The Harsh Truth: These are not always easily fixable.
1. You compete with your partner.
Modern romantic relationships are an unparalleled opportunity to engage in personal growth, and offering each other mutual support. Not an arena to tear each other down. This does not help anyone win. It also does not contribute any good in the world.
2. You use projection as a defense mechanism.
It’s not his baggage. It’s your own emotional walls that keep every emotion and feeling(good and bad) out. It’s safer to come out of your shell when you take responsibility to heal from your past and let it go. When you let go of projection, you welcome in beautiful intimacy.
3. You’re unwilling to go to therapy. Even worse, you don’t think you need therapy.
The idea of therapy always strikes a nerve with humans. Not one person who went to therapy was thinking, “Oh! How amazing would it be to open up my Emotional Carcasses with a stranger”. Yet, therapy is the one thing that can save your soul and maybe even your relationship.
4. You think loyalty can be bought at a price.
Buying gifts cannot buy you love. They can however, set you up to be used and abused. If you do it because it genuinely make you feel good to love someone materialistically, then it’s a different story. Always explore the ways you love someone and whether there is a hidden agenda involved. It’s called doing your due diligence.
5. You’re focused solely on performance.
You think relationships are about impressing the other person with your credentials, brains and beauty. Not for a moment do you stop to think, a relationship is actually about relating from one moment to the next. Save your performance for your LinkedIn.
6. You’re focused solely on image.
You care who you take to the Law Society Gala. You care who is standing next to you at your best friend’s wedding. You only care to be seen with someone who makes you feel seen. This spells a recipe for disaster, because looks can be very deceiving. What really counts is how they treat you behind closed doors.
7. You don’t know the meaning of the word compromise.
You’ll possibly need to stay-at-home with the kids in your marriage, Some (not all!) Big Dreams, or at the least some shelves of storage in your bedroom closet.
8. You are dating someone, but you’re not heads over heels FOR HIM (OR HER).
Never settle.
9. The guy (or woman) you’re dating is not heads over heels OVER YOU.
Do you really wanna sit there and watch him talk about other women like his ex or “best female friend”? Or, would you rather have someone who wants to know about your day, your goals and point out how amazing you look today.
10. You dwell on your past relationships and exes.
Constantly bringing up the past means you have either not fully resolved it, or are continuing to use it as a measuring stick for your current lover. Either way, it is a sign of insecurity. Stop regressing into your ugly past. Use it as the ladder to success in your future relationship.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.
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Photo credit: Mary Niazi