When Two People Are Destined to Be Together, This Always Happens First

We are raised with a fairy-tale idea of love. We think that when love is right, the universe works and makes everything fit.

Two people come together, there is instant chemistry, and from that moment everything feels right in the world.

But this belief slowly kills real connection, quietly, every day.

When two people are meant to be together, love is not where it all begins. It’s trouble.

The myth of effortless love

We’ve been conditioned to think that if this is a real connection, it should be effortless. We think that separation means it wasn’t meant to be.

Our view of conflict often links what we see as things being in tension. Distance is, in our minds, a sign of our failure and proof that we’re victims.

This creates a dangerous loop. So many people walk away from relationships at the first signs of tension.

They throw away what may have been their greatest relationships of all. Because they mistook fate for something else in the first act of its growth.

The reality is different. And it’s a supported idea, one that runs opposite to everything we knew about love and relationships.

Psychologists at Yale University spent fifteen years on a longitudinal study. They watched hundreds of couples, tracking their separations, self-improvement, and reunions. The results turned the researchers’ original hopes on their heads.

The strongest, longest-lasting pair bonds were not for couples who had never experienced separation. Rather, they were between people who had broken apart. They met themselves in isolation, and chose each other again on purpose with their eyes open.

This changes everything we thought we knew about destiny and purpose. It’s not about avoiding trouble. It’s about going through it coming out on the other side better.

The hidden pattern of destined connections

What may stand out above all from the Yale study was that every couple who later got back together shared the same pattern. Both went through changes to get back to each other.

Not together. Completely alone.

Some force was changing them both apart in sync. It was making it so they would reenter each other’s lives as different people.

It would seem like this transformation was arranged. As if the universe had been working on them both in separate corners, preparing each for the other in ways that they could not have managed whilst still together.

If you read this and think of a certain person, the one who left you or vice versa, be aware of who you were after. Consider what you stopped putting up with.

What you stopped running from. The sort of you that was born out of the silence.

That wasn’t accidental. This was working as designed.

Separation is purposeful in life when two persons are meant to be together. It makes every person face their own patterns, their own pains, and flaws. They would have brought those same issues into the relationship over and over again had they not had that break in between.

The disruption isn’t punishment. It’s preparation.

Why growth matters more than waiting

That leads us to the number #1 warning that few people hear. Destiny does not reward waiting. It rewards growth.

Break this cycle altogether when your separation period is spent expecting only their return, not working on yourself. The door stays closed. You are the same person who failed to make it work the first time, and you do not change.

Growth is the signal. It is growth that creates the opening.

Which is why some couples get back together and stay together while others get back together and break up again. It’s those couples who have used their time apart to grow into better versions of themselves that make it work.

They addressed their issues. They healed their wounds. They learned to be independent.

When these people find each other again, all has changed. The relationship shifts into a softer place of calm without the panic. No more wild, panicked clinging because there’s no fear of being alone anymore.

It’s no more two lost souls stretching for each other. It’s two complete, self-aware individuals, making a choice to share their lives.

That’s what happens when people are destined to be together. This distance allows both individuals to be who they should’ve been. The return happens with ease and in its own time when both have done their work.

Final thoughts

You may want to consider this shift once in your life above all other views on relationship challenges. It transforms separation from failure to a step in the process.

We must also hold that there is another truth. Some people were never destined to remain.

They were in your life to teach you what you needed to learn. They would be the kind of person who would expose that which was meant to be exposed, or get you geared up for whom you were meant to become.

It doesn’t cease to be a powerful connection just because they left. It makes it sacred.

The question is not whether that person will return. It’s whether you’ll spend the time you have learning how to be someone who can either welcome them back or move on without them with all of the gifts they left behind.

They may return, and when they do, you will be prepared. And if they don’t, you’ll still be complete. Either way, the growth was never put to waste.

Such is the hum of fate hook-ups. They challenge you. They break you open. And if you allow it, they change you. They change you into one who can hold the love that was supposed to be yours.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.