourself well.
As a man, these are big and scary questions. The fear can be so big that I’ve seen men refuse
to get married to a woman they clearly love and have been with for decades, for fear that marriage will ruin everything.
For me, the decision to marry my partner required me to really ask some hard questions. If
you’re wondering what it takes to decide if she’s the one – here’s are some questions you can ask yourself to help you decide if she’s the one.
1. She’s Your Best Friend
I can’t think of anyone I want to spend more time with. My partner makes me laugh, have fun, take wild adventures, and we always have fun.
If your partner is someone you love spending time with then you can rest confident that she’ll be
someone you want to commit to.
2. She Makes You Feel Safe
My partner makes me feel safe. I know she won’t cheat, leave me, or betray me. I trust her wholeheartedly.
In one of my favorite books, “Wired For Love,” author Dr. Stan Tatkin talks about the importance
of safety in a relationship. Creating safety, connection, and intimacy in a relationship wires our systems to love deeper. According to Dr. Stan Tatkin, our systems reject love until we are given a kind of love that helps reprogram our systems to relax and open up and feel safe.
My partner has shown me with her repeated commitment to me that she will always stand by my
side. I don’t ever question her love or fidelity to me.
If you’re thinking about marrying someone, it’s crucial you feel that this person is going to stick around. Rain, sunshine, snow, sleet, hail, or whatever comes – if you feel they’ll stand by your side then you can rest assured – she’s worth the commitment.
3. She Surprises You
It’s great to have someone you can count on, feel safe with, and love. It’s crucial you have that and it’s also important that your wife-to-be surprises you.
My partner surprises me. She is full of great surprises. Each day, it seems, I get to learn
something new from her. Some new fact, some new adventure, some new dream, there’s
always something that she brings to our relationship that is new. The surprises are important. It keeps things fresh. In fact, after studying over three hundred married couples – I’ve learned the happiest couples are ones who are always learning from each other. Be sure to pick a partner who doesn’t bore you, but instead continually intrigues you.
4. You’re Willing To Marry Into Her Family
Not all couples can say they like each other’s families. In fact, most comedies seem to portray couples who hate their in-laws. In my experience, it’s common that couples don’t like each other’s families.
But, we’re not interested in what’s ‘normal’ – we’re interested in love. While not certainly a prerequisite for love, I believe that enjoying each other’s families can help
you make the decision to marry a lot simpler.
5. You’re Willing To Improve For Her
One of the biggest setbacks in a relationship is lack of improving. Making yourself better will always help the relationship thrive. Love depends on two people being willing to grow, change, and become better.
When you’re willing and committed to becoming a better man for the person you love – it’s a big
sign that you could be happy marrying.
Love takes work and if you’re both interested in improving than you’re that much more likely to
have a relationship that makes you both happy.
6. You Feel Like Yourself When You’re Together
This is a hard one to explain, but for love it’s crucial. The feeling that you’re just yourself while with someone is essential to your happiness.
For a long time, I tried dating women simply because they looked good. During our dates, I’d overlook the sensation that I had to monitor myself, be something I’m not, and it made dating almost unbearable. Then I learned I could be myself, date someone I loved, and everything changed. My relationships shifted and I chose to be around people who I felt good around, relaxed with, and my whole way of being shifted.
When it comes to my partner, when I’m with her I feel that she loves me for me – not for some other reason. Her love feels unconditional.
If you’re asking if you should get married, start by asking yourself, “Do I feel like myself when we’re together? Do I feel good when we share our time?” If the answers are yes, that’s a great sign you’re with someone you could marry. Marriage is a big decision. It’s one that can shape your future, her future, and ultimately alter your life paths.
By taking the time consider some of these questions, you’re guaranteed to make a decision that
will serve you and your partner for many decades to come.
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