Top 10 Green Flags in a Partner

We are always talking about the negatives and red flags to look out for. I thought I would list and elaborate on some green flags for anyone trying to fix or move on from a relationship that did not work. Or simply good things to look out for in a person so as to solidify the relationship. Remember that lack of some green flags are not necessarily red flags and it’s your relationship, so you would know what’s better. Also, someone can hold many if not all of these green flags and still have red all over him. So yes, these are some green flags — but just as a guide to look out for and appreciate. So let’s get to them:

Respecting your “No”. If you say no to something, does he respect your decision? If he does, that’s a big green flag. An even bigger green flag is actually reminding you “we don’t have to if you don’t want to” and explicitly saying he would be okay whatever decision you make. No guilt trapping. This is a sign that you could tell him literally anything — without him having to like them in the first place. Isn’t that great?
Holding you sacred. You are a red line he would not cross. Even in the midst of an argument, he does not insult or degrade you in any way. He does not neg or say backhanded insults that sound like compliments. He does not speak bad of you behind your back to others. In fact, he makes it a point to talk to others positively about you and to stand up for you. He respects you and makes you feel valued, treasured, secured and understood. He doesn’t lose his temper and doesn’t snap at you. When he loses himself — he asks for a time out and processes everything before getting back to you. He is always asking about you, wanting to include you in his life. He is always there for you even while it is inconvenient for him.
Knowing how to hold difficult and honest conversations. Arguments aren’t arguments. They are discussions on working to a solution to a problem. When he argues, it’s very respectful and focused on the issue or the action, and not you as a person. He does not raise his voice or yell at you even during an intense argument and that’s a bonus. When you tell him that he hurt you, he acknowledges your feelings and apologizes without any excuses. When you have a relationship difficulty, he addresses it as ‘us against the problem’ as opposed to ‘me vs you’. A bigger green flag is when he encourages you to talk about issues and are able to look at things from your perspective.
Remembering and wanting to know the small details. Even what you’ve said in a five-minute conversation 10 years ago. It is a sign of paying close attention to you and actively listening. He would always want to know the small details — without sounding too clingy or intrusive. You will be surprised at times when he uses a small detail to compliment or appreciate you.
Gifting. He gifts even small little stupid things. A flower for your first meeting. Fetching a gift to gift you back when you give him one even while he has nothing. A lot of times it’s the little things that have more of an impact than the bigger, flashy things. It makes you feel valued and treasured. Gifting can also be in words. He is generous with compliments and makes it a point to always compliment your personality and appearance.
Being nice and reasonable to those serving him. He is not someone who’s rude or impatient to strangers. And he does not expect his loved ones to serve him unnecessarily. He is an equal partner in household duties. He does not have an entitlement complex and always shows his gratitude to others.
He pushes you to improve yourself but not too much. He doesn’t expect perfection but strives for it himself and motivates you by way of example. Even when it comes to your relationship with him, he sincerely tries to improve it. When you do something that annoys, inconveniences, or insults him without realizing it, he tells you about it calmly and asks that you not do it again — rather than keeping quiet about it and risk it happening again. He also excels in what you lack, he compliments you and that helps and pushed you to better yourself too.
Gives you your personal space as needed. He treats you as a different independent person with your own unique needs and interests. You can co-exist with him; he never drains you and you can easily jump in and out of interacting with him through the day. He is okay with you having a nice time hanging out with friends elsewhere. He also makes sure you are comfortable physically and mentally with whatever he is doing.
He has a genuine desire to be a better person. When he is not fine, he says he is not fine and gives you the opportunity to emotionally help him. He is open and communicative to you and does not have an ego that prevents him from asking you for help in this. He values your advice and actually acts on it. He admits his imperfections and is always striving to rectify them.
A great and similar sense of humor. When you’re about to make a joke, he makes the same joke seconds before it is out of your mouth — and you both laugh your hearts out. And every time he’s about to make a joke to others, you see it coming seconds before. You know exactly what his joke will be, and yet it’ll make you laugh every time. He does not joke at you or any other person but with them.

If you found these helpful and even enlightening, don’t hesitate to share. I gathered these not from experience but from others have said. I hope you would be surrounded by green flags when you’re with the person you love 🙂

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Previously published on “Hello, Love”, a Medium publication.

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