How He Broke My Heart

I used to write about my Tinder experiences, and I’ve written some fiction lately because of Coronavirus restrain me from meeting a guy I found on Tinder. It’s exhausting to stay at home whole months and not divining when this pandemic would be over.

Before this pandemic got crazy (at least in my living area) I met a guy. He’s from Tinder. He’s a traveler and he’s Italian which easily captivated me because of his charisma. Well, every time I heard about the Italian guy I remembered all the pictures of them with their tanned skin, sexy muscle and their voice. But he’s not really the Italian.

. . .

Tinder date is Tinder date. We grab some pizza and beers for the first time we met, his smile was so warm all around his face and I really like his teeth. I know it’s stupid to take the Italian guy to a pizza dinner but why not? that place is so nice, great service with a cheap deal, near to my office and he agreed.

He telling me the story about how can he trapped here (in my city) and it’s miserable. After we finish our pizza, he eats two big slices, he definitely hungry. We went to a small bar and I asked him to buy me a beer, I was trying to become a gold digger honestly.

Actually it’s nonsense when he asks something about me, I couldn’t tell a lie, he triggered me to tell him anything about who I am. And tears in the edge of my eye, I covered it up with a loud laugh but still, he knew I’m not fine.

We found out that I read more and watch less, otherwise, he read less and watch more. And he suddenly calls the taxi cab to drive us to his place for watching movies and I don’t know why I take it. Ok I know he’s fucking hot, so I agree.

He has a bunch of downloaded movies, he downloaded all of it for free when he was in Australia and I’m so jealous. He decides, we picked The Green Book. It was a nice movie, at least in the beginning because we do not finish it. I want to be with him that night, and vice versa.

. . .

The other day, we met each other again. When people want to see you again after the first date, you have to believe that you are just fucking hot. Because remember, Tinder date is Tinder date. I mean, guys from Tinder (mostly) only wanted our body. So tried to never bring the romantic hopes or lovey-dovey feelings to your Tinder dates. I think there is a real danger that the illusion of infinite choice can lead to people treating other humans like they’re disposable.

The next movie was Midnight in Paris, and Hemingway’s character in this movie taught me about death. The only script I can remember from a whole movie is his preach. I wish I could be like Gil Pender, I want to be a writer or whatsoever who had an incredible imagination and dreams like him. And I was crying in front of my Tinder date, again.

He taught me many things about life, he a hard worker, oh he is a great photographer and graphic designer also cool fruit picker, he is so open-minded and he is a different Tinder date. Who hates Bali with the party, nice foods and glamorous things? He is. I can see the honesty in himself. But he clumsy, losing his credit card for two times. but still, he is different.

. . .

Tinder date is Tinder date. He left me, he went back to his hometown after all the messed up things because a woman took his credit card 2 days before his flight. And we are fighting a few hours before he left to the airport, It’s funny but I’m crying when I leave him because I couldn’t say goodbye and kiss him for the last time.

Surprisingly he keeps texting me, he keeps updates about his situation and condition until he texted me in the early morning;

I’m home : )

I’m so happy to know he has arrived safely and I already missed him. Whats makes me happier are we keeping in touch until today. He said, he wanted to move to Asia one day and I put my expectation on him.

We are talking about what we can do and learn during this quarantine periods, I recommended books, he recommended me movies and vice versa, and something could up our skills and many cheesy things but we had so much fun until he read my writings.

He asked me to stop, I don’t even know I was hurting him with my writings. And I don’t even know he feels the same way. If we both like each other. I don’t know it, because I’m too scared, I keep myself denying I have feelings to him because of Tinder date is Tinder date.

He cutting me off. He wanted me to stop share our feelings, I said I don’t even know if he likes me and he said, he showed it and nothing needs to say. He pushed me away, he doesn’t want to be a part of my expectation and he left.

Tinder date is Tinder date, it’s useless to bring your hopes and expectations to the internet, to the algorithm of the dating apps, of course to people who live in the different time zone and 6.966 miles far from you.

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This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.
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