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No beating around the bush guys. You’re in the closet.
Yeah you. You and all your masculine bravado, I’m not a queer sissy manhood.
You’re in the closet and I’m not talking about your sexuality, so stuff that testosterone back where it can be managed and listen up.
If you’re pretending…you’re in the closet.
If you’re faking it until you make it…you’re in the closet.
If you’re getting by in a job that’s sucking the life out of you…you’re in the closet.
If you’re holding your relationships together to safe face…you’re in the closet.
If you’re bro-ing with bros, just to bro, because that’s what expected…you’re in the closet.
The honest to God truth is, being in the closet is a human condition, not just a sexuality or gender identity issue. Closet building starts the moment we’re born.
Expectations that boys wear blue and girls wear pink.
Smart kids study hard and don’t play like normal kids.
If you save your pennies the rainy day won’t seem so rainy.
Always do for others not yourself.
Be like others, it’s easier.
And on, and on, and on, and on.
In other words, don’t be unique, follow the stereotypes, act this way, and don’t let them see you be the man you want to be, and hand me the smelling salts if you allow your vulnerability to come out of the closet.
From corporate, corner glass offices, to the hands in the heart cavities as world renown surgeons do amazing stunts of saving lives, what all us guys have in common, are our hidden closets that we don’t want any to find, let alone see inside. That pulsing panic emanates out of some ridiculous deep seeded fear, that be uncloseted will make us less of a man. Those craze making beliefs that to air our truth is to air our dirty laundry which no amount of pre-treatment can cure the stains of life that we have hidden.
Guys, guys, guys. It’s time to pucker up buttercup and prepare for the prostate examine of your life as you delve into your closet. As scary as it may be for the emperor to wear new clothes of truth, here’s the facts and only the facts.
Many men have come before you who have barred it all to be naked in their truth. More naked and vulnerable than the first drop of your pants in middle school gym class where you trembled in fear of a misguided erection. In fact, it’s completely possible that our fears of popping erections at all the wrong times, and the even greater fears of not being able to pop one at all the right times could be one of the clearest sources of our disfunction as men to justify, why closet dwelling has become our norm.
Let’s not talk about the size of our penis…let’s keep that discussion about the human body in the closet.
While we’re at it let’s make fun of those whose ten hair 8th Grade moustache pales in comparison to the full beard that Mr. Stud is rocking.
And, who can forget the ever so popular notches in your truthfully, non-existent, made it to 3rd base case. 90% of us guys never made it to third base 90% of the times that we pumped up our stories and claimed that we did, while all the while that condom sat in our wallet until it disintegrated from lack of use.
Shame, shame, shame that we’ve evolved into never ending, repeating pattern, of don’t ask, don’t tell, all so that we can keep our truths in the closet to avoid being real. Yet, we’ve become a culture of “Reality TV Rocks!” So why the disconnect that it’s ok for reality to come out of the closet and play out in front of us on TV, Social Media, and instant gratification in our hands at a moment’s notice, but yet, we’re afraid to come clean and confess, this is me, my truth, my way of being in the world. One word.
PERMISSION
We’ve not be given permission to be out of the closet, fully and completely ourselves. Think about it.
A guy comes out of the closet as an gay, bi-, or trans…he’s embraced or ridiculed.
A guy dumps a successful career to follow his passion…he’s embraced or ridiculed.
A guy leaves a relationship that just isn’t working… he’s embraced or ridiculed.
A guy chooses not to have children… he’s embraced or ridiculed.
A guy shows vulnerability and cries… he’s embraced or ridiculed.
The list goes on and on, and the metaphorical closets continue to get filled to capacity, because it just isn’t manly for a man to come out of the closet and be his truth.
However the moment he gives himself permission to live his truth, ignoring how everyone else sees him, tailoring his life to fit him like a fine suit, that man thrives because he’s coming out and busting through those fears, making his moves, and not apologizing one iota for who he is, what he does, and how he is living by his standards.
The epiphany of all epiphanies for the person who comes out of the closet in their sexual orientation or gender identity is, they admit their confusion, ignite their curiosity, fly the courage flag, feed their confidence, commit to being who they are meant to be, and consistently show up without regrets for rocking their skin, bones, heart, mind, and soul as a unique being living exactly as they are intended…a person where there ain’t no closet strong enough to keep them from being who they are meant to be, and living a life uncloseted!
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Photo courtesy Pixabay.