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In the past, you would leave middle school, graduate high school or college and leave some friends behind. You would go from job-to-job and only take the people with you that you managed to or made an effort to keep in touch.
In days gone by, it was possible to lose touch.
Now, there is no separation.
Social media has made it possible to remain in touch and to be found by people from every facet of your life’s journey through multiple mediums.
In many ways, this is good. You never have to rediscover someone who you valued as a friend or an ally at some point in your life.
There is also a downside to always being connected.
By always being connected, are we disrupting our natural growth patterns by never separating ourselves from the things and ways we “used to be”?
How do you become the new version of yourself if you are constantly surrounded by people who knew the “old you”?
This is not to say that having friends from childhood cannot benefit you. It is reasonable that your group of friends are thriving and achieving their own growth, which enhances, encourages and inspires your own. Oprah and Gayle or Ben Affleck and Matt Damon have been friends for years and continue to push and support one another in their respective successes.
Unfortunately, not everyone is a good influence. Some associates are meant to naturally fall away as your mindset changes and you experience personal growth.
I wonder if technology is creating this false belief that we should hold on to everyone from our past?
It doesn’t matter how long you have known someone if they are toxic. Maybe you would have separated from them if they weren’t on your friend’s list.
Now we house people with ready access to us even if they are our exes, friends we have fallen out with, haters or people we just no longer vibe with.
What are we doing to ourselves by allowing people to have access to our energy, minds and lives who have shown us that they will not be a positive influence? Some people seem to think it proves their mental fortitude to withstand that toxic behavior of others. I do not think it is healthy especially when you can cultivate your social media experience in a way that benefits rather than harm you.
No one is forcing you to be around certain people unlike in employment or in social settings. We make the best of it in our daily life when we may be forced to deal with people who personally bother us.
Stress is a killer after all and some people make it their mission to stress you out, especially online. A toxic work environment can lead to health problems and burnout. It’s no different in our social circles.
When I was a teenager, I had a girlfriend who I thought was wonderful. We worked together at the same place and I spent a lot of time with her. I was still developing my ethics and personal constitution. I overlooked some questionable things she said and did because she was my friend and she was fun. My moral compass was further north than hers, but she had more freedom than I did.
She used to steal things and it bothered me, but I never said anything. I would try to talk her out of it if she mentioned it to me, but I didn’t go much further to prevent her. We remained friends for years, but lost touch when I graduated high school.
Years later, she ran into me as I was out during a lunch break. She greeted me as if she had been looking for me for years and I remembered her warmly. I agreed to meet up with her and spend time like we used to. I was in my twenties at the time and thought it would be fun. It was, but it was also stressful. She wasn’t the same person I remembered. I tried to reconnect with her, but I found myself being judgmental about many things she did or said that I just didn’t agree with.
We had both been through some things since we parted ways and came out with different ways of handling life. Eventually, I let myself lose touch again rather than to keep trying to glue this friendship together. I didn’t have ill feelings towards her. I just knew I couldn’t get what I needed from that relationship because what I needed had changed and so had both of us.
How do you know when it might be time to let go?
When holding on feels like a chore.
There are people you fight for the connection because you know in your heart that there is something more you are meant to do together. But, there are some people that you feel like holding on to them is a job. You can feel your spirit tugging at you to go the opposite direction when you are supposed to interact with them.
As Marie Kondo would say, “They don’t spark joy.”
What does it cost you to be around them? What are you overlooking to keep them around? If you feel drained thinking about seeing them and after spending time with them, it’s an indication that it may be time to prune your friend’s list. Do it with love. Self-love.
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Dyanne Brown is a writer and has published several books, including Free Your Mind: Let Go of Everything that Holds You Back. She has committed her life to using her own mistakes to craft articles and stories that inspire introspection and let others know they are not alone in their trials and tribulations.
In days gone by, it was possible to lose touch.
